Live, Laugh, Love

Loving God, Loving Others

2011-02-02T21:31:00.004-05:00

What does it mean to truly love my neighbors as myself? How can I be the person that Jesus would be proud of being His follower? What does love look like? How can God love us when we are so undeserving? There is so much questions I been thinking about. These are just few questions I have been reflecting upon. I have yet to completely answer the questions I been thinking about but one day I hope my questions will be answered completely. So, I am returning to help out with Alpha in leadership team capacity and I thought last semester was my last one; however, I felt that I needed to be part of Alpha again this semester. I hope that I can walk along side each individual in my group whoever they may be. I pray that God will break my heart for what break His heart and open my eyes to being aware of what He is doing in and through Alpha. Alpha is 10-week course that outlines basics of Christianity. I started out in Alpha as a guest and since then, I been involved almost every semester. I am not great with words and I get nervous speaking within a group setting but being in Alpha has helped me break out of my comfort zone. Although I have been a leader of Alpha small group for two semesters, going into it a third time, I am still feeling nervous. Each group is unique and each person in it brings something different to the group discussions. I have insecurities and one of them being speaking to people. I fear that I will say the wrong things or something stupid and sometimes I just end up being silent within a group setting. I need to break out of my insecurities and just trust God for the words I will speak within my group. I am not sure why God has led me back to being in Alpha; however, I trust Him completely that He has me there for a reason whether that be encouraging someone further in their walk with Christ or plant a seed in some one's life. Whatever it may be, I am excited and scared at both times. I pray that Alpha will bring individuals to knowing Jesus and he or she may embrace the perfect relationship that is in Jesus. Human relationships are messy and difficult; however, relationship with the Heavenly Father is perfect and He demonstrates the perfect love. I do not understand what love truly means but as I walk deeply with Christ, I hope one day I will come to comprehend what true love is. I pray that I will embrace that true love that is in Jesus and that love will overflow to loving people. I am ashamed to say that there are days I do not love my neighbor as myself and I seek out Jesus that He will love through me. He can do more and be greater if I become less. I want Christ to be my center and He may be glorified in every aspect of my life. I struggle and I fall when I try to live on my own but with Jesus, my life has meaning beyond what I have imagined. I look to Him and raise my hands that I need Him daily. I surrender.

New Name

2011-01-24T09:22:00.002-05:00

This morning I read first few chapters in the Book of Revelation since I am following the reading plan for From Garden to City (www.fromgardentocity.com) and one thing that really stuck out was about getting new names mentioned in the passage. I love names and meaning of names. I love to assign nicknames and love getting nicknames from my family and friends. Whenever I hear my name being called, I love it. I love that I am being acknowledged by someone. I wonder if God loves it whenever I say His name in my prayers? I wonder if God can't wait to hear His children call on Him? For me, I can't wait for the day when God gives me a new name that I will only know when He calls me. Some people hate their names but for me I love my name. My name is special to me because my paternal grandfather named me and although my brother also has the same first name, we have different middle names and that makes it unique. My name may be old-fashioned and simple but for me, I regard my name with pride. My first and middle name means pure and mild precious stone. What does that look like? For me, it means that I try to live my life with pure mild heart and like a precious stone, I try to live my life as a treasure that was bestowed onto me. I strive to uphold my name and carry the legacy that my ancestors passed on to me. Christ in me and may His life radiate in every aspect in me. This is just what I was thinking about at this moment. Thanks for reading & may Jesus overwhelm you with His love!

Thoughts

2011-01-08T00:53:00.003-05:00

I dislike being this way but sometimes I care way too much about something that's not worth my time to care about. I am disappointed at something that happened and really, it's not something I should feel offended about. I should not care about what men do but I should truly care about what God does in my life. I think I take what people do so seriously that I take it too personal. I wonder who my true friends are and who I can trust. Although I was with my family not too long ago, I am longing to be with my family who truly accept me for who I am. I so desire for the God's unconditional love and hunger for what is true. I thirst for what is right. My spirit is low but I am seeking the LORD to fill it up. I don't know where to turn other than to Jesus. I do not want to feel this way toward my brothers and sisters in Christ. Who are my friends? What does it mean to love my neighbor as myself? Thoughts that are running through my mind.

Good-bye 2010, Hello 2011

2010-12-31T23:23:00.003-05:00

Can't believe 2010 is ending and 2011 is entering. What a year it has been! God has done so much this year in my life. Looking back, I am grateful for all that He has done. There were good moments and bad moments. Memories that I will treasure and situations I want to forget. On one hand, I experienced the joy of new and continuing friendship through road trips and various social activities. I look forward to having many more fun-filled memories in 2011. On the other hand, I dealt with moments of low point when I felt I was distant from God. God was always there for me, it was just me who felt that I was so far away. I thought if I just try hard enough to be closer to God then maybe I would not feel so distant but God accepts me just as I am. God loves me, silly naive me. In 2010, I learned more about patience and love. I am still working progress and some days, I don't quite understand myself. God wired me uniquely and I am trying to figure out how does God want to use my potential for His glory. It's been frustrating and there were times when I want to just give up but at those times, God encourages me somehow through people or situations that I don't quite comprehend. I treasure the learning opportunities and I hope I will actual take them to heart. As for 2011, I want to live the word "simplify" and I want to make the effort to do less. I want to have time to reflect and really dive into God's Words rather than keeping myself busy with one activity to another. It's going to be a challenge since a) I have a hard time saying 'no' and b) I enjoy being around people. I don't want to completely cut off from the activities I am doing but I want to be a good steward of my time. I don't know what 2011 will hold but with the unknown, I hand over my trust to God and believe that He knows the best. In the high and in the low, whatever it may be, may my life bring glory to God. Happy New Years friends and may 2011 be filled with overwhelming love of God in your life!

Miracle

2010-09-26T21:52:00.003-04:00

Hard to believe but it has been 21 years ago this time of the year when I was in a school fire accident. Doctors in capital city of South Korea at the time didn't think I would make it but here I am 21 years later, living in capital city of the United States of America, alive. God did what was impossible with man into something possible. Miracle. I didn't deserve that miracle. There were 7 other kids in my classroom who could take my place, instead God wanted me to have this miracle. I am so grateful for what God has done in my life thus far. I am amazed by God's grace and love. I have to remember that during the hard periods of life that God will be with me no matter what. People will come and go in my life but God will always be there for me. Some days, I feel so alone even when I am surrounded by my friends and other days, I feel so energized being around my friends. Lately, I been in this funk and I want to desperately get out of it. I am not content and maybe it's a wake-up call. I just don't know if this means I need to initiate something in my life whether that be starting to think about my future or just wait little longer. I need discernment from God and I need to get out of this funk. I want the joy of the LORD to be my life. Starting now, I commit to seek out the joy of the LORD and have it be part of my life each day. Thanks for reading and may God overwhelm you with His love!

Becoming to Be...

2010-08-17T23:08:00.003-04:00

Who am I becoming? This is the question that is running through my head. I do not want to conform to what society stamps as the norm. I do not want to be identical to someone I admire. What do I want to be? I do want to be follower of Christ and radiate His love to a broken world. I want to help an individual to become the person he or she wants to be. I want to be influential not in a controlling way but I want to empower a person to be better. I think I love cheering for people because that makes me so happy knowing that God created that person with so much potential possibilities and abilities that maybe if I gently push him or her, just maybe he or she will have the courage to go forward instead of being stagnant or go backward. In my current state, I do not feel like I am making a difference very much. I strive to be active and engage in people's life but am I encouraging or empowering someone? I wonder if I am using my potential to God's glory and if not, what is keeping me? I just have this sense that I could be doing more but maybe I am being impatient again. I think there's still a lot more lessons to be learned and God is molding me each day. How am I becoming the person that God knows I can be? I think I need to start praying more and listening to Him rather than trying to figure it out on my own. Just thoughts I been pondering about. Thanks for reading and may God bless you abundantly!

Word

2010-08-01T02:52:00.005-04:00

Words really affect me. When someone praises or criticizes me, I take it to heart and I accept or I think about it for while. There was point in my life when I could not take criticism or compliment very well. I came to realize that I can learn from criticisms and I can take hold of compliments by not letting it become prideful in my life. I am learning that I cannot allow words to affect me so much. For example, when someone tells me I am doing a job well done, then, I need to just thank him or her, instead of not owning to the accomplishment. On the other side, when I receive criticism, I tend to think poorly of myself and I need to stop beating myself up mentally but learn from it.

What is it about a word that affect me in a such powerful or impacting ways? Growing up, I heard words that were hurtful about my appearance and even now, I cringe whenever I hear certain words. I love to listen to the lyrics of the music and it's usually determines if I like that song or not. I think the words in a speech can inspire or discourage the audience. Words in a book can change some one's life or be an entertainment when all others fail.

I value the words that's spoken and I try to say only what I mean. Sometimes it's so hard to say the word and I fumble when I talk but I hope I am genuine when I speak. I think actions can speak louder than words some days. There are so many instances when I feel like I have just the right words but then I do not have the words at that moment.

What would it be like if people used words that would build each other up rather than tearing each other down? How can words be used to bring life into a person who needs it? This is glimpse of what I am thinking these days. Thanks for reading and may the love of Christ radiate your day!

Being Teachable

2010-07-28T21:15:00.003-04:00

I been thinking a lot about what makes me alive and motivates me to go forward. After much pondering, one that came to mind is learning. I love to learn and digest what I have learned. I love the feeling of learning and coming to understand what I have been taught. I was not always teachable. I used to be stubborn and set in my ways. I think I learn to be teachable when I went to college and from there I just wanted to learn as much as possible. I am lifelong learner and I hope I continue to be teachable. When I was younger, I did not want to learn or try new ideas or actions. I wanted to walk in the old ways and stay clear of the new ways. With time, I came to appreciate learning new ideas or actions. In my Christian walk, I strive to be a disciple of Christ and I feel like I am continuously learning about what it really means to have a Christ-centered life. Learning excites me and I wish I can be a lifelong professional student but I remember I still need to pay my bills so I have to make a living by working in a job. Deep inside me, I want to learn and take the challenges that come with learning. Currently, I feel stuck and I do not know if I am being challenged enough in my life as whole. I kind of wish I was back in college or graduate school and learn about some subject that may interest me. One of my favorite hobby is sports. I feel like I have so much to learn and understand certain sports. For example, I love baseball and cheering for my teams but secretly, I want to understand how to keep count and mark it down on the scorecard. I just find it fascinating when fans at the ballpark write on the scorecard. All I do is cheer for the team and try to follow the game much as possible. To be honest, I think I would love baseball even more if I understand the game much better. Another example, the Bible. I love the Bible and there is so much to learn about in the Bible. I think sometimes I just merely read the Bible and miss the lessons or points that God may be teaching me at that moment. There's so many other examples and I want to continue to learn. I believe that if I was not teachable then I would not be the person I am right now. I learned to take care of myself when I had to move away from my family. I learned to enjoy variety of food and eating new types of food. I learned to speak another language other than my native language. I learned to appreciate being photographed and taking photos to capture the moments. I am slowly learning to say no when appropriate and learning to rest. Life is full of lessons I need to learn and I hope I continue learning even when I am very old. All this to write, I want to be teachable and learn as much as possible.Thanks for reading and may Christ love fill you up today.

"Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name." -Psalm 86:11

Rest

2010-07-19T21:40:00.003-04:00

I learned my lesson today and it's a repeated lesson. Past week, I was doing activities non-stop and this morning I felt the effect of it all. My body was telling me that I need to stop and rest. I stayed at my apartment and took my sick leave today from work. My friends were having a get-together but I had to forgo on that. As much as I like to do stuff with my friends, I am realizing that if I don't care for my body then no one else will. I am not a robot that can function continuously, even robot will stop if it's energy source is gone. It was nice to just rest and recharge. I think I need to seriously look at what all I am doing and have a time when I can rest. May you find rest and peace in Christ today!

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." -1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Joy in the LORD

2010-07-15T13:06:00.002-04:00

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

Where does my joy come from? The hope of Christ. Lately, I feel like I have been lacking in the joy department. Circumstances surrounding me have detract me from having that joy that it has made me feel down and discouraged. However, my close good friend prayed over me via email today & almost brought tears in my eyes as I read the words she wrote with encouragment to my heart. She prayed in her email that God will restore the joy in my life and that really struck my heart. I think I let the world suck me into thinking that I need to worry rather than trust in Jesus only. Whatever situtation I am, I just need to give it to the LORD rather than thinking it over in my head and leading to unnecessary stresses. I think I need to spend more time in the Word and prayer. Hope in Christ. Joy in my heart. Thankful that this life is not about what I do but the glory of His name. May Christ fill your heart with joy and peace! Thanks for reading!

Season of Learning

2010-07-11T22:01:00.002-04:00

"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." Psalm 27:14

It's been a while since I last wrote an blog entry and I feel like it was just yesterday when it was the start of the new year. Last month was my one year anniversary working in my current position at my company. I am getting in the work routine and slowly what I am doing at my job is not as challenging as I first started. I am grateful to be working especially in this economy but I just feel like I could be doing something more with my skills, talents and gifts. However, in my heart, I feel a tug that saying I need to wait. Although, I may not know the role that my current job position will play in the future, I will continue to learn much as possible until I am called do something else. A phrase that really stuck out to me in this weekend's Pastor Mark's message was 'every opportunities is a preparation for the future.' Right now, I feel like I am stuck and wish I knew what exactly God is calling me to do in life. I have this sense of wanting to jump into something new but I also have this conflicting side of me that says I need to learn to be patient. I think learning to wait is a constant lesson I am faced with since I graduated from college. I think God is trying to teach me to trust Him and rely on Him more than anything else in this world. I am learning that I may work hard and strive to give it 200% in my job; however, I need to let God direct me rather than me trying to take action on my own. I am stubborn and independent when it comes to asking for help. These days, I feel like I ask God for help so much. Part of me want to hold on to being stubborn and independent but I know that I need to let go and let God work within and through me. I am also learning that I am human being and I cannot constantly keep myself busy. I need to stop and breath. I am learning to take one day at a time and not try to finish everything that day. God is so gracious and patient with me. He demonstrates His love over and over again but I seem to need that reminder over and over again. My prayer is that I will learn to wait for the LORD and patiently learn the lessons He has for me. Also, I pray that He will teach me to love people as He loves us first. So much to learn and so much to soak in all the lessons. I am very thankful for the opportunity to learn and all the people who are in my life to help me with the lessons. May God give you the opportunities to learn and give you joy in your life! Thanks for reading!

What's to Come ...

2010-01-03T21:35:00.003-05:00

First off, Happy New Year!!!!

Now that's off my chest, so far it's been a good few days into 2010. I don't know where God is leading me but this I know, I eagerly wait for the LORD. It's been three years in Washington, DC and how time flies. There's a lot I am thankful for but there's a lot of questions of my future. I feel restless some days with what I am doing in DC. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for what I have in my life so far but I get this sense that there's got to be more to what God wants to do through and in me. I feel like maybe I am selling myself short or maybe, I am suppose to just wait. Right, waiting. Did I mentioned that I am not good at being patience? Outwardly, I may seem patience but inwardly I am not patient. As I go into this new year, I want to work on being more patient and wait on Him. I desire to become more like Christ in everything I say, act and do. I want to love God like Jesus did. I want a heart that reflects my heavenly Father and bring Him glory. This seems impossible but with Christ, everything is possible. I want more Spirit of God to live in and through me. I want to listen more and talk less when I pray to Him. In the silence, He is there. I want to put Him first and get rid of the idols in my life. What are the idols of my life? What controls me? What do I serve? How can I remove the idols in my life and put Him first in my life?

