Loving God, Loving Others

What does it mean to truly love my neighbors as myself? How can I be the person that Jesus would be proud of being His follower? What does love look like? How can God love us when we are so undeserving? There is so much questions I been thinking about. These are just few questions I have been reflecting upon. I have yet to completely answer the questions I been thinking about but one day I hope my questions will be answered completely. So, I am returning to help out with Alpha in leadership team capacity and I thought last semester was my last one; however, I felt that I needed to be part of Alpha again this semester. I hope that I can walk along side each individual in my group whoever they may be. I pray that God will break my heart for what break His heart and open my eyes to being aware of what He is doing in and through Alpha. Alpha is 10-week course that outlines basics of Christianity. I started out in Alpha as a guest and since then, I been involved almost every semester. I am not great with words and I get nervous speaking within a group setting but being in Alpha has helped me break out of my comfort zone. Although I have been a leader of Alpha small group for two semesters, going into it a third time, I am still feeling nervous. Each group is unique and each person in it brings something different to the group discussions. I have insecurities and one of them being speaking to people. I fear that I will say the wrong things or something stupid and sometimes I just end up being silent within a group setting. I need to break out of my insecurities and just trust God for the words I will speak within my group. I am not sure why God has led me back to being in Alpha; however, I trust Him completely that He has me there for a reason whether that be encouraging someone further in their walk with Christ or plant a seed in some one's life. Whatever it may be, I am excited and scared at both times. I pray that Alpha will bring individuals to knowing Jesus and he or she may embrace the perfect relationship that is in Jesus. Human relationships are messy and difficult; however, relationship with the Heavenly Father is perfect and He demonstrates the perfect love. I do not understand what love truly means but as I walk deeply with Christ, I hope one day I will come to comprehend what true love is. I pray that I will embrace that true love that is in Jesus and that love will overflow to loving people. I am ashamed to say that there are days I do not love my neighbor as myself and I seek out Jesus that He will love through me. He can do more and be greater if I become less. I want Christ to be my center and He may be glorified in every aspect of my life. I struggle and I fall when I try to live on my own but with Jesus, my life has meaning beyond what I have imagined. I look to Him and raise my hands that I need Him daily. I surrender.

New Name

This morning I read first few chapters in the Book of Revelation since I am following the reading plan for From Garden to City (www.fromgardentocity.com) and one thing that really stuck out was about getting new names mentioned in the passage. I love names and meaning of names. I love to assign nicknames and love getting nicknames from my family and friends. Whenever I hear my name being called, I love it. I love that I am being acknowledged by someone. I wonder if God loves it whenever I say His name in my prayers? I wonder if God can't wait to hear His children call on Him? For me, I can't wait for the day when God gives me a new name that I will only know when He calls me. Some people hate their names but for me I love my name. My name is special to me because my paternal grandfather named me and although my brother also has the same first name, we have different middle names and that makes it unique. My name may be old-fashioned and simple but for me, I regard my name with pride. My first and middle name means pure and mild precious stone. What does that look like? For me, it means that I try to live my life with pure mild heart and like a precious stone, I try to live my life as a treasure that was bestowed onto me. I strive to uphold my name and carry the legacy that my ancestors passed on to me. Christ in me and may His life radiate in every aspect in me. This is just what I was thinking about at this moment. Thanks for reading & may Jesus overwhelm you with His love!

Thoughts

I dislike being this way but sometimes I care way too much about something that's not worth my time to care about. I am disappointed at something that happened and really, it's not something I should feel offended about. I should not care about what men do but I should truly care about what God does in my life. I think I take what people do so seriously that I take it too personal. I wonder who my true friends are and who I can trust. Although I was with my family not too long ago, I am longing to be with my family who truly accept me for who I am. I so desire for the God's unconditional love and hunger for what is true. I thirst for what is right. My spirit is low but I am seeking the LORD to fill it up. I don't know where to turn other than to Jesus. I do not want to feel this way toward my brothers and sisters in Christ. Who are my friends? What does it mean to love my neighbor as myself? Thoughts that are running through my mind.