There's a lot to pray and think about. I am excited about what's to come but also scared about it too. I should not be afraid. I am going to be bold and courageous in Christ who believes in me when everything may seem confusing and chaotic. Peace of Christ. May the peace that only Christ can give be with you today and know that He loves you more than you can imagine. Thanks for reading!

Eve of New Year's Eve ...

2009-12-30T12:46:00.002-05:00

"Praise the LORD. Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; His love endures forever." Psalm 106:1

Here I am again since I have lots of down time at work due to finishing my workloads plus some workloads of my coworkers who are on vacation.

I can't believe 2009 is almost over and 2010 will be here in no times! What a year it has been! There were good times and bad times in 2009. Most people I talked to are ready for 2009 to end and 2010 to begin. I have mix feelings about it. I think I am ready for 2010 and what it will bring but I also enjoyed what I did in 2009.

Although I will somewhat miss 2009, I am looking forward to what 2010 will bring. I am waiting on the LORD and what He will do in and through my life. I been thinking a lot about going to law school or even start thinking about a new job or even a promotion to my current job. In all this thoughts though, I am grateful for what God has done in my life thus far. I am so thankful that God has provided for me time and time again. I am thankful that I am working and have a church family. I am thankful for my family who prays and thinks of me constantly. I am thankful for friends who encourage and challenge me pretty much daily encounters. If I can come up with what 2009 means to me it would be being thankful.

What are you thankful for this year? I want this next year to be filled with thanksgivings and new adventures. I wait eagerly for the LORD and I hope He will fill you with peace and love beyond words. Thanks for reading my blog! Cheers!

Reflection

2009-12-29T16:13:00.004-05:00

I can't believe it's been a while since I last wrote on my blog. Sorry. Life has been crazy busy. New friends, old friends. Busyness of life.

With everything going on, people would say I am happy and content. Am I? I feel like there's more to life than what I am doing right now. I am content with my job but it's not what I am passionate about. To be honest, I have been in this funk these past months and I desperately want to get out of it. I want to feel alive and live the life that God has created me to do. I want to go and do His will. As much as I want to just take the risk, I feel like God is telling me to wait. Wait and pray.

Patience is not one of my strengths, actually it's a weakness of mine. I do not like waiting so I try not to be late so that the other person will not wait on me. However much I hate waiting, I think that I just need to wait. Wait on the LORD. Where is He leading me?

As end of the year approaches and new year begins, I want to make a covenant with God and strive to live a life that is pleasing to Him. I desire to be in His will and help others come to relationship with Him.

What am I doing with my life? Who am I becoming to be? I think there's going to be a lot of reflection and evaluation in my life these coming days.

Thanks for reading! May God grant you peace and love in your life. :)

Rest....

2009-07-22T23:19:00.002-04:00

Rest. Simple word; yet, I don't do it enough. My favorite day of the week is Sunday. I love Sundays because I consider that day to be my sabbath. Day of rest. Do I actually rest though? Not really. I somehow manage to do something or other and do not get the rest I need or want. Recently, I been desiring rest more than ever. I have been sick with allergies/sinus or possibly a cold. What does it mean to rest? I need to chew on this some more...more to come later.

Salt and Light

2009-07-01T02:06:00.003-04:00

"You are the salt of the earth...You are the light of the world." Matthew 5:13-14

I finally had the time to watch the webcast of sermons I missed past two weeks for A1:8. I am co-leading a group called Nightingale NE and this group is about 'reaching out to those who can't reach us with love, comfort and basic needs.' The desire to minister to patients and hospital staffs grew out of passion that God placed in my heart and my co-leader's heart. I have experience being the patient in the hospital and there were times when I felt lonely when people did not come visit me while I was recovering from some surgery I had for my burn scars. I got my fair share of hospital stays and going to check-up visits when I wasn't an inpatient. Even amidst being at the hospital a lot, I also had fair share of being at school or trying to catch up on assignments I missed by staying after school. I did not get to do a lot of sport activities due to limitations from surgeries I was recovering at that particular time; however, I was active in various extra-curricular activities. I did not exactly fit in at school because I guess I strive to live a life that radiate Christ. Don't get me wrong, I have my struggles and failures in my life. I think from a young age, my family placed great importance of having Christ in my life and living out my faith. I still try to figure out what it means to be a 'salt' and 'light' for Kingdom of God. Me, smallest and least in the Kingdom of God if there ever be one, loved by the Creator God for being me. How can a Big God love me? And, how can God love this world so much that He would send His One and Only Son, Jesus? Why did Jesus make a huge sacrifice and give us gift of grace? How come Holy Spirit lives within us when we accept Jesus in our lives? There are so many questions and I am forever a student desiring to know Him better. I was very impressed to learn that there is 14,000 uses for salt and light is basis of everything. How could I ever be the 'salt' and 'light' in this world? I am not sure. This year God put a challenge within me to love my neighbor as myself and to love someone even if that person does not love me back or love someone who least expect it. Progress of this challenge, let's just say, I am struggling and trying to figure out what loving my neighbor looks like. Jesus made it look easy to love people; however, I think that it was lot harder than I imagine for Jesus. I mean, Jesus loved all kinds of people even people who did not love Him back. Jesus loved, loves and will love people and He does not care who that person is or was or will be. Agape, unconditional love. I think as humans, it's not very possible unless that person has Jesus in his or her life. Whether we like it or not, there's always some kind of condition to being loved or giving love. For instance, parents expect their children to do well in school and grow up to be something worthy to the society. Friends expect trust, honesty, love, loyalty and other qualities depending on that friend. There's condition that's visible and invisible. However, God's love, it's unconditional. Amazing Grace! Amazing Love! What I cannot do by myself, God can. God can use me to love people when least expected. God can encourage someone by giving me the words or listening ears for that person. God can. What is impossible with me, it's possible with God. Being 'salt and light', I am not sure I can be just that but with God, I can be just that. I am excited about what God will do through and in my life. I am so excited about what God will do through and in the lives of my brothers and sisters in Christ. I am super excited about what God will do in the present and in the future. I am thankful for the followers of Christ before me who lived their lives to be the 'salt and light' in this dark world. I desire to be more like Christ and walk with Him wherever He leads me. I want to be His 'salt and light' in this world. I am little and small but I have a great and big God who can do more than I can imagine with my life. Thank you LORD for who you are and what you have done, is doing and will do. May Christ radiate in your life and lavish His love upon you! Thanks for reading!

Light, Camera....and Love.

2009-06-16T22:09:00.003-04:00

I love being challenged on how I think and be able to take another perspective on issues that I think about a lot. Today was one such day. I met with my mentor/friend who challenges me so much every time I meet with her. She got to the core of the issue and lovingly confront me on how I love people. I told her I was struggling with the whole idea of loving certain people and she pointed to the story about the prostitute who was dragged by the pharisees to Jesus. Jesus didn't condemn the prostitute and stun the pharisees by asking them if they are without sin. It was one of those light bulb moments when I realized who am I to judge and am I not doing the same things the pharisee was doing to the prostitute if I have hard time loving people who are "sinners". So much to chew on and really look at who am I loving on. Am I only loving on people who are just like me or am I loving everyone like how Jesus loved? Jesus loved people deeply and gave us what true love look like. I think today's meeting was time of humbling me and I am so grateful for my mentor/friend who let me come to realization about how I live my life. I think I have been so hung up about the little things, I am missing the bigger picture of loving people. One question that sticks out to me most is how can I love someone when I cannot accept the whole person's identity? I have much to learn about love and need a lot of help from Jesus. I want to be more like Jesus and to love people as He did. What would this world look like if everyone loved each other as ourselves and stop thinking about just about ourselves? There wouldn't be all this pain and suffering people go through if everyone loved each other. Maybe, if one person loves another person truly and that becomes a chain reaction, then, that would be just amazing! "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him." John 3:16-17. God loved us so much and sent His Son to save us, not to condemn us, so who am I to condemn? I want to live a life of love and not bring judgment on people who may have different way of living then I do. I give it all to Jesus and I want Him to reign in me. Love surpasses all wrongs and embraces us just as we are. Thanks for reading and may Christ's love dwell richly in you!

God is ... Love

2009-06-08T13:41:00.003-04:00

This last weekend, Craig Groeschel, pastor of LifeChurch.tv delivered the message on God is...Love. It's true, I heard all my life that God loved me but I'm not sure half of that time I heard that I truly believed it. Lately, all I can think about is how can a great God love me. I am amazed by His Grace and I don't think I truly understand how much God loves me. God loves each and every one of us that He would send His One and Only son to experience death and cleanse of our sins. God loves us so much that He came down to earth and became one of us. I think that God gives His Grace and Love to us and it is up to us either to accept it or decline it. My life without Him would contain chaos and fear. Even in the dry season when I feel like God is in the distant and I am at my worst, I know that He is with me through it all. Who am I that He would call me His own? I think I would be the smallest in the Kingdom of God if there ever was one. I constantly fail in loving my neighbor as myself and I am not sure I am loving my enemies as Jesus commended. I want to love like Jesus and follow hard after Him. To deny myself and take up His cross. Can I do that? Not on my own power but with His, I can. How do you see God? My God is Love and He loves me just for who I am. Grazie Signore. May Christ love dwell abundantly in your heart! Thanks for reading! :)

All Things New...

2009-06-02T23:07:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was my first day of my new job and I also went to Hillsong United concert that I needed. I really love the Hillsong United's heart that it's not about the show but about encountering God by worshipping Him in singing the songs. Lately, I am just so amazed by His Grace and how can a Great God love us, sinners. Christ died for us and He died for me, smallest of all. I feel so minuscule and sometimes I wonder how can God use a person like me in this world, but He does. He is using me constantly even when I don't realize He is using me. For instance, my story is His story. Whenever I tell people about why I look the way I do and the joy that fills my heart, it's all Him. He's my reason for living and being here in DC. I can't imagine not having Him in my heart. Past weekend, Pastor Mark spoke about God is ... Spirit and I am still chewing on that. I think sometimes we as Christian forget about the Holy Spirit and I think I am coming to learn that I need the Holy Spirit in my life. God the Father, God the Son and God the Spirit. I thirst and hunger for His coming. There's so many people who are searching for something to fill the longing they have. I wish with all my heart that they will stop searching because the answer is right in front of them; but who am I to say stop the search, I can't. More I read the Bible, more I become intrigued and in awe of God. His Love is beyond all measures and so amazing. I fail. I stumble. I am imperfect. However, His Grace has pick me up from the dirt and He whispers that He loves me just as I am. How can I keep on sinning when we have a God who loves us first? So many questions and thoughts to ponder. May God fill you with His love and may you experience His Grace. Thanks for reading!

New Adventure

2009-05-21T10:38:00.003-04:00

It's been couple days now since I found out that I was officially hired for a position at my current company and the initial excitement has slowed down. I was so excited and happy to be hired (especially in the economy we live in) and I was smiling the whole day. I love adventures and taking on life; however, I do not like to put myself in risk though. I like to be daring but there's also part of me that talk myself from going for whatever challenge I may face at a certain situation. As much as I was thrilled about my new job, there also came the worries of if I would meet the expectation of my new supervisor and how I would perform in my new job. I know it's silly of me to start thinking this way but I am still recovering perfectionist and people-pleaser. I am an optimist and I see every opportunity as building more experiences in life and meeting new people; however, I am also a worrier. I see my new job as a new adventure and new chapter in my life. My first real permanent job with benefits and working in a company with good cause. I know that there's going to be challenges ahead but there's also going to be great opportunities. I pray that my new job will help advance the kingdom of God whether that be me sharing my faith with my co-workers through words or my life examples. I am looking forward to the new adventure and what God will do through and in my life. :) Thanks for reading!

Thankful - New Job!

2009-05-19T16:21:00.003-04:00

I am utterly grateful to God for His provision and timing. I was hired for a desired job and will be starting this position soon! I am thankful and my heart is overwhelmed by His love. What an amazing God! Thank you Lord for who you are and who you created me to be!

Still Waiting...

2009-05-13T14:40:00.002-04:00

What a week it has been! Last Friday, I had an interview and on Monday, I was called to a second interview for the same position. So, I had the second interview this morning and decision is in God's hand. I came to realize that God's timing is the best timing. I look back this time last year, I was still in graduate school trying to figure out if I was doing God's will and this time around, I am just giving it all to God. I am learning that it's not what I do but what He does through me. As I await the decision about the position I interviewed for, I pray that whatever the decision, may God be glorified and His Will be done. :)

Waiting ... Once Again.

2009-05-11T11:53:00.004-04:00

"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." -Psalm 27:14

So, last Friday, I had my interview for the position in the current company I am working for as a consultant. Interview was almost a hour long and questions asked were challenging and thought-provoking to say the least. I responded to the questions as best way I could answer the interviewers and I hope that my responses were what they were looking for in the candidate they want to hire for this particular position. I won't know about the decision from the interviewers until couple weeks but I have hope in the LORD who is all-knowing and is in control of all situation. Whatever the decision, I pray that I am in the center of His Will and not on my own ambition. Right now, all I can is wait and pray that He will lead me to a job that is in His Will, not mine. Also, in the process of waiting, I will continue to apply for more jobs and see if I get any more interviews while at it. Song that really struck me this weekend was "Everything" by Tim Hughes. I want Christ to be my everything and the lines that jumped out to me were:
"God in my hoping There in my dreaming God in my watching God in my waiting
God in my laughing There in my weeping God in my hurting God in my healing"
And the song continues with "Christ in me, Christ in me, Christ in me, Hope of Glory. Be my everything. " To check out the lyrics to "Everything": http://www.higherpraise.com/lyrics/awesome/awesome4260.html
So, here I am waiting and watching that wherever Christ leads me, I will follow Him. May Christ fill you with His overwhelming love and grace! Thanks for reading! :)

Going Forward

2009-05-05T12:10:00.006-04:00

It's been a roller-coaster ride for me lately and while at first I didn't want to be on the roller-coaster ride, now I am in it and not looking back. This whole job searching process has been interesting and great learning experience. I turned a job offer down and then been turned down a job since the position was filled by someone else. Now, I have a job interview coming up for a position that I applied for a month and a half ago at the current company I am working for as a consultant. When one door closes, a window is opened. I believe that I can't sulk over jobs that I didn't get but learn from the process. I think I tend to beat myself up and criticize myself. As recovering perfectionist and people-pleaser, I need to stop being so hard on myself and learn from my mistakes or failures. I don't regret taking risk and I rather take the chance of making a mistake or failure rather than doing nothing. That being said, when I do make a mistake or a failure, I analyze what I did wrong way too long and thus beat myself up more than necessary. I cross-examine and re-play the scenario in my head. Then, I focus on what I should have said or done in that certain situation. I think I need to refocus myself not on what I did wrong but what I did right more and then from there learn from it. I realize more and more that I can't be perfect in every given situation and that I will make mistakes and fail at times. As many mistakes and failures I have, there's times when I will succeed and will make progress. With finding permanent job, I am making progress and eventually, I will find one that will best suit me. I don't want to be in a job that I want but I want to be in a job that will help me go forward. I don't want more money or higher status but I want a job where I can learn and gain experiences. I hope through this job I can help advance Kingdom of God whether through the work I do or using my skills, talents, gifts and experiences for Kingdom of God. I want God to be the center of my life and wherever He leads me I will follow. Thanks for reading and may God bless you abundantly today! :)

Quarter-Life Crisis???

2009-04-29T10:50:00.003-04:00

"Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD!"Psalm 27:14

Since I had my birthday not too long ago (a week to be exact), I have been questioning myself on what I am doing with my life and how is my life advancing the Kingdom of God. It's been quite a struggle, least to say. I feel like there's more to life than being in the office and attending events that related to my passion. I want to get out and do something about my passion. I don't want to be mediocre and be safe. I want to be extraordinary and be in adventures. I hear about what other people are doing with their lives and I am amazed by what they are doing with their lives. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy living my life but I feel restless and antsy about being too comfortable. For most people, having routine and schedule are normal; however, for me, I like being thrown off my routine and schedule once in a while to keep me on my feet. I am realizing that more I read about what is going around the world and around the nation, more I am repulsed by what the world says to do. Success is measured in monetary term or the status in society as viewed by the world. As for me, I don't want to be successful by the worldly standards, rather, I want God to say "Min, you are my good and faithful servant" who lived my life for Him. My life motto is to love God and love people. By the way, loving people is hard especially when there are times when people refuse my love or hurt me in one form or another and also I have hard time loving someone who may annoy or make me upset from words or actions. Jesus said to love God with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength and second to love my neighbors as myself. Who are my neighbors? I ask myself that a lot lately and Jesus went further and said to love my enemies. Now, it's getting more difficult. I don't mind loving my sisters and brothers in Christ and I don't mind loving my friends and family; but, to love my enemies. Wait a minute, I don't know, it's not what the world says to do. The world and the society tells me to get revenge and it's okay to dislike someone. However, that's not what Jesus told us, He said to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. I think about all the brothers and sisters in Christ who live in various parts of the world and the persecution they receive because they are followers of Christ. I look at my life and see how it's pretty easy to be a Christian here in United States. By no means, being follower of Christ is not easy to say the least. More I strive to live by following Christ, the more difficulty I run into in my life. The world says to have financial security and high positions in your career field. As a young child and even now as young adult, I was not obsessed with obtaining the 'American Dream'. I want to get married someday and have a family; however, if being single is what God wants me to be right now, I am okay with that. I want to have job security; however, if that is not in God's will, then I am okay with that too. God is teaching me lesson in waiting and being patient with my life. He is teaching me to be content with whatever situation I am in right now whether that be in work or social life or church. As someone who is recovering people-pleaser and impatient person, the lessons I am learning are hard to apply in my life and I constantly struggle with what I am learning from God. I am thankful that even though I struggle, He picks me up daily and whispers to me to never give up. Constant reminder I get my heart is that I am daughter of most High King and I need to act like it. Even though I may not be beautiful outwardly, I want to be beautiful inwardly and be beautiful for my God who loves me even with all my flaws. Jesus didn't died on the cross because He wanted to to die. Jesus died on the cross to reconcile us to God and showed the greatest act of love that ever was in this world. I am in awe of the Grace and Mercy He demonstrates to us daily. Unfailing Love without strings attached. Unconditional Love that we can't comprehend. What a Amazing God we have! Amazing Grace! Thanks for reading and may love of God overwhelm you today!

Thankful :)

2009-04-22T23:11:00.002-04:00

On the eve of my birthday, I am so thankful to God for all He has done in my 25 year life. I would not be the person I am right now if it hasn't been for God. I am also thankful to my parents who loved me and disciplined me to follow Christ by their own life examples. I am thankful to my little brother who challenged and encouraged me in brotherly way. I am thankful that I have the great honor of being a follower of Christ and living for Him. I am thankful for being filled with the Holy Spirit and that my life is not my own. I am thankful for my brothers and sisters in Christ who push, inspire and love me even with my faults. I am thankful for my friends who have been with me through the tough times and good times. I am thankful that I am alive and I am thankful beyond measures. I am thankful to my Creator that He created me and allowed me to dream big and not to give up when life throws all kinds of situations. God is so good, all the time! So far so God. I pray that I will live only for Him and I will fix my eyes on Him. May Christ fill your heart with overwhelming love and may you be blessed abundantly from the Creator!

Stressed or Worried or Both?

2009-04-20T22:35:00.003-04:00

To be honest, I am stressed about all that is going on in my life especially trying to figure out what God wants me to do with my life. I think people notice when I am stressed even though I try to mask it as much as possible. One of my sister in Christ asked me how I was doing and that I looked stressed. I admitted I was stressed but also tried to detract from this and said it will be okay. Then, she didn't let me off the hook and told me that I should not worry. She got to the heart of the matter...I was stressed because I am worried about the outcome of the job interview I had last week and I am worried about losing friendships. Lately, I feel drained and exhausted from doing so much; yet, I want to do all of them because I want to be spend quality time with my friends. I think the best way to know someone is spending time with the person and I try to do just that but it's so hard with every one's schedule and also I have my role in being busy as well. I get so consumed by what I am doing at the moment that sometimes, I forget the reason behind what I am doing. Today at work, I got to talk with a co-worker that I usually don't talk to very much. Listening to her stories, I was honored to hear what all she had to say and I listened more than I talked because I felt like there was so much I could learn from her. I think hearing my co-worker tell her stories was the best part of my working today. Here I am stressed and worrying about a job and here is my co-worker who tells me that she lived through being hungry and poor when she was younger. I am so focused on the little things in life that I forget that this life is not about the little things but what God has in stored for my life. So, I came into Alpha pretty stressed and top it off with trying to set up for the dinner; however, I realized that I do not need to worry as my sister in Christ has told me tonight. One final thing before I end this blog, my co-leader for the small group for Alpha, has blessed me so much with her encouraging act of inviting a customer at the church coffeehouse to Alpha. Due to being stressed, I didn't want to deal with the customer coming down to the basement where Alpha occurs and my co-leader started talking to the customer. And the customer not only watched the video but participated in the discussion afterward. How awesome is our God! I am amazed and awe of Him who can do all thing, even the ones that is humanly impossible becomes possible. I mean, look at me, when I was burned and the doctors thought I was going to die, God took me out of the coma and gave me life. I am living proof of what Christ has done through me and I am so grateful for all that He has done in my life. So far so God. Without Him, I would not be here in DC and I want to live for Him with all of my being. Everything I once held dear seems meaningless if Christ is not in it. Thank you for reading and may Christ dwell in your heart abundantly!

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." -Matthew 6:33

Am I Being Real?

2009-04-14T23:10:00.002-04:00

After small group tonight, this question kept on popping up in my head: am I being real? Furthermore, am I being a real Christ follower or am I just doing the motions? Some days, I wonder if I am truly following Christ or acting it all out. I hope that I am living for Christ and following hard after Him; however, I feel like I fail daily. I fail in loving people when I should and I fail reaching out to someone when I should. I question my actions and wonder if I loved the way Christ would love the person I encountered or interacted that day. I don't want to be just "nice" Christian but I want to be fired-up Christian and I don't mean being on temporary spiritual highs after coming back from a retreat or camp. I want to be a follower of Christ that radiate His love and shine for Him. I want to be the light that Jesus was telling His disciples to be to the world. I don't want to be a stumbling block to my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I want to encourage, empower and edify my spiritual family. I want to just be real and authentic in whatever I do. I want to really love someone beyond myself. I want to stop being judgemental and start living like it doesn't matter who the person is because that person is son or daughter of Most High King. Sigh. I fail so many times; however, Jesus picks me up and shows me grace, mercy, compassion and patience. Loving people on my own is hard but with Christ, loving people comes natural. I want to love like it's part of my identity. I don't want to fake loving someone and I pray that people will experience true love whether word or action. I want to reflect His love because my love can only go so far. How can a big God love a little person like me? I am so small yet He still loves me for me. Words can't describe how awesome and amazing the feeling of being love by the Creator. "We love because He first loved us." (1 John 4:19). May you experience love of Christ beyond words! Thanks for reading!

Christ has Risen!

2009-04-12T21:04:00.002-04:00

Happy Easter! Christ has risen! O Happy Day! May God bless you with abundant life and may love of Christ overflow in your life!

Good Friday, Great Friday or Black Friday

2009-04-10T11:00:00.003-04:00

So, I was curious about the reason for the name behind Good Friday and decided to do some research on the website. When I typed it in, Wikipedia was the first on the list so I decided to read the article. I know what Good Friday is all about but I wasn't so sure why it was named Good Friday. I mean why is it named "Good Friday"? I still am not sure because the article was not clear on the name rather it talked about the what. And then, other names are "Great Friday" or "Black Friday". Maybe it's name this way because Jesus, who is innocent and pure, laid down His life for everyone so that we may be sons and daughters of Most High King if we believe in Him that is. Or maybe, the day is good because Jesus turned a horrible act into something beautiful. I don't know why it's called "Good Friday, Great Friday or Black Friday" but I know the meaning behind the day but wish I knew who came up with the name. Maybe, I'll just have to ask Jesus when I go to heaven about the naming system. Anywho, I am so thankful for today and what Jesus did on the cross. I am looking forward to Easter and celebrating the resurrection! Have a wonderful "Good Friday"!

What is My Purpose?

2009-04-07T22:12:00.004-04:00

So, lately, I been thinking about my purpose in life and what God is calling me to do in the phase of my life right now. On Tuesdays, I go to this amazing, thought-provoking small group called Look Closer and I love how we dissect the movies we watch prior to meeting together to discuss how the movie can be relevant in our Christian life. So tonight, the movie was Jarhead and we had a conversation about the movie. So premise of this movie is how this main character is a Marine who trains to be a sniper during the Desert Storm War in Iraq and theme that resonates in the movie is characters attempt to find his purpose in life. So before I go deeper into my thoughts, I have to be honest, I don't like violence especially when there's fighting and death involved. For most part, I was able to watch the movie without closing my eyes too many times so I was able to comprehend the movie more than looking away. So purpose in life, the main character joins the Marine because he is searching for his identity and his meaning in life or this is what I gathered from the movie and also from the discussion in the small group. I feel I can relate to the main character of Jarhead, Tony, somewhat because right now I have no clue what my purpose in life looks like or what I should be doing with my life. I know God has rekindled a passion in my heart but I don't know what I should do with my passion and how to use my passion in my life. On top of this, I am struggling internally about loving my "neighbors". Don't get me wrong, I love my family, friends and people I meet daily; however, there are times when I don't have the love in my heart toward certain people who may irritate or anger me. I don't get angry easily toward people because I am a recovering people pleaser and also if I get upset, I usually bottle them up. I am learning that when someone does make me upset, it's better to deal with that right away rather than storing that inside me, same goes with anger. Jesus knew that it was unhealthy and harmful for people to keep in the anger and He commanded us to reconcile with people before coming to the alter of the Lord. I love the concept of being reconciled with people and especially with God. Here I am, a human being who make mistake and bring grief to God; however, Jesus came to reconcile us with God. How amazing is that! I am so grateful to know that I am a daughter of the Most High King and be part of serving to advance the kingdom of God. I may not know what my purpose in life but I know I serve a Great God who put me on this earth for a reason I don't know right now or maybe find out when I go to heaven. One thing I know, I want to be where God is and if that means He wants me to stay here in DC or go overseas, I will do so wherever He leads me. I pray that God will bless you and keep you. Thanks for reading!

Loving my "Neighbors"

2009-04-05T22:33:00.006-04:00

I love Sundays. I love going to church and being with my community (brothers and sisters in Christ). Even though I went to the worship service yesterday, I went to church this morning to teach little kids (4-5 year old) and then wait to meet up with small group that meets for lunch after church. So, after lunch, I strolled (walked) toward the Tidal Basin to check out the Cherry Blossoms since I lived around DC area for 2 and coming to 3 years this fall. Confession time, I don't like large crowds of people and I especially don't like when people block my way when I am trying to walk somewhere. I am clausophobic to a point and I need some space between people. I just don't like to be so close that people bump into me or touch me accidentally. So, I did make it to the Tidal Basin and saw the Cherry Blossoms. There was lots of people and I felt stressed getting out of the crowd. Instead of enjoying the Cherry Blossoms, I felt like I needed to just get away from the large crowd. I don't think I will be going anywhere near Tidal Basin until the Cherry Blossoms are no more. I think this is dork coming out of me but I had this thought in my head...I went (to the Tidal Basin), I saw (the Cherry Blossoms), I am done (with being anywhere near Tidal Basin). After the Cherry Blossoms sighting, I sat on a bench around the National Mall and had time to read/ponder about who is my "neighbors"? Lately, I been agitated and easily irritated by people I encounter or interact in my everyday life. From my friends to the homeless people on the street to co-workers, I have to honest, some days I just want to respond in a way that I don't think is anywhere close to following the "love your neighbor" or "love your enemies"command by Jesus. Maybe I don't show it or maybe I do but I am striving my best to love the best that I know how but I fail miserably each day and I need prayers that I will love not out of myself but Christ will radiate His love through me. Why is it so hard to love my "neighbors" and especially my "enemies"? I am struggling with loving people like Jesus did and I just want to give up on this whole concept but I remember that my "neighbors" are not just my friends or the next door person but it's also my brothers and sisters in Christ, homeless people, roommates and people I encounter each day. I realize that I can't pick and choose who I love and there is no favoritism in Christ. Who did I loved yesterday? Who am I loving today? Who will I love tomorrow? I hope I say that I loved, love and will love people that Jesus loved, love and will love each and everyday. May love of God overwhelm you today and forever. Thanks for reading!

Feeling Small

2009-04-03T10:05:00.004-04:00

I realized that I live in a city where there's a lot of well-known big time names and my name does not come close to any one of them. As I am applying to various permanent jobs, I look at the job titles and I hesitate to apply to them because A) I fear that I do not have much experience or qualification for the job and B) I just underestimate myself in my God-given abilities. If someone asks me my role in the Kingdom of God, I would respond by saying that I am part of His family and I am the smallest of all of my brothers and sisters in Christ. I try my best to love people but I fail at that by myself but somehow Jesus gives me the love I need to love my neighbors as myself. I am not particularly sure what my role in life but I know that I am good at encouraging people or I hope I do a good job at the gift God has given me. I know that I am not good with words but when encouraging someone, God gives me the words either from the Word or words He puts on my heart. I recently read an article in The Review of Faith & International Affairs (one of my favorite journals ever!) entitled From Bible Bombardment to Incarnational Evangelism: A Reflection on Christian Witness and Persecution by Robert Seiple. I thought the article made an good point about evangelism should focus on the Kingdom of God rather than having the message of "it's all about me". I strongly believe in mission and spreading the good news of God's love to all people but I think that some zealous people out of duty or some other reason, go into the mission field with the "it's all about me" ideas or scare people when there's really no reason to do that other than maybe grabbing the attention of the people who may just need a reality check. I love missions and going on mission trips. I believe that if God is willing, I would like to spread God's love to people in North Korea; however, I feel that God may be saying that I am not ready to go into North Korea yet and I need to be more prepared for what's to come in North Korea if that's where God is calling me to be His messenger of hope, love and joy. I think I have a tendency to jump into something before waiting for God's lead. I do this also with relationships with people as well. I think with friendship, I tend to give more into it rather than waiting to receive from the other person. I know this is my weakness, waiting on the Lord and waiting for development of relationship. I am an impatient person and I am learning to be more patient. It's so hard though! Anywho, to be honest, I think I am impatient because I feel like it's my responsibility to go for it rather than waiting for some kind of response. I realize that I just need to step back, breath and wait. So, why do I feel small because I know that I have a big God who loves me for who I am and believes in me when sometimes I don't trust myself. Knowing that He loves me just overwhelms me and my life is turned upside down. Do you feel that way too or is that just me? Thanks for reading and may God pour His love into your life today!

Learning to Trust

2009-04-01T16:16:00.002-04:00

Lately, I been learning a lot about trusting in God's timing and following Him wherever He leads me in my life. Year ago, I would have just went ahead and took action because I was impatient but now, I feel that God's timing is the best timing. I could have went ahead and took the temporary job that was offered to me but I know that God is going to open a door (or a window :) ) some time when I least expect it and maybe it's not right now, but I know He knows me by name and knows my heart. Waiting on the Lord and trusting Him in all that I do. In little things. In big things. All of me I put it in His hand (the best way to be). May God pour His love on you and may you experience His love today! Thanks for reading!