Good-bye 2010, Hello 2011

Can't believe 2010 is ending and 2011 is entering. What a year it has been! God has done so much this year in my life. Looking back, I am grateful for all that He has done. There were good moments and bad moments. Memories that I will treasure and situations I want to forget. On one hand, I experienced the joy of new and continuing friendship through road trips and various social activities. I look forward to having many more fun-filled memories in 2011. On the other hand, I dealt with moments of low point when I felt I was distant from God. God was always there for me, it was just me who felt that I was so far away. I thought if I just try hard enough to be closer to God then maybe I would not feel so distant but God accepts me just as I am. God loves me, silly naive me. In 2010, I learned more about patience and love. I am still working progress and some days, I don't quite understand myself. God wired me uniquely and I am trying to figure out how does God want to use my potential for His glory. It's been frustrating and there were times when I want to just give up but at those times, God encourages me somehow through people or situations that I don't quite comprehend. I treasure the learning opportunities and I hope I will actual take them to heart. As for 2011, I want to live the word "simplify" and I want to make the effort to do less. I want to have time to reflect and really dive into God's Words rather than keeping myself busy with one activity to another. It's going to be a challenge since a) I have a hard time saying 'no' and b) I enjoy being around people. I don't want to completely cut off from the activities I am doing but I want to be a good steward of my time. I don't know what 2011 will hold but with the unknown, I hand over my trust to God and believe that He knows the best. In the high and in the low, whatever it may be, may my life bring glory to God. Happy New Years friends and may 2011 be filled with overwhelming love of God in your life!

Miracle

Hard to believe but it has been 21 years ago this time of the year when I was in a school fire accident. Doctors in capital city of South Korea at the time didn't think I would make it but here I am 21 years later, living in capital city of the United States of America, alive. God did what was impossible with man into something possible. Miracle. I didn't deserve that miracle. There were 7 other kids in my classroom who could take my place, instead God wanted me to have this miracle. I am so grateful for what God has done in my life thus far. I am amazed by God's grace and love. I have to remember that during the hard periods of life that God will be with me no matter what. People will come and go in my life but God will always be there for me. Some days, I feel so alone even when I am surrounded by my friends and other days, I feel so energized being around my friends. Lately, I been in this funk and I want to desperately get out of it. I am not content and maybe it's a wake-up call. I just don't know if this means I need to initiate something in my life whether that be starting to think about my future or just wait little longer. I need discernment from God and I need to get out of this funk. I want the joy of the LORD to be my life. Starting now, I commit to seek out the joy of the LORD and have it be part of my life each day. Thanks for reading and may God overwhelm you with His love!

Becoming to Be...

Who am I becoming? This is the question that is running through my head. I do not want to conform to what society stamps as the norm. I do not want to be identical to someone I admire. What do I want to be? I do want to be follower of Christ and radiate His love to a broken world. I want to help an individual to become the person he or she wants to be. I want to be influential not in a controlling way but I want to empower a person to be better. I think I love cheering for people because that makes me so happy knowing that God created that person with so much potential possibilities and abilities that maybe if I gently push him or her, just maybe he or she will have the courage to go forward instead of being stagnant or go backward. In my current state, I do not feel like I am making a difference very much. I strive to be active and engage in people's life but am I encouraging or empowering someone? I wonder if I am using my potential to God's glory and if not, what is keeping me? I just have this sense that I could be doing more but maybe I am being impatient again. I think there's still a lot more lessons to be learned and God is molding me each day. How am I becoming the person that God knows I can be? I think I need to start praying more and listening to Him rather than trying to figure it out on my own. Just thoughts I been pondering about. Thanks for reading and may God bless you abundantly!

Word

Words really affect me. When someone praises or criticizes me, I take it to heart and I accept or I think about it for while. There was point in my life when I could not take criticism or compliment very well. I came to realize that I can learn from criticisms and I can take hold of compliments by not letting it become prideful in my life. I am learning that I cannot allow words to affect me so much. For example, when someone tells me I am doing a job well done, then, I need to just thank him or her, instead of not owning to the accomplishment. On the other side, when I receive criticism, I tend to think poorly of myself and I need to stop beating myself up mentally but learn from it.

What is it about a word that affect me in a such powerful or impacting ways? Growing up, I heard words that were hurtful about my appearance and even now, I cringe whenever I hear certain words. I love to listen to the lyrics of the music and it's usually determines if I like that song or not. I think the words in a speech can inspire or discourage the audience. Words in a book can change some one's life or be an entertainment when all others fail.

I value the words that's spoken and I try to say only what I mean. Sometimes it's so hard to say the word and I fumble when I talk but I hope I am genuine when I speak. I think actions can speak louder than words some days. There are so many instances when I feel like I have just the right words but then I do not have the words at that moment.

What would it be like if people used words that would build each other up rather than tearing each other down? How can words be used to bring life into a person who needs it? This is glimpse of what I am thinking these days. Thanks for reading and may the love of Christ radiate your day!