Loading Up on Vitamin C

2009-03-31T15:25:00.003-04:00

I am not sure what's going on with me physically but I am not feeling very well today and decided to take the day off from work to rest. I think part of it is due to being stress and just letting whatever stress that I had go. So, yes, I am in-taking whatever Vitamin C I can take hold of and hoping I don't get really sick since if I get sick, I am in big trouble. Anywho, I got a phone call from the hiring manager that offered me the job and the offer I did not accept. I guess the hiring manager was wanting to know the reason why I declined and I am not sure but I had the words to tell her (which rarely happens with me). I think God gave me the words to say and I ended the phone call with the hiring manager in good terms. One struggle I am facing is self-doubting myself even though I have peace about declining the job. I am human and I tend to beat myself up a lot of times when it's not necessary. So, I am praying that I will stop doubting myself and go forward. When God closes a door, He opens another door or maybe a window (alternative to a door...nothing wrong with that. :) ) My hope is in the Lord and I believe that God created me for a reason I am still trying to figure out. Whatever I do, I hope that God will be glorified and His love shine through me. May God bless your day abundantly and may He put joy in your heart that only He can put in your heart! Thanks for reading!

Hard Decision

2009-03-30T14:26:00.006-04:00

I was thinking lately that I don't like this grown-up business of making decisions especially one concerning money and working. I rather depend on someone else to make my decisions - God. However, God gave us the mind and intellect to make our own decisions plus freewill somehow all mixed in there. So, I been really struggling about what to do about a job offer and prayed to God for an direction and guidance. Ever since I was offered the job though, I had this heavy sense of unrest and burden to decline the offer. It would been very practical and easy if I took the job right away; however, I asked for few days extension and had much time to pray and think about what I should do with the job offer. I was hoping God would give me clarity right away and some random person would tell me that I should or should not take the job. Well, how wrong I was, there was no such person and there was no strong clarity. So, over the weekend, I just sought out the Lord and prayed over the decision I was going to make on my own. I was hoping my parents would help with the decision making but they just told me to seek the Lord and whatever my decision, they were happy either way. Pressure, yes. Knowing that if I took the job, it would be temporary once again but it was a security and safe to have a job awaiting for me when I was done with my consultant jobs. Sigh. Well, after much prayer and talking with various people, I have decided to decline the job offer and pray that God will bring other job interviews/offers. I been applying for other jobs but have not heard back except the one I interviewed and was offered the job. I was hoping I had more options before making the decision but that did not happen. So, here's me taking a risk and putting myself out again for an employment unknown. Maybe, I will have a permanent job before my consultant positions that is ending end of May or maybe I will be unemployed. Whatever the case, my hope and trust is in the Lord who gives and takes away. I pray that God be gracious and pour His love over you! Thanks for reading!

Retreat

2009-03-28T21:25:00.003-04:00

This weekend, I had the great opportunity to attend Alpha Get-Away retreat as a small group leader. Last time I went on this retreat, I was the guest but being there as leader, I felt I got a lot of it as the last time. I think I needed this retreat to just get away from the city and all the worries that was looming around me. Right now, I have to make a decision that will impact my life. Every decision will affect some aspect of my life but this one I think will be ranked up in the top. I enjoyed the fellowship with my small group and rest of the Alpha guests and leaders. I feel exhausted though coming back even though we didn't stay up very late as compared to other retreats I been on. It was good to be away from the familiar surroundings and be in a new place. As the deadline for my decision draws near (very soon), I pray that I won't take the easy way but one that will glorify Christ and be on the narrow road. I pray that you will find peace in Christ and have a beautiful day!

Heart to Heart Talk

2009-03-27T12:13:00.002-04:00

So yesterday, I had an amazing conversation with my friend who not just encouraged me about my passion but also challenged me about looking at my life in different perspective. I love having deep conversations and look outside my comfortable box. After talking with her, I had lot to think about and realized that God has great things in store for my passion. God gives the passion and directs the path. What an Awesome God we serve! May God bless your day and love shine upon you!

Passion vs. Practicality

2009-03-25T14:16:00.003-04:00

I am in a crossroad in my life. At one hand, I am passionate about human rights issue in North Korea but on the other hand, I obtained a graduate degree in speciality in counseling dealing with employment and people with disability. One is a passion and the other is practical that is I seek out a job that will allow me to use my degree. I mean I received a grant to complete the degree and way to payback for the grant is by paying back by working in the field for time I spent in my graduate program. I think going into the graduate program, I really was passionate about serving the population with disability and counseling vocational issues; however, after I have completed the program, I have this bad taste in my mouth from the graduate program. I enjoyed meeting my colleagues and learning about the speciality but what made me less passionate was just the situations I had to go through to get the degree and graduate from the program. I confess if I had to do it over again, I would not attend that graduate program and would have chosen to pursue another study of concentration. I know now that when the passion comes out of enthusiasm then it's not really a passion. God did not put the passion in my heart to serve the people with disability dealing with employment issues. I was the one who thought I was passionate about the matter not listening to what God was saying in my heart. God did however put a passion in my heart about human rights issue in North Korea. I think for a long time God has been tugging at my heart about North Korea and how He cares about the people in North Korea. As I have learned more about the human rights issue in North Korea, I get so angry and so sad that there is such an inhumane condition going on over there. I have been reading books and attending events; however I want to do more than that. I don't know how that looks and how I am going to do it but I know that God will provide a way. I think God is still preparing my heart and even though I am not working in a job that I am passionate about. Through each experience, I know that I am getting closer to God's will. So, I am debating what to do. To follow my passion or be more practical and get a job that I may or may not enjoy. It's easier said then done. Right now, all I can do is give it to God and pray for His guidance and wisdom. In few days, I will know but for now I put my trust and hope in the Lord who is faithful and all-knowing. He knows the plan for my life and He will direct my path. I pray I don't pick the easy road and I pray I seek His face daily. I pray that God will show you love and grace today. Thanks for reading!

Healing Process

2009-03-22T22:28:00.003-04:00

Scars. I'm going to be honest. I have lots of them. Burn scars. Relationship scars. Situational scars. Yeah, it's tough having scars but by the grace of God, some of my scars are healed or in the process of healing. My burn scars probably is the most visual and I see my scars as not ugly but God's reminder of His great love for me. I would not be living right now if it wasn't God's purpose for me to live. Most people do not know this about me but I had various moments when I should not be living; however, God has a plan for my life and I am alive. Out of 14 kids, I was one of the seven who lived. God prevented my aunt from taking her life and my life (by the way, I was blinded for a short period of my life due to reconstructive eye surgery) and God is using my aunt for His glory. With each surgery, I had high chance of not living but I came out of the surgery alright. So yes, I am very grateful to God who has allowed me to live and follow hard after Him. I cannot imagine my life without Christ and I would not be the person I am now. For me, I think one of the hardest scars is relationship. Today, pastor Heather delivered a message on relationship scars and it was a hard one to hear. Challenging yet just what I needed to hear. Ever since I got burned, people of all ages either mocked, teased or stared at me for my appearance. Friends who I thought were my friends betrayed me and I was hurt by these relationships. However, through Christ, I have come to forgive and live in love. Don't get me wrong, there are times I have much difficulty in loving someone who does not love me back or hurt me profoundly. God is continuously working on my heart and He gives me the love when I do not have love to give to someone who is difficult to love. Going to Ethiopia, God taught me about loving my neighbor as myself in many situations. Loving the beggars, loving the orphans, loving those who do not look or talk like my friends or me. I am human and I have times when I just do not want to love my neighbors; however, Christ commanded His followers to love our neighbors as ourselves. There are days when I just want to give up on loving people because just like everyone, I want to be loved back but God has been putting on my heart to love people even though I may not get the love back in return. Sigh. Tough challenge. In my present circumstance, I have relationships/friendships that I just want to give up on and not give of myself so much. However, God whispers in my heart that I should not give up and that He will give me the strength to love. Watching the video and hearing pastor Chris' story, I was very much moved and his story inspired me a lot. God can turn a hardened heart into something so beautiful! I am just amazed and awe at God who loves us so much He would be one of us and experience what it's like to be a human. What a God we have! Even though I am weak, He is so strong and I put my trust in Him. God is healing my scars and it's not easy, least to say. I still have moments when I want to be healed immediately; however, I believe God is revealing His power with longer time to heal for a reason I may not know right now but maybe I will know later. Even though I may not be beautiful outward, I strive to be beautiful inward and want to be beautiful for my Lord. One day, I will come before Christ and He will completely heal me of all the scars. What a day it will be! I pray that you will experience God's love each day! Thanks for reading!

Ethiopia and Back...

2009-03-16T16:35:00.006-04:00

Wow, can't believe I spent 9 amazing days in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia with team of 20 great people from NCC! I am very grateful for an opportunity to go and experience little part of Ethiopia in Addis Ababa. It seems like I just left for Ethiopia two Fridays ago and time flew by. God has definitely broken my heart while I was in Addis Ababa and I believe He is continuing to teach me what I learned in Ethiopia. One of the values for NCC is expect the unexpected and there were lot that I did not expect out of the trip. For instance, I am a workhorse and I give 120% or more to what I do but God convicted me that I need to be okay with not having plans and that plans change. God does not expect me to give so much of myself that I eventually break down. I believe that what I think is best may hinder my walk with Christ if I do it with the wrong attitude, wrong intention and/or wrong execution. There was time in the trip when I finally broke down (Monday evening to be exact) and I had to give what was upsetting me all to God. With prayer and talking with a friend on the trip, I came to realization that I just have to go by the flow. Rest of the week was challenging but great. God gave me such peace about everything that was going on in the week that I did not care I was going out of my comfort zone for rest of the week. Every experience I had on the trip I will treasure and remember but here's some of my highlights of the week:

*Visiting home of family who lives on Entoto mountain and drinking delicious Ethiopian coffee(roasted, ground and specially brewed in coffee pot over fire) and eating delicious food.
*Teaching/tutoring ESL
*Co-leading Self-Help group with two fantastic group members
*Designing jewelry and getting it approved to be sold
*Volunteering at a feeding center
*Eating dinner with street kids
*Seeing baptism

There's so much that occurred while we were there and I feel overwhelmed by what I experienced. I need to process what I experience more and I will try to blog more about it as I try to understand what I experienced in Ethiopia. Thank you for all the prayers and may God pour His love over you!

Encouragment

2009-03-05T07:35:00.003-05:00

I'll be honest. Lately, I just been facing a lot of discouragements and disappointments. It's just not from people bring me down but it's also from myself. Remember, I am a recovering people-pleaser (maybe still am) and when I don't meet the expectation of giving the best to my work or to people, I just get discouraged knowing that I failed even though usually I am just underestimating myself and this usually leads to self-disappointment. However, I am learning that it's not about what I can do but what God can do through and in me. Denying the self from being the center of attention and putting Christ the focus of my life. While I have been having this season of discouragements and disappointment, God has been so faithful in refilling me with encouragement through His Word and His people. Just the other day, this man showed me kindness by going out of his way to do something that he didn't have to do. Or when one of my favorite friend from church in the whole world helped with cooking dinner. And then I love when I see my friends whom I have not seen for a long time! One of my favorite friend came to visit and is staying for few days in DC. I love staying up (I wish I could have stayed up longer though) and we had a great conversation that encouraged me so much! I am realizing it's the simple act of kindness and word that really encourage me. As I prepare my heart and get ready for Ethiopia, I pray that I can be encouragement for someone who need it right now in his or her life. Thanks for all your prayers and may you experience God's great love! Thanks for reading!

Getting Closer...

2009-03-04T08:08:00.003-05:00

I can't believe in two days, the first team is flying over to Ethiopia! Time flow by and wow, what adventure it has been preparing for Ethiopia. I think after I come back from Ethiopia, I decided I am going to take a break from anything related to organizing an event of some sort that includes my birthday. I think I need to recharge and be in solitude. Don't get me wrong, I think it's important to be in fellowship with my family in Christ; however, Jesus went into solitude to refuel by praying and being with the LORD. I need that so much! To be alone with God. Not running around like a chicken without an head. Jesus said to come to Him and He will give us rest (Matthew 11:28-30). So after the trip, I think I am going to have a time when I do absolutely nothing. That's right, you can hold me accountable. I am not going to think about work or anything related to doing something. I may even take naps during my free time and actually watch TV in my living room. All seriousness, I am looking forward to going over to Ethiopia and I am so excited to see what God will do through and in us when we are in Ethiopia. So, I am also excited to be rooming with one of my favorite people when we are in Ethiopia!!!! She has challenged and encouraged me so much. I hope I will give the same encouragement to everyone in the group. Thank you for praying for me and my team (both 1st and 2nd trips). May God give you peace and bless you today! Thanks for reading!

Thankful!

2009-03-01T21:32:00.002-05:00

What a day! I love what the Lord is doing in my life and excited to see what He will do in my life. Today, I had the great privilege of being part of Ethiopia fundraiser event and I am so thankful to God for all that He has done thus far and will continue to do for His glory! Event was great! It was more than I expected to be and I enjoyed the event so much! I loved seeing all the people who attended the event. I am thankful for the generosity of people and their willingness to support the Ethiopia team. I love serving alongside my Ethiopia team (both 1st and 2nd team...actually we're one with two trips!) I am thankful and all the glory to God who has surpassed everything I imagined for a fundraiser event. I am just thankful and I am in awe of Him who is in control. I am thankful to all the people who are praying for me and my team to Ethiopia. Thank you! I appreciate all the prayers and as days draw near for our team to go over to Ethiopia, it is crucial that we are covered in prayer! May God bless you more than you can imagine! Thanks for reading!

Lent Season

2009-02-26T07:56:00.003-05:00

I'm sorry I haven't written in my blog for some time. Life just been crazy busy and I was stressing more than I should have these past weeks. Now, I feel like I can somewhat breath and not stress about the small stuff. In a week, my team (1st trip group) will be heading over to Ethiopia. I can't believe we'll be actually be there in a week! God has been so good and provided so much for me since I said 'I will go'. The hardest part in preparation for this trip has been spiritual warfare. There were lots of people who were questioning why I was going to Ethiopia and even my parents was wondering if this was the right time to go. Fear has been constantly been put into my heart; yet, God has taken that fear out and put in peace. God has continually reminded me that if I go, He'll take care of the rest. Even though I may not have enough love to give, God overwhelms me with love that I can't help loving on people. Don't get me wrong, there are days when I don't want to love someone who has made my life more difficult than they should or treat me in a way that hurts my feelings. However, I remember that Jesus loved everyone and He commanded His disciples to love your enemies. What a challenging commandment!

Yesterday, I had the great opportunity to attend an Ash Wednesday worship service at a church with two of my favorite people! I am so glad I went to the service because I was able to learn more about what Lent was all about. In the bulletin, it said "Lent begins with a solemn call to fasting and repentence as we begin our journey to the baptismal waters of Easter....During Lent the people of God will reflect on the meaning of their baptism into Christ's death and resurrection." That challenged me about my fasting for Lent and what I will add into my life. For Lent, I am giving up Facebook and Twitter. I was just going to do one or the other but due to both features being connected, I wanted to give up both so I will not be tempted to check one or the other. My reasons for giving these up is simple. Facebook and Twitter has consumed me with spending a lot of time when I could be doing something more productive. Since I am subtracting Facebook and Twitter, I am adding more time of prayer in my life. I was talking to a friend about prayer and he pointed out that he talked to God while he's walking to places. I absolutely agree with that and I do that too. I don't think prayer should be just one time deal for the whole day but I see prayer as continually being in communication with God. However, I am setting a time of prayer for myself just to seek His face and have a time of self-reflection. I especially need this time of prayer with upcoming trip to Ethiopia. While I feel confident in the Lord about going, I still have moments when I struggle if I really should be going or should be in states, trying to find a permanent job. I am so weak, yet He is so strong. I trust and pray that God will use both of our teams in Ethiopia for His glory. I pray that you all will draw closer to Christ in this Lent season. Thanks for reading!

God-Ordained Passion

2009-02-06T08:08:00.002-05:00

Recently (by that I mean this week), I picked up reading my pastor Mark's book "Wild Goose Chase" again. When I first obtained the book, I started reading it and stopped because I was not ready to soak in what pastor Mark was writing in the book. This week, I don't know why but I felt led to read the book again. And wow, each chapter has challenged me so much. One chapter that really captured my heart was when pastor Mark challenged the reader about having and pursuing God-ordained passion. Right now, I am not chasing my God-ordained passion. I mean, I am a consultant (more like glorified intern) that make more copies and putting together packets rather than using my talents, skills and training I received all the years I was in school. I felt very discouraged and down these days and reading the book I felt like God was telling me through the book that I need to start chasing my God-ordained passion. But what is my God-ordained passion? I have an idea relating to human rights issue and justice; however, that's far as I got so far. I believe that each individual deserve the right to live where he or she desire, learn as much as possible, work in whatever he or she wants to, be free to travel and pursue his or her passion whether that be God-ordained or not. Lately, God has broken my heart for North Korea and it makes me sad and angry to see the injustice over there. I believe I will be glad when people in North Korea experience the same freedom that I experience here in United States. Another country that God has broken my heart for is Ethiopia. I will soon be going over to Ethiopia and I do not know what God has in stored but I know that He will be glorified. I have the great opportunity to work at a NGO that promotes democracy around the world; however, I would rather be working somewhere that I can directly help with human rights issue and eliminating injustice around the world. Is that too crazy of an idea? So, right now, I am trying to figure out if I should continue working at my current employment location because there's opening in a permanent position or apply somewhere else where I can develop my God-ordained passion. It's a dilemma because on one hand, having a permanent job will get my mom off my back about having a permanent position and on the other hand, I don't want to make any more copies and putting together packets. Sigh, what to do? I put my faith in God and trust that He'll give me an epiphany soon! :) Thanks for reading!

In God...Greater Things

2009-02-02T22:23:00.004-05:00

This past weekend, I had the great privilege of attending NCC leadership retreat and its theme was Greater Things. The retreat was so challenging and inspiring for me. To be frank, I wasn't sure I was qualified or had second thoughts about leading a small group; however, I realized that God uses unexpected people such as Moses, Joseph, Mary, Peter and Paul, just to name a few people in the Bible. So, I am really not great with words and I get nervous talking to people if I don't know them very well. I have a fear of speaking front of people and I can't talk to multi-people at one time. I am more of an one on one or small group person. Yes, I am social but to certain extent. I am only social around people I already know or people at church but other than that, I am really shy around people I don't know very well. I get fumbled when I am speaking to someone I may not know very well or I talk really fast due to nervousness. I think I still have a tendency to please people and try to say the right things but I realized that some people are going to like me for who I am and some people will dislike me no matter what I do. So, this weekend at the retreat, I had a conviction confirmed from God and He has placed in my heart that in 2009, He wants me to love people more without any expectation of receiving that love back. I think God really wants to drill this concept of love in my heart and really live it out. I can't do this by myself but with God, anything is possible and I am praying that He will give me the love to love people and be okay with not getting the love back. To love without strings attached and to love knowing that I may not receive that love back. To put my faith in Him rather than doing it on my own. To set my eyes on Christ and not giving up when it's hard. God will do greater things and I am excited that I get to be part of what God wants to do through me. I feel like I do not have much but God will use my skills, talents and gifts. One of the way I show my love is through my giving not just financially but with time and effort. That's how I say to my friends that I care about them and I make effort to hang out with my friends or send them encouragement or support them financially if they are going on a mission trip. I know that God will provide and what I have will go toward investing in some one's life for His Kingdom. God will use the little I give for greater things. How amazing is that! We have a big God. God who loves us so much that He would show the greatest love of all by sending His Son, Jesus, to die for our sin and Jesus overcame death so that we may live. We have Holy Spirit who is our Counselor and Guide. What a Great God we serve! Lately, I have times when I felt discouraged and down; however, I keep going because of Him who gives me joy and peace. Without Him, I am nothing and what I have is His. Thanks to Him who is Everlasting and Eternal!

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me." -John 14:1

Waiting...

2009-01-29T23:24:00.004-05:00

God answers prayers and I truly believe He is constantly at work. God's answer can be immediate or sometime least expected. Right now, I am waiting on the LORD on many aspect of my life and as someone who is impatient, I want to know right away. I am amazed by Him who has answered a lot of my prayers and there are some prayers that I am still waiting on. Being patient and trusting in Him. Having faith in Him rather than worrying about my circumstances right now. Having hope in Christ rather than being negative or even pessimistic about life. To have my focus be on doing the will of God and fixing my eyes on Christ. To take the narrow path than the broad. To wait rather than wanting to know right now. God is teaching me much and continues to discipline me as I wait on Him. I pray that in this season of waiting, I won't lose heart and give up.

"Yet I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me. You are my help and my deliverer; O my God, do not delay." -Psalm 40:17

Not a Good Day...

2009-01-28T12:41:00.003-05:00

So here's me raw and human, I am optimistic and positive person most of the time but I do have bad days just like everyone else. I am not perfect in anyways and still a working progress as Pastor Mark talked about in his sermon past Sunday. I think lately I am being trapped in the "prison of negativity" and as I said, I am usually positive person who have a optimistic view of life. It's just right now, I feel like my life is slowly falling apart. Don't get me wrong, God is holding me together and He is the one reigning in my heart; however, I just feel like without Him, I would be completely a mess. Juggling three jobs is not easy as it looks and I am very thankful for having these jobs; however, it would be nice if I had a permanent job so I don't have to worry about where my next paycheck will come to pay the bills and also have some leftover for myself. Financial managment is something I will work on a lot this year and also budgeting since I am not in school anymore, loan payments are due and also paying my rent/bills at the same time. It's going to be very tight monetary year; yet, I hope that this won't keep me from going on the Ethiopia trip. It's coming up soon and right now, I feel discouraged not because of the finance but just things going on in my life. I am having second thoughts about going; however, I believe and feel strongly this is where God is calling me to do. I mean I am not at all worry about the financial aspect of the trip because He is providing as I write this blog; but I am more worry about taking time off from work and there's so much to do at work right now that I don't know how I am going to make the hours up. Then there's people who are sharing with me that maybe this may not be a good time to go, but when is a good time to go? I just feel down lately and I shouldn't be. Please keep me in prayer and I know that God will grant me peace and joy if this is what He wants me to do. Thanks!

Prayer Request

2009-01-27T07:43:00.002-05:00

I am going to keep this blog short so here I go. Would you please pray for the Ethiopia trip and all the details to come together? Also, for me that I will be less worry and stress about trying to coordinate a fundraising event for this trip and juggling multiple jobs. I know that God will provide and everything is going to work out for His glory but as someone who is worrier in nature, I am little bit worry and stressing about the trip. I appreciate any prayer, small or big. Thank you!!

Random Act of Kindness

2009-01-25T00:41:00.004-05:00

So, I love when people do random act of kindness. My week has been hectic and busy with work and trying to recover from all the fun-ness of the week. On Thursday evening, I worked at Ebz (coffeehouse) and I was having one of those days but then, this lady who was there gave me this really cute big plastic ring to me. Little background story, so about a month ago, this same lady came into the coffeehouse and she was wearing this big plastic ring that I admired. I asked her where she got it and she told me where she got it. And then, she told me that she was going to get me one and I told her it was okay, I will try to go buy it sometime (which I was't able to go by the place to buy the big plastic ring because I have been so busy). So, I forgot all about this until I saw her this Thursday evening. And guess what? She remembered and gave me the ring. She made my day! When I was in college, I was in a Christian sorority and we had this thing called random acts of kindness where we encouraged people by doing something like baking cookies and giving them to a individual or group. I love it when people are kind to each other and not because of self-interest but just because. I think it's crucial that we as Christians are kind to each other but also to other people who may not be Christians. I have days when I want to be rude or mean back to someone who is being rude or mean to me especially at the coffeehouse. There are days when people try my patience and I just want to shut down. However, I remember what Jesus went through and how He commanded us to love one another and show mercy. Forgive and forget. Turn the other cheek. Christianity sure is not for the weak hearted. I hope that there are more random act of kindness in the world. Thanks for reading!

What Do You Believe?

2009-01-18T20:28:00.005-05:00

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead." -Philippians 3:7-11

It's been pretty crazy and busy week. So, I meant to write this blog but every time I motivated myself to write the blog, I was either too tired to think and write or I just had more to think about. This past Sunday, Pastor Mark preached a sermon about "Prison of Good Deeds" and "Prison" of remembering the past mistakes. What a challenging sermon for me! I think there are times I am tempted to pat myself on the back for doing a good deed but really, it's not me who spurs me to do something good rather it's Christ in me who tugs at my heart to do something good for someone. I know what it's to keep doing and feeling not good enough. Pastor Mark made a comment that really hit me hard when he said that good deeds is always keep doing to achieve being good enough while Christianity is being done in Christ. Wow, what encouragement! As someone who is a perfectionist, that statement releases me from the prison of trying to be perfect in whatever I do. I know I am not perfect and I know that I am far from being perfect. For a long time, I thought I had to be perfect especially so the focus would not be on my appearance. I thought that if I was perfect in what I do, then people would not really see the outside. How wrong I was! Some people still treat me differently because of my appearance but it's okay, I rather be beautiful inside rather than be beautiful outside. Then there's prison of remembering the past and while I don't have the greatest memory, I do tend to keep remembering my past. I think this sermon was tailored to me because a. I used to be a perfectionist and b. I tend to remember what I have done in the past (usually more mistakes I done or hurts rather than what I done right or kindness someone shown me). Hearing the sermon gave me encouragement that I need to forgive and forget, let go of the past and it's okay not being perfect. I agree with Pastor Mark that I rather be a working progress than trying to be 'good enough'. So, you are wondering how does what I just explained relate to the title of this blog but it does because in the following story it relates to the title. :) One night this past week when I was working at the coffeehouse, a regular customer came in to get her usual coffee drink and somehow the topic of religion came up. She asked about my Christian beliefs and what was the difference between Protestant Christians and Catholic Christians. I told her what I believed and yes, I believe there are differences between the Protestant Christians and Catholic Christians. I have relatives from my mom side who are Catholics and have friends who are Catholics so I am somewhat familiar with what they believe. One thing that makes my heart break is that some Catholics pray to saints and devote a lot of time to praying to Mary. I say this because I have relatives who pray to saints and to Mary rather than to God. I believe that we as Christians can pray directly to God and Christ paid for the price of our sins. We are saved by the Amazing Grace of God through Christ. There is no greater love that can be compared to what God did for us. Saints are just humans who lived their lives for God and I think if they were alive today, they would tell Christians that they are just human and they are not gods. I think the concept of praying to saints have something to do with the saints interceding for the person praying but isn't Jesus our intercessor? I got frustrated when I was with my Catholic relatives and the difference of beliefs we had. First of all, everything I own is God's and if I lose everything, then who's to say that was mind in the first place? Second, I believe in a God who is all knowing and all powerful. Lastly, I believe in a God who is Love and Justice. I believe that if the focus is not on Christ then it's pointless and I believe Christianity (hence Christ in the name) is all about following Christ in all circumstances. That's why I believe that being a Christian is not easy at all, actually it's a hard and tough road. Don't get me wrong, there are good times; however, I feel like there are times where I struggle and experience hard things in life. What keeps me going? Jesus Christ, my Savior and Lord. God who loves the world so much that He would come down to earth as a man and experience what we go through and then being victorious over death. Overcoming death so that we can truly live. What a Great God we serve! I don't know about you but I rather have Jesus than all the worldly riches or pleasures. That said, there are days when I wish I had millions of dollars so my life would be easy and I can help millions of people but then I remember that it's better to have less. I think if I had lot of money and had an easy life, I wouldn't be the person I am now. I wouldn't be the person I am now if I did not have Christ in my life. I feel blessed and very thankful that I know Christ. I pray that more people will come to know Christ and have the joy that only He can give. So, do you know what you believe? I strive to know Christ each day better and follow hard after Him. And also be firm in what I believe. I pray that you will know Christ and know your beliefs. Thanks for reading!

Power of Prayer

2009-01-15T11:33:00.005-05:00

21 Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. 22 If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."
-Matthew 21:21-22

Growing up, I was surrounded by prayer. My parents prayed for me, church members prayed for me, pastors prayed for me, my friends prayed for me and even strangers I never met prayed for me. I am amazed by the prayers I received and the power it had on me. If my family did not prayed as hard as they did for me when I was in the hospital right after the fire accident, I believe I would not be living right now. I think God had a plan for me to live all along and live out what He wants me to do in my life; however, I believe God wanted my family to pray hard, having faith in Him rather than relying on medicine (by the way, the doctors thought I was going to die due to inhaling so much smoke from the fire and they did not know how to recuperate me from the coma.) So, my whole family prayed. They prayed that I would get out of the coma and be able to live. And, He answered that prayer. Little background about what my parents' lives were like prior to the accident, my parents lived a secular life even though they were sprinkled in the church. Technically, they were "Christians" since they got sprinkled; however, their lives were far from living the Christian life. My dad used to drink alcohol heavily and smoke a lot, that's what most Korean men do. My mom was comfortable staying home and raising us kids, that's what most Korean women do after they get married. My parents were content with their lives, living out the "Korean dream" you would say. However, that all changed when there was a fire accident and it was on the private school that my brother and I happened to attend for the first time. You can read about my story in the second blog I wrote in December '08. So, getting back to how I woken up from the coma I had for few days and relating to prayer, at that time, my mom and a church deacon (one from the church that sponsored the school) was in my ICU room. I do not remember this part because I probably was still out of it when I woke up but my mom told me that I told her that God told me to tell my parents to pray more and worship Him more in their lives. Oh goodness, this gives me the chill. I mean, I was just five years old and I knew about God but not necessarily did not know who God was. Ever since then, my parents have sold out their life for God and they serve the church faithfully. My parents dedicated their lives to the LORD and got baptized again believing that the first time they were not sincere. Prayer is powerful. My great grandmother (from my dad side) prayed to God that her son (my grandfather) would become a pastor and my grandfather became a pastor. How amazing is God answering prayers! Even though, at times, not all prayers are answered immediately or at all. I have an example of my prayer being redirected. So, I wanted to be a doctor and I prayed to God that He would allow me to be a doctor; yet, God already knew I was not going to be a doctor and He had another plan for me. I was pretty stubborn, okay, a lot and I thought that if I prayed harder about being a doctor, I would find peace about studying to be a doctor. Nope, I was wrong. I felt more uneasy and more depressed about being a doctor as I studied toward getting into medical school. And, I did not feel I was called to be a doctor. I still do not know what I am called to do in life. Perhaps, I am called to be an advocate for people who are weak, vulnerable and powerless or maybe I am called to be a missionary in a foreign country. I do not know and I pray that God will let me know, you know, soon, since I am getting impatient. Okay, so I am still working on the impatience and it's better than before but still needs lot of work. There is so much power in prayer. A example of how God answered my immediate family's prayer involves getting our Green Card (Permanent Resident to live in US) and also for getting our U.S. citizenship. Let me tell you that obtaining the Green Card was a very long and very rough road; however, God was faithful and He answered just in time. So in time, that I was able to travel with my church in Texas to various mission trips to foreign countries. Also, God answered the numerous prayers that my parents petition to Him regarding numerous surgeries I had for my burns. So, the surgeries I had were somewhat risky and dangerous since there was a lot of blood involved and also long durations I had to be in the surgery room. Also, there was the infection issue after the surgery and the treatments that go along the post-operation that were no fun. However, through all this, God gave me the courage to go into the surgeries and recover from the post-operation through healing process. God is so good and faithful! Like the hymn "What a Friend We have in Jesus", we have a great friend in Jesus! And yet, at times, I discount myself from bringing everything to God in prayer but I am learning to give everything in prayer to God and not withholding anything. It's a working progress, my prayer life, but I hope that I can have a strong prayer life.

Before, I end the blog, here's the lyric to "What a Friend We have in Jesus", the first verse:

What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear! What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer! O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer. (Text: Joseph M. Scriven, 1820-1886 Music: Charles C. Converse, 1832-1918)

What's keeping you from giving everything to God in prayer? I pray that you will experience the power of prayer and know that He listens! Thanks for reading!

Hero

2009-01-13T20:01:00.004-05:00

"This is what the LORD says: 'Maintain justice and do what is right, for my salvation is close at hand and my righteousness will soon be revealed." -Isaiah 56:1

I was wondering about what it means to be a hero. Does being a hero mean a person has to be famous? Or does being a hero mean having qualities that other people do not have? What makes a hero a hero? To me, a hero is someone who loves the LORD with all of his or her heart, soul, mind and strength, who advocates for those who do not have a voice, act justly, love beyond him or herself, promote welfare of others, give generously not just financially but with time and effort, do something beautiful for someone, forgive more than one can count and strive to be the best he or she can be each day. Jesus is my ultimate hero. He demonstrated what it means to be a hero and yet, He humbled Himself and served others. Jesus could have exalted Himself and have fame during His time; however, He spent time with people who were the least and He even washed His disciples' feet. What a perfect example of a hero! As human, I am not sure I can be a hero like Jesus. I strive to follow Jesus in every way; however, I fail at it without Him. I consider my grandfather my hero because he lived his life for Christ and followed hard after Him. My grandfather radiated Christ love toward people and sought out justice whenever possible. Don't get me wrong, my grandfather was just a human too and I am sure he had his flaw, but stories I have heard about my grandfather only points to the love of Jesus that made my grandfather the way he was toward people. Another heroes are my mom and dad. My parents used to live a secular life before my accident and now they are sold out for Christ. My parents loves the LORD and serves His church with passion and enthusiasm. So, when I am home in Texas, I feel like I do not get to see them much if their church has revivals or events that they may be serving at whether that be prayer meetings or singing in the choir. Yes, my parents are in the church choir and I think that's why I love to sing especially hymns. I also consider my mentor my hero. I have a mentor whom I look up to and every time I see her, I can see Christ love in her life. That being said, hero does not have to be famous to be a hero or even be a celebrity. I see a hero when that person act in a way that radiates Christ love and love people even when they are not lovable or cannot return the love. I see a hero in a someone when he or she fights for the weak, defend those who are vulnerable and demand justice. I think that most heroes I know would not consider themselves as heroes and with humility would tell me that they are just following Jesus' example. I have a lot of heroes in my life who love the LORD and serve Him with their lives. I am very thankful that God has given me heroes in my life who love Him and serve Him in their lives. What makes me the person I am now? Heroes who believed in me and invested in my life. The love of Christ that overwhelms me each day. Without Christ, I am nothing and I do not have a meaning to my life. However, Christ lives in me and fills me with His love. What a Savior we have! I hope that you can be a hero to someone as my heroes were to me. Thanks for reading!

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." -James 1:27

Self-Control

2009-01-12T19:19:00.003-05:00

So, this morning, I realized that I am on the Facebook, way too much and I decided that I need to take a break/fast from the Facebook until the weekend starts (Friday evening). I think I spent a lot of time being on the Facebook instead of reading books or even relaxing for that matter. I was so tempted to get on the Facebook when I returned from work; however, I am going to resist and I am going to control myself from signing into the website. One of my New Year's resolutions/goals was to use my time more wisely and I think that being on the Facebook is not a great way to spend my time. I am usually spending my time either at work, with hanging out with friends and I make sure I spend time with God daily. So, my day is pretty full and what time I do have for myself I feel like I spent it on the Facebook. With that said, I really am going to try hard to stay away from the website even if I get email notifications. I know that I can do this especially since I can use the time to read, pray and be still in the Lord. I have to say though that this is going to be hard for me; however, I will restrain from giving into temptation of getting on the Facebook. Happy Monday!

Becoming like Christ through Humility

2009-01-11T11:48:00.006-05:00

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted Him to the highest place and gave Him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is LORD, to the glory of God the Father." -Philippians 2:5-11

Today at church, pastor Chris preached on the topic of humility as we continue the series of "Prison". He said that we can be imprisoned by our emotional and circumstantial prisons and provided three essentials for having humility in our lives. First was to elevate other people, second was to exalt Christ and the third was to experience joy in all circumstances. What challenged me most was the third essential. The first two I work on daily to strive for but third one sometimes I fail to experience joy in every situation I may be going through right now in my life. These past two years has been hard for me and I do not like to ask for help if I can do it myself. I do not like to burden other people with my troubles and also make someone feel uncomfortable or inconvenient by asking them for favors or help. I think I struggle also with some aspect of pride. Not the pride of elevating myself but pride of not asking for help when I need it or sharing my prayer requests with other followers of Christ. I dislike telling my parents when I am going through rough times and my parents only find out when I break down when I cannot keep it inside me anymore. So elevating other people is second nature to me because that's what I saw in my parents', grandparents' and other followers of Christ exemplified in their lives. I strive each day to exalt Christ through my actions and words. So, the joy part, well, that's a tough one and I try to be joyful in all circumstances but really I am no good at it. I usually put on a smile and not let anyone really know what is going on in my life by saying that everything is going fine but really everything is not okay and I want my situations to be better than what it is right now. However, through it all, the joy does not come from myself but through Christ who gives me the joy in my life. If I was not a Christ follower, I do not think I would be joyful in my life. My life was not easy and everything I do seems to be hard to obtain. For example, getting my Masters, not an easy gain and still not having a permanent job is making me worry but I trust that God has a job out there for me in time. I feel embarrassed at times when I talk to another person about my life because I want to tell them that life is great and I am living the "American Dream". Yet, I think the hard times develop more character in me and God is teaching me each day to rely on Him rather than on myself or other people. What hard lessons I have learned these past two years and my stubbornness to go my way when really it's His way that's most important. So, I am learning that what I want is not always what God has in mind for me. One clear example is me wanting to be a doctor so bad that it did not hit me until my senior year in college that being a doctor is not what God was calling me to do. I think I felt obliged to give back by becoming a doctor but there are so many other ways to help people not just by treating someone physically but also emotionally and mentally. I received much from the doctors who treated my burns and I just felt like I needed to become a doctor. I think my intention was good but I was not passionate about what I was going to do as a doctor. Another example is me wanting to get a permanent job in Vocational Rehabilitation Counseling field right away after I obtained my Master's; however, that has yet to be true and I desire to be in that field soon. But, I am learning that my experiences at my current employment is invaluable and I love what I do right now. I am learning so much about democracy and human rights issue. I am learning so much about the injustices around the world and I also have the opportunity to get involve with organizations that is fighting the injustices in foreign countries such as North Korea which I have a heart and passion for this country to have the freedom that each human has the rights to. Looking back these past two years, I feel like God is breaking me down and humbling me in every aspect of my life. I am not the person I was just two years ago who was at Baylor trying to get into medical school and realizing that I did not have the passion to be a doctor that I originally thought all along. Not being a doctor really hurt me and it took a long time for me to come to a realization that God has a better plans for my life than just being a doctor. I do not know yet what God wants me to do with my life especially career wise. Yes, I have a Master's degree in Vocational Rehabilitation Counseling; however, I do not know if that is a career I will have for a long term. I have other dreams such as working for the UN and also working in political setting such as congress possibly. Also, I would love to continue working at the Democracy Resource Center as a librarian possibly. I am so confused about where I am going in my life but I am so glad that God is in control and I do not have to worry about my life. My life is not my own and only through Christ I am alive. Through grace of God, I am living and striving to become more like Christ each day. So, here's me going against my pride and asking for your prayer. My dad has diabetes and he also has bad liver problem. Due to both of the condition, my dad's health has not been optimal lately. He was on medication that made him drowsy and tired all the time. Recently, through answer to a prayer, my dad was able to change his medication and also got testing done on his liver. And the test results showed that my dad needs this certain treatment for his liver since it's getting worst. This scares me a lot. I mean I see my dad as head of the household and he is the one who holds the family together. Don't get me wrong, my family serves Christ first in everything and God is the Head but I believe that God has given my dad the role of being the head of my family. That being said, I want my dad's health to be restored and be healed from the conditions he is going through. So, my parents were waiting and praying to God that the hospital would grant my dad the treatment for his liver. And praise God! He answered that prayer by giving my dad the opportunity to receive the treatment from the hospital. Thank you God! :) So, my prayer request is that the treatment will be effective toward my dad's liver and that his new medication will help with his diabetes. I did not want to share this in my blog but after listening to the message today, I am not letting my pride getting in the way of being more humble like Christ. I do not have much to offer and I have my flaws that I am working on; but, I know this for sure that the love of Christ has so captivated me to become more like Him each day. So, here's me asking would you pray for my dad and also for me that I will be more joyful in my circumstances? Thank you for reading and I hope that love of Christ will overwhelm you today!

Love

2009-01-08T23:29:00.004-05:00

"He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." -Micah 6:8

Injustice. It's happening around the world and even here in United States. There is violence and hatred that is unspeakable; yet, it is going on somewhere. Tonight I watched a powerful and intense movie called "Crossing". The film is based on a true story about a North Korea defector and the injustice that is occurring right now. I had many emotional state while watching the movie and one of them was anger. I became angry at the thought of how humans can treat another human being in such a detestable way. Images cross my mind as I reflect on the film and while I am very sad, I am also angry at the injustice. North Korea has a very special place in my heart and I am passionate about the human right issues. I believe that each person has the right to live in peace and right to be a human being, not be treated like dirt. Being human does not mean one can do anything to another person or take advantage of another person. For me, I believe that each person deserve the respect and love no matter what their race, religious belief, gender, culture and any status that person may be. The verse above really hit me lately and I been thinking a lot about what it means to love my neighbor, also loving my enemies and praying for them as Jesus commanded us to do as Christians. For me, North Korea really hits close to home since one of my grandfather's dream was to see the North and South be reunited as one country; however, he did not get to see that dream come true. Watching the film, my heart felt like it was ripped and broken apart into million pieces. I feel frustration, anger and sadness all at once. As I walked back to my apartment from the theater, I was thinking about what is my response going to be? I do not want to stop just here by watching the movie. I want to do more. I am torn between living here in United States where it's rich and plenty versus going overseas to help with human rights issues. I know there's a lot of problem even here in United States and injustice is going on right now. I feel overwhelm by what I am learning about the injustice that is going on and I just want to undo the harm that humans has caused against each other. It feels like there is no hope; yet, there is hope. Hope in Christ. When the world seems to come apart, Christ is the solid rock and foundation that will never falter. I love knowing that there is hope in this unsteady world. Yes, there is injustice but what can we do to stop this? It starts with loving one another and treating people with love and respect. To love not just with words but also with actions. To walk the walk and talk the talk. Not only loving those who love us but loving those who do not expect the love. To love those who are forgotten. To love those who are hurting. To love without caring what other people think about us. To be the sheep rather than the goat.

"Then the King will say to those on His right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.' Then the righteous will answer Him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' "

-Matthew 25:34-40

So what is my response? To love and care for the 'least'. To show compassion and mercy. To demonstrate the love of Christ in my life. Not just one time but all the time. Don't get me wrong, I am human too and I am not perfect in anyways. I have my flaws and I make numerous mistakes. However, I strive to love even when it hurts to love and to love people like Jesus. It's hard to love this way. I mean, it is so much easier to love people who return the love and it's so much easier to not care but that's not what it means to be a follower of Christ. To follow Christ wherever He may lead me and to love from the overwhelming love He puts in my heart.

"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgement, because in this world we are like Him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because He first loved us. If anyone says, 'I love God,' yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And He has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother." -1 John 4:16-21

Jesus loves you more than you can imagine and I am going to start loving more, caring more and forgiving more.

Thanks for reading!

Social Networking

2009-01-08T09:39:00.005-05:00

So, lately I have been on the Facebook way too much. I mean like I am signed on while I am working (I know, I should really not sign on at all during the day) but I like to be signed on and see the status changes from my friends. Really, that's a pathetic excuse and I should attempt to not sign on during the day as much as I am doing right now. I do have to say that I, for a long time, opposed the idea of being on a social networking website such as the Facebook. And then, I finally caved in and joined the Facebook. I actually am glad that I joined because I can re-connect with friends I have not spoken to in ages and also keep in contact with friends who I rarely see or friends who live far away from where I currently live. I also get to communicate with friends who I usually do not see during the week by writing on their wall or sending messages. There's many more reason I feel like social networking website such as the Facebook is effective; however, there's bad side to the social networking websites as well. For example, for a while, I had the privacy setting where all people who were in my network could view my profile and I had some awkward friend requests from people I have no clue how they found me and it's strange how people want to befriend me even though I never ever talked or met them before. Now, I have changed my setting so that random people cannot request to be my friend unless otherwise. That being said, the bad part of changing my setting is that if someone who I know want to befriend me cannot request for being friends unless they have a friend who is in my networks. I like befriending people and I rarely deny request; however, I learned that there's a point of denying access to my profile since some people have some wrong intentions of being my friend. Creepy, I know. Another con regarding social networking website is that it can consume a lot of my time and I tend to sign in and out throughout the day. I want to stay away from the website but when I get an email notifying me that I should check the website, I cannot resist very well from signing into the website. Sigh. The pro of signing into the website, other than wasting time is with the new feature of online chat, I can instantly chat with a friend who wants to chat with me and also prevent me from texting my friends during the day. So, I think social networking website is great idea and I probably will continue to use the website; however, I think I should sign on less often. Keeping in touch with friends is great but I do hate to waste time when I have other things to do. Thoughts?

Running Through the Rain

2009-01-06T23:39:00.003-05:00

I love the feeling of running through the rain and feeling the rush of raindrops on my face. I do not like getting wet or getting rained on; however, when I run in the rain, I feel like I am trying to escape from getting completely wet. For some reason, I feel so refreshed and become more awake. It does not make sense to run in the rain but for me, I take pleasure in running in the rain. Trying to outrun the raindrop from getting me wet makes me somehow happy. I realize it's simple things in life that makes me happy. I do not like when things are complicated and confusing. Sometimes, I think I just make things complicated by analyzing something that's simple more confusing. I am learning that I should take each day with simplicity and cut out excess that will weigh me down. Stress is something I do really well and I want to stress less. Be more simple in my thinking and not analyzing more than I need to do. Running through the rain. Smelling the roses. Taking the time to just be. Simplicity in life.

Exhaustion

2009-01-05T20:08:00.002-05:00

Past few days, I have not been taking care of myself well. Physically, I have yet to sleep 7 or 8 hours a night. Emotionally, I feel overwhelmed by all the things I am doing or have to get done. Outwardly, I look fine but inwardly I am just exhausted. Even though I had two week of vacation in Texas, I feel like I did not get enough rest and relaxation that I should have taken advantage while at home in Texas. I am realizing that I perform much better when I feel well rested and also I think I will make more sense when I talk. I felt like I was just spitting out words when I was talking to someone today and I was talking little bit too fast. I think I need to just take a day off when I do absolutely nothing. I think I do a lot and while I try to do less of unnecessary activities, I cannot sit still without having to do something. I am learning to be okay with doing less and being still when needed. I think this is part of my impatience. I want to get whatever task or assignment completed even though I have plenty of time to get it done. I think my impatience also affects how much I want to spend time with my friends. I desire to hang out with my friends so much that I forget about having a time for myself. Self-care. That's something I need to do more since I tend to forget that my body and mind need to have some time to rest and relax. I admit I have workaholic tendency and I am trying to cut down on how much I work. I get so into my work that sometimes I just stay at the office longer than I should be or get to the office before anyone else is there. This is something I will continue to work on this year. I think I do more to fill the void of being alone and this causes me to fill up my time with some activity. What is my intention and motivation in doing? I hope that I have good intentions and motivations with my time rather than doing something for the sake of doing. I love spending time with people and I love to give of myself. But what good is this when I am not taking care of myself? As much as I want to do more, I think I will be better off if I do little bit less of doing and do more of what I can do to love like Christ. So I am going to be honest and say I feel exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally. I think I may have to take it easy and do less. To take care of myself so that I can love and serve better. Not get so caught up working and taking break during the day. Taking naps when I feel tired. Exercising and being more healthy with what I eat. To do less and be still in the LORD. I pray that you will find rest in Christ and not do so much like I do. Thanks for reading!

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

Who Do You Live For?

2009-01-04T17:48:00.002-05:00

"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." Philippians 1:21

At NCC, we are going through a series called "Prison" and studying the book of Philippians. I love Philippians because it is a letter to the church of Philippi that Paul writes with joy. Pastor Heather challenged us today especially I felt directed toward me with the question "Who do we live for?" We are imprisoned in our lives with so many things; however, what do we really live for? I was thinking about this question and my answer came to this: I live for Christ, my family and friends. But, what about other people? Going back to the few blogs back, I wrote about loving my neighbor and it connects even here. If I only love those who love me back, what's the use? Even people who are not Christian love those who love them back easily. Still in the 1st Chapter of Philippians in verses 9 through 11, Paul says to the church, "And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ - to the glory and praise to God." To love my neighbor as myself and loving those who don't like me. I try to love people as much I can but the love is not from me but from Christ. I do not think I can love those who does not love me back or mean to me because of my appearance or my personality if I did not have Christ in my heart. It's been really hard lately to love the way Jesus told us to love our neighbor. From friends to strangers, I feel like I give of myself but I don't see the fruits in the relationships. I want to withdraw and be private rather than be enthusiastic about seeing someone when that person does not express that same happiness in seeing me or even care enough to hang out with me. However, in Philippians 1:27 - 28, Paul tells the church, "Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you. This is a sign to them that they will be destroyed, but that you will be saved-and that by God." What an encouragement! Some days, I feel like I give encouragements but not necessarily receive encouragement; however, it is better to give than receive. I think I get encouragement when I see someone get encouraged and be blessed by what little words I say to them. In Luke 14: 13-14, Jesus instructs us by saying, "But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous." How awesome is that! I think Jesus was telling me through the word that what is done to someone that cannot give back will be noticed by God. I think I rather be noticed by God than by people. People can give compliments or praises to someone that are temporary but God is eternal. I love this verse: "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matthew 6:21) So, who do I live for? I live for Christ and all the people God has created from those who think they are least to those who think they are the greatest. I do not have much to offer but I know one thing that whatever I have I offer it to Christ. To live for Christ with all that I am and not care about what people think of me. I am not beautiful outwardly but I strive to be beautiful inwardly. I want to reflect Christ and love like He does past, present and future. Who do you live for? I pray that you find encouragement in knowing that we live for One that is sovereign and forever God. Thanks for reading!

Happy 2009!

2009-01-01T16:41:00.003-05:00

Hope you all had a great New Year's day! It's so nice to come back home to DC. While I had a blast and great time in Texas with my family and friends, two weeks staying there was plenty of time. I did feel sad I had to leave my family whom I love; however, I think God is wanting me to be in DC for the present. I love the fresh start of new year and I look forward to what God will do in 2009! Thanks for reading!

Reflection of 2008

2008-12-31T14:11:00.002-05:00

Wow, 2008 is already over and 2009 is approaching. I can't believe it's going to be 2009. As I reflect upon 2008, there's been good times and then there were hard times. God has been with me throughout and I am thankful. As I approach 2009, I want live a life that reflects Christ and love more. Happy New Year! Thanks for reading!

Thoughts When Walking the Dog

2008-12-30T22:25:00.003-05:00

Past two days, I walked my dog since I won't be able to when I return to DC. While walking my dog, I had lot of time to think especially about what I read in the Bible these past two days. I was reading the parable of the Sower and ponder about what kind of seed am I. I don't want to be a seed that falls on the ground and not produce. I want to be a seed that grows and produces crop. Jesus said "But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop." (Luke 8:15). So last blog, I wrote about loving my neighbor and I been thinking about that a lot. I have been re-reading what I wrote and try to really get it. I don't want to just write or talk about it but actually live out what I write in the blog. It's been a struggle for me to live out the love my neighbor and I have been praying that I may really live out what Christ instructed us to love our neighbor. Faith in Christ and not rely on myself to do something that's a struggle for me. In Luke 9:22 - 25, "Then He said to them all: 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?' " So, this one is a tough one. To deny myself and to take up my cross daily and follow Jesus. I can imagine myself, before I became a Christian, I would have objected to what Jesus is saying to us. Sometimes, I think it'll be easier to live a life that the society consider as a norm but then I realize what's the point of life if it's about me. I rather have Christ in me then have all the worldly riches. To have my focus on Jesus and think about what He has done for me. "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." (Hebrews 12:2-3) What encouragement! Gaze upon Jesus and not get discouraged when I face hardship from the world. Being at home in Houston has been a great time of reflection for me and as we enter 2009, I pray that Jesus will be our center in our lives and follow Him wherever He leads us in life. Thanks for reading!

Love My Neighbors...

2008-12-28T13:06:00.004-05:00

Jesus commanded us to "Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these." (Mark 12:30-31) This morning I went to two worship services. One at my parents' Korean church and the other at the English church that I grew up here in Texas. I think God was trying to infuse the message of loving my neighbor as myself for this last Sunday in 2008. Who exactly is my neighbor? I was pondering about this as I listened to the sermons. Both of the sermons was about letting go of myself and loving my neighbors. Thinking and considering others before I even have chance to pity or think highly of myself. To deny myself the opportunity to think of myself and serving others without analyzing the people I am serving. When I researched the definition of 'neighbor', the Merriam-Webster's dictionary defined the word as one living or located near another and second definition was a fellow man (or human as indicated on the free dictionary online). I think of neighbors as those living next door to me or live in the same city or state but considering people outside my proximity as my neighbor, I don't know about that one. However, as I read in the Bible, Jesus had broader definition of what my neighbors are and He says in Luke 6:27-28, "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." I think it's so much easier to love someone who loves me back but Jesus further tells us "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful." (Luke 6:32-36) Lately, I had moments when it was hard to love one of my 'neighbor' or fellow men/women. I know, Jesus told us to love even our enemies; yet, it has been a struggle for me. It's so much easier to be nice to someone who do the same and it's so much easier to be friends with someone who wants to spend time with me. However, God was trying to tell me the whole time that I need to love my neighbors, not just people I am friends with but even my enemies. It's hard to love rude customers who are mean to me because the coffee wasn't made fast enough or it's hard to love people who discourage or are mean to me just because. I strive to love on people as much as possible and this love is not from me but the overflowing love of Christ who loved me first. In Ephesians 4:29-32, Paul tells the Ephesians "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." It's easier said than done. This year, I had people hurt my heart by being mean or not keeping promises. I am human too and I make mistakes; however, I try my best not to be mean or make promises I can't keep. The hurts has been building up that lately I get irritated when people are mean or make promises I know they would not keep. Throughout the Bible though, forgiveness and love are two concepts that it wants to portray as lifestyle we should strive for. Forgiving people who hurt me and loving them even despite what they did to me. I can't do it on my own for sure but through Christ I can love and forgive. Paul further emphasizes to Philippians "If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from His love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Philippians 2:1-4) In a self-centered society, Jesus is instructing us to think not of ourselves but of others. To love fellow humans just as He loved us first. In John 15:12-13, Jesus says, "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." What radical ideas! It's so much easier to love oneself then loving another human being. It's so much easier to love my family and friends than loving the people who don't like me. It's so much easier; however, being a Christian is not about having it easy. I am learning daily that being Christian is one of the hardest things in life. I get angry when I see someone who says they are Christian but treat people like dirt because Christians should treat people with respect and with love. I get angry when these people who say they are Christian but don't do anything about caring for the people who are poor or sick. I know I shouldn't get angry but I think it's more of holy anger that fumes me when I see injustice toward my fellow men/women. As I write this blog, I have realized how human I am and how vulnerable I am. Without Christ, I wouldn't be the person I am now and I would not have the joy or the peace that only Christ gives. To love my neighbor, not just when he or she love me back but loving my neighbor, 24/7, 365 days. It's a tough road but isn't that what Christ commanded us to do? I hope you'll love on people who may not deserve it or just love on someone that may not expect that love from you. Thanks for reading! Jesus loves you!

Word

2008-12-26T16:37:00.003-05:00

One of things my family do when we get together is to do a family worship/bible study time. When I was younger, we did it more frequent; however, since I live away from my family, we usually try to have this family worship/bible study time when I am in town. For Christmas, my dad delivered a message that he felt he wanted the family to remember as we approach the new year. In Luke 4, Jesus is tempted by the devil while Jesus has been fasting for forty days. The devil tempts Jesus three times; yet, each time Jesus responds by quoting the Word of God. Jesus has so well hidden the Word of God in His heart that even though He was human like us, He was able to succeed in resisting the temptations. Of course, the devil only went away temporally to scheme what he could do to hinder Jesus. I was also reading this passage during my morning devotion and I was amazed that my dad, not knowing that I read this earlier on the day would come back to this passage. I think God wanted me to really get the point that I need to be well-armed with His Word and when the world tempts me with all kinds of temptations, I too can resist by having His Word in my heart. In Joshua 1:8-9, the Bible says, "Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." What an encouragement! Even though each book of the Bible was written a long time ago, it still is living and active. When I read the Bible, I feel like God is speaking to me through the Word and tug at my heart when I come to specific passage or verse. To live in the Word and not by what this world tells me to live by or for. My foundation is Christ alone. What is your foundation look like? Thanks for reading!

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-25T14:14:00.001-05:00

I'll keep this blog short....Happy Birthday to Jesus Christ, Savior of the world! I hope you and your family will have a peaceful and joyful Christmas!

Being Present

2008-12-24T20:17:00.003-05:00

I love to spend quality times with people especially my family and friends. Since I been home for the holiday, I have had quality times with my parents and my little brother. I define quality times as being present and giving the attention to the person I am with at that moment. Today, I had great privilege of spending quality time with my dad. As someone who is working toward being more patient, one thing I love to do with my dad is go fishing. I love to fish with my dad because I get to have deep conversations with him while getting to the place to fish and then when we do fish I feel so calm and being present where I am with my dad. I learn so much from my dad about myself through the stories he tells me about my history through knowing more about my family or what it means to be a Christian or we just talk about the current events that is going on at the moment. Growing up, I went to visit the hospital a lot and my dad was the one who drove me to the hospital visits. I love the times we had together even though it was only driving back and forth from the hospital visits. When the hospital visits stopped my junior year of college, I missed driving with my dad; however, that soon was replaced with going fishing and I love it! Spending quality time with my mom includes cooking, my mom has a cooking license from Korea and she is an amazing cook (at least I think she is.) My mom is teaching me how to cook Korean food these days and I am attempting to make Korean food when I am DC. Of course, it doesn't come out as how my mom would cook it and I am better at following instructions from my mom when cooking then me trying to cook myself. I think my brother got the cooking gene and he is wonderful cook. When I am "cooking" and my mom is instructing me about how to cook, I feel present with my mom and we get to spend quality time together. For my little brother, we have conversations whenever we are in the living room or driving in a car and I learn so much from my little brother. He is so insightful and wise in his age. He is in law school and just the other day, he was telling me about criminal law and the process it involved. Of course, it went over my head since law is not my specialty but I love the conversations we have! As much as I love having quality times with my family and friends, I think God wants to have quality times with me. I think I get so busy into what is going on in my life that sometimes I neglect having quality times with God. Being present in presence of God. How does that look like? In Psalm 46:10, the verse says, "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." To be still and be in awe of presence of God that is everywhere. While driving to get to the location of the place my dad and I was going to fish, I saw the remnant of what Hurricane Ike did to the coast land. It was sad sight to see and I was amazed at the force of natural disaster. If a hurricane can cause such disaster, I am utterly amazed at what God can do more than that of a disaster if He wanted it to occur. Being present before God, I think for me that's giving all of myself to Him. "Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." Deuteronomy 6:5. Being Present. I hope that you'll spend quality times with people you love and be present this Christmas time. Thanks for reading!

Best Friends

2008-12-23T19:18:00.002-05:00

Today, I had the great honor of hanging out with one of my best friends in Texas and I love hanging out with her. Every time I come back to Texas, there's no ifs about it, I have to hang out with my best friend. I known her since freshmen in college and was roommates for three years in college. We had our good times and our bad times. We had times we liked each other and times we did not like each other very much. Through it all, we're still best friends. It's funny how life changes after college. Just two years ago, we were still in college doing random road trips and being silly. While I hung out with her, I noticed how we matured and realized that we were not in college anymore. I still like to be silly and be random but there are times when I can be serious and be grown-up. I wanted so much to remain childish but those days are gone and the day has come where I have to be an adult but I can still be child at heart, right? I consider myself still relatively young and sometimes feel so intimidated by people I work with in the office or people who are older than me in general. I mean there's so many smart and experienced people in DC, I wonder what can I possible do that can measure up to the people in DC? However, a verse that always encourages me is I Timothy 4:12 when Paul instructs Timothy: "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." What an encouragement! I sometimes give myself such an hard time about my age and experiences that I become down on myself; yet, I can demonstrate the love of Christ through how I speak and how I act. So back to hanging out with my best friend, I realized that I get excited about almost everything and I need to tune down on my excitement. I think I make myself so excited about something I will do or hanging out with someone that I forget that it may annoy someone or I may get disappointed when the excitement is not returned. I still probably will be excited about an activity or hanging out, it's just part of my personality and I am not going to change unless someone confronts me that I shouldn't be so excited. Hanging out with my best friend was like taking a fresh breath of air. It was so relaxing and I didn't feel like we had to rush through the time we were spending. I love to spend quality time with my friends and I rather hang out with friends than receiving gifts from people. I am a giver more than a receiver. I love receiving, don't get me wrong. I will probably thank you and show my appreciation for the gift but I would rather spend quality time with you more. I love hanging out with my best friend today and I will miss hanging out with her when I go back to DC. I hope you will have great opportunities to hang out with your best friends this Christmas time. Thanks for reading!

Waiting

2008-12-22T18:38:00.002-05:00

"For nothing is impossible with God." Luke 1:37

This morning, I began reading gospel of Luke today as I continue reading through the Bible from Old to New Testament. What a Soverign God we serve! I am amazed by what God does throughout the Bible. In the Old Testament, I am reading Ezekiah and in the passage I read up to this point, it points to coming of a Savior who will redeem the Israelites. I am not a Bible Scholar by any means and each day I read the Bible, there's something new that God puts on my heart. Days I don't read the Word, I feel like there's something missing in me the whole day and like food, I need to be filled by the Word. Today, the verse that's been really on my heart is the verse above. For those who know me, I am impatient and don't like to wait very much. If a project needs to be done at work, I get on it and get it done by the deadline. If I am meeting a friend or someone, I get to the place early so that the other person doesn't have to wait for me but I don't like the wait then either. I don't like waiting to hear back about a job I applied to months ago. I like to have it done quick and right away. I know I need to be more patient and wait. That's the lesson I am learning a lot these days. Waiting on the LORD. Not jumping to conclusion or taking charge of a situation. I think God is showing me daily that He needs to be the LORD of my life and give the control over to Him. In a society that promotes getting what ones want right away and not wait, I think I got stuck into that message it was sending. From mail delivery to fast foods, a person can usually get what they want in five minuets or less. I know I should know better working at a coffeehouse where some customers think their coffee drink such as lattes will be ready by the time they walk up to the bar and just a side note, lattes take a minute or two to get steamed and plus if there is a long line with customers wanting different kinds of milk, it is going to take a while for that drink to be made. As much as I should know better, I forget the lesson of waiting and being content in waiting. God can do all thing possible; yet, me, an impatient girl starts to worry about the future or anything related to waiting. Jesus tells us not to worry and says, " Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:34) What's to worry and stress about? For me, I think I get so focused on what is going on right now that I stress and worry about that even though if I just zoom out and look at what Christ did for me two thousand years ago, I should not be stressing or worrying about the little things. In Colossians 3:12, Paul tells the Colossians, "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." If we are chosen by God, what's keeping us from clothing ourselves with above mentioned traits? I know for me, patience is hard and that's a constant struggle for me. I think I don't like to wait because I feel like I waited all my life. From waiting to get a surgery or waiting to be seen by a doctor for a checkup, I just don't like how I have to wait but patience is what I need most in my life these days. I am no better than someone who is more impatient and who are not follower of Christ if I cannot be patient myself. So, I am going to strive to be more patient and be satisfy with waiting. In Psalm 40:1-4 demonstrates waiting and patience well:"I waited patiently for the LORD; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD. Blessed is the man who makes the LORD his trust, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods." I hope that we can be more patient and wait on the LORD. Thanks for reading!

Family

2008-12-21T14:40:00.007-05:00

As I reflect on my life these days, I am so thankful for my family. I think it's so easy to take my family for granted and treat my family not as nicely than I should treat them. Coming back home for the holiday, I am realizing how much I appreciate my parents and my little brother. I am thankful that my mom cooks me home-cooked meals and in a motherly way tells me not to eat out so much as I do. I am thankful that my dad tells me not to worry about the financial and gives me allowances to spend. I am thankful that my little brother and I have conversations that really challenges me personally and he points out from every angle rather than looking at it in a one perspective. I am utterly grateful that God gave me such great family! And I can't forget my dog and I am thankful my dog likes me enough to get excited whenever he sees me even if I haven't seen him for a long while. I feel so welcomed and accepted that I am not sure I want to go back to DC. Okay, so I probably would be ready to go back in about a week or so but for right now, I am comfortable say the least. As much as I feel comfortable, I feel like this is not the place God wants me in my life right now. Maybe, God will lead me back to Texas someday but I have this tugging at my heart that I am where I am for a reason that I don't really know very much. Leaving Texas for the first time was really hard. I mean, my family and my closest friends are in Texas. Texas culture is different from the DC culture and I was culture shocked when I arrived in DC. Nevertheless, I have grown to love DC and the people I have met there. I consider my church family as my second family away from home. I feel like the church is like this big family with many different types of people who constitute the family. I love teaching my 4-5 year old or kids who are in Kindergarten at church and even though they are not my children, I call them my kids because I learn so much from them as much I may teach them about love of Christ. I love serving in my church and I try to get involved as much as possible whether that be volunteering or to be a member or leader in a small group. I consider my closest friends in DC as also my family and I love spending time with them. I feel like I have so many brothers and sisters that I love having a 'big family'. Someday, if God is willing, I hope to have a family of my own. That being said, I do not want a family anytime soon because I feel like there's so much I need to learn about life and following Christ. I grown much in past few years but I think there's still much room for growth. I can't wait to go to Ethiopia and be surrounded by sisters and brothers in Christ there as well as loving people just as Christ loved us first. Just thinking about that makes me happy. I hope that you will be able to spend your time with your family or 'family' today and thanks for reading!

Divine Meeting

2008-12-20T16:30:00.003-05:00

I am finally in Texas and it's so good to be home to people who love and welcome me with open arms. Coming home was not easy since my flight was delayed and I didn't arrive to Texas until late yesterday night. While waiting at the airport, God gave me the great opportunity to meet people He has planned for me to meet. First encounter was when I got my dinner at this Chinese place in the airport and one of the worker noticed that I was burn. So when I sat down to eat at a table, the worker came by the table and sat down next to me. She began to tell me that she had a friend who was burn and was telling me that there was this certain makeup I should use to hide my scars. At this point, I didn't want to be rude and just smiled and nod. Then she called another person to get the name of the makeup brand and she gave me the phone to talk to this person. I wanted to get away as soon as possible and politely as I can. I thanked her and went to my departure gate to wait for the flight. Man, I was so discouraged from hearing about how I need to hide my scars even more and I was pretty down. The airport was crowded and there was no where to sit until seats open up. I sat down to this lady who was approachable and thought I was with this guy. So, we began to talk and I was so glad to meet another Christ follower, a sister in Christ. We began to talk about how God changed our lives and we ended up sitting together in the plane. She encouraged and ministered to me so much, more than she would ever know. When I shared my story about my burns and how Christ has so filled my heart, she also shared her story and told me that I was beautiful and she thought I looked young like being twenty. I love divine meetings and I love how we connected as family in Christ. Not only did I meet this lady but also I met another lady who sat by us. We had conversation about almost everything and what seemed like a long trip home was short due to talking with these great ladies. I think I underestimate myself and like most girls I know, I am self-conscious about my appearance. I don't really care about my burn scars but I do care that I look presentable and not get weird looks from people . I don't like to wear makeup and rather go natural all the time if I could but it's fun to wear makeup and look nice. Back to divine meeting, God has a funny way putting me at a place at the right time for me to meet certain people. I met my best friends that way and I am very thankful that He would put great people in my life. God places all kinds of people in my path. Some people are nice and other people are mean; however, I am glad I met them. I just hope that when people meet me, I can be a blessing to them, not detrimental to them. I have a great legacy from my grandparents. On my dad side, my grandfather who was a pastor met all kinds of people and from the stories I hear, he showed Christ love to people he met. I am sure my grandfather wasn't perfect but I know that he strive to follow and live for Christ daily. My grandfather was the founder/president of Korea World University Service and this nonprofit organization provided scholarship to low-income college students with tuition and housing. To get the funding for the scholarship, he traveled around the world so that there would be scholarship money for the college students. Also, he went to Princeton University as a researcher and I hope to find out what he researched while he was in America. I want to be well-traveled like my grandfather and be a blessing to people. I feel so blessed and I am so excited about going over to Ethiopia to meet the people God has planned for me to meet. Divine meetings. I am amazed and love the surprise that comes with it. During this holiday season, I hope that you'll have divine meetings. Thanks for reading!

Home

2008-12-19T08:52:00.007-05:00

Yesterday, I had the day off from my office work and it was really nice just to relax. I did some laundry, reading, shopping, packing and not think about work. I did work at the coffeehouse and closed; however, I worked only few hours. Working at the coffeehouse has its advantages and disadvantages. For instance, one advantage of working at the coffeehouse is the people I get to meet and make tasty coffee or non-coffee drinks. Disadvantage of working at the coffeehouse is the rude or picky customers who want their drink right away or make not nice comments about the drink that I just made. Another advantage is all the coffee and/or non-coffee drinks I get to make myself. I usually experiment flavors of lattes or adding flavor to non-coffee drinks and sometimes I get hyper from the caffeine too much for my own good. Seeing me really hyper is really funny actually. I get really jumpy and I talk really fast. Another disadvantage is after I work at the coffeehouse for few hours, I smell like coffee and I personally do not like the smell. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like the smell of coffee little bit at a time. Last advantage is the co-workers and I have the great honor of working with them. I love to learn about people and their stories so I look forward to working with great group of co-workers. So, advantages outweigh the disadvantages and I love working at the coffeehouse. Starting next year though, I will be working three jobs. Two positions at the office and being a barista. It's going to be craziness and I just hope I will make time to hang out with my friends still. So I bet you are wondering how this has to do with the title of my blog today. Well, it does. I was thinking about home and realized that home is where my heart is. I have two home actually. One in Houston where my family lives and the other here in DC. Depending on the circumstances I am in, home is a place where I can feel like I can be myself and not worry about what people think of me. Right now, home is Houston and I am leaving DC for two weeks. As mentioned in my few blogs back, I had some tough time in DC and it'll be nice going home to my family who will welcome me back with open arms. Don't get me wrong, DC is my home since I have lived here more for two years than in Houston; however, I feel like I have to put this front right now and I hope starting next year, I can be more of myself. I am myself around my core friends in DC; however, I feel like I compromise myself with some people here and I don't want to do that anymore. This year, I was a Yes girl and it was exhausting trying to juggle so many things. Another resolution for next year is to stand up for myself and try not to be that Yes girl. I would rather spend my time with friends or people in general than busying myself with errands and other tedious tasks that I can do without. As much as I love kids and babysitting, my goal next year is not to babysit more than I can handle. Maybe like once a week will probably work but I am going to refrain from babysitting twice or more a week. So back to the topic of home, I love the verse where Jesus comforts us by saying "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going." (John 14:11-4) How awesome is that promise! I can't wait to be with Jesus; however, I know that my work here on earth is working progress and I think He would want me to live for Him while I am here. Life is hard and most things are not easy. In Matthew 7:13-14, Jesus says to us, "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." I don't know about you but sometimes I just wish I was not going through the narrow gate in life rather I want to blend in. However, what good is it if I go on a wide road that leads to destruction and lose my life? Hands down, I would follow Jesus than following the lifestyle that the society says that I should live by. People may think I am foolish for following Christ and living my life that goes against the norm of society. I am content and yes, I am a fool for Christ. In a "me" centered society, I try to think about other people and share the love that Christ has given me. The love overwhelms me and I can't help but to share them with other people. With that being said, I learned this year that I need to also take care of myself before I can serve other people. For a while, I think I just focused so much on other person that I forgot what it was like to treat myself to a good haircut or not being the one who makes all the effort to hang out with a friend. I learned this year that it's okay for my friend to initiate a hang out time and it's okay to take the time to treat myself to a good haircut. I also learned that it's okay to say no to a person and not overload myself to do things that will make me exhausted. I think I was afraid that people will dislike me if I say no but so far, I don't think there's many people I have offended or dislike me because I said no to them. I usually will say yes unless I have too many on my plate. So, I am so excited to be in Texas and get spoiled or at least I think I will be spoiled by my parents. I am so excited to see my friends in Texas and hanging out with them. I am excited in general about Christmas and celebrating the birth of a Savior. For me, I strive to celebrate Jesus every single day and it makes me happy to know that God loves me for me not for who I will be or need to be. Hope you have a wonderful day and thanks for reading!

Mistakes

2008-12-17T09:40:00.002-05:00

I make mistakes and I try to learn from those mistakes so that I don't make them again. For example, I need to be more careful when I am xeroxing a document at work or not be overly friendly so I don't give the wrong impression to people. I like to take risks and I am learning that even with that I make mistakes; however, I can learn from them, right? I like to try new things and part of that also can mean that I can make mistakes while doing whatever new thing I am trying. For a long time, I was afraid of making mistakes and that is part of my perfectionism that I put on myself. I know now that it's okay to make mistakes and part of making mistake is learning from it rather than blame myself that I made a mistake. Also part of being perfectionist for me is being people-pleaser. I try to make everyone be happy or be so flexible to accommodate the other person so they will be pleased. I know now that there are people who will like me and there will be people who don't like me for reason unknown. As Christmas and the New Year approaches, I am making a resolution to strive to be less of a perfectionist and people-pleaser. Maybe then, I will be less stressed and be more content about myself. Hope you have a great day and thanks for reading!

Friendships

2008-12-16T08:10:00.003-05:00

"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13

I been thinking a lot about my friends lately and how much I love my friends. I don't use the L word very much because I consider words to be sacred and I really mean what I say. That's why I don't use profane words unless I am really really sad or angry but that's hardly the case for me I think (ask my friends :). So, I was pondering about what friendship means to me and came up with this. Friendship means love, respect, caring, compassion, kindness, patience, trust and other positive attributes such as loyalty and honesty. Friendship can also mean drama and conflict resolution whether through arguments and compromises. Friendship does not mean taking advantage of the other person or just being nice to that person. So with that said, I realized that I have three levels of friendship and then another category for acquaintances. To be acquaintance to me, it means that I know this person through friend or just met them once or twice but I probably won't see them for a long time or for that matter never again. Also, this is where most of my professors or co-workers would be if they are in good terms with me but I don't contact them or vice versa unless otherwise. Then there's the friendship level of being acquaintance friend who I meet at a event of some kind or through a friend who I will befriend and be in social network website friend but that's the extent of the friendship. The next level is being a friend who I may hang out once or twice; however, due to circumstances such as distance and/or other reasons we may not hang out much. At this level, I will put the effort to hang out with this friend or make plans so that we can go the next level which is being a good or a best friend. In this level, a good friend is one that I want to hang out and spend time more;however, due to scheduling conflict we may hang out once a month or once every year. Then there's my best friends who I hang out consistently more than once a month and be in communication as much as possible. I make the most effort to spend time with my best friends and try to be flexible as possible to hang out or talk on the phone. I consider my best friends like a family and I hope they think of me that way too. So with this said, I do have my limits on how much I make the effort toward a friendship. I will give it my best effort to be friends with someone but there are times when I will put less effort when the other person does not make the effort to be friends with me. I would love to spend time with all my friends; however, due to scheduling or some other circumstances, somehow it doesn't happen the way I want. So, I have a bad experience with being friends with boys (college age guys) and I am now very cautious about being friends with guys in general. The bad experience involved two guys who misunderstood my intention of friendship and thought I wanted a romantic friendship when I did not want that kind of relationship at all! It's resolved now and I think I am friends with these guys but these experiences really hurt my feelings. I don't know if most people know but I am traditional when it comes to being in a relationship. I want the guy to pursue me not the other way around. I am old-fashioned I guess but I think man to take charge and pursue the woman he is interested to be in a relationship. Okay, I know it's the turn of the century where it's okay for woman to initiate and pursue but really I rather have the man be the pursuer. That's my thoughts though and you don't have to agree. Back to the topic of friendship, so this reminded me that God wants to be friend with me and it is crucial that I spend time with Him each day. I love spending time with God and each day He teaches me something new through His Word, the Bible. These are my thoughts about friendship and if you would like to comment, please do. What does friendship mean to you? Thanks for reading!

Patience

2008-12-15T08:38:00.003-05:00

Okay, I am going to be upfront and honest. I am an impatient person and even if I appear patient, I probably am being impatient inside or talking myself into being more patient. Lately, I been noticing that I want things to be done more quickly even if I just have to wait five or less minutes. I know, it's sad, but it's one of my flaws. Yet, God calls us to wait on Him and not be haste, rather follow His lead. I am getting to a point where I want a permanent job right now but I know that God has something great for me and I just have to wait. Waiting to catch a train at the metro station, just have to say, I am glad ipod/mp3 player was invented to keep the time going. I strive to be more patient each day;yet, somehow I manage to fail at that. Sigh. So, yesterday evening, my friend had her birthday dinner at the Melting Pot. Good company, good food and good conversations, all great; however, the dinner lasted almost four hours and I was pretty impatient to get home by the end of the dinner. I mean I should have been enjoying my time at the dinner and I did to some capacity but once again, my impatience got the best of me. Maybe, starting right now, I need to practice patience and be content at where I am in my life. I also need to learn how to relax more rather than stress about every little thing but another story in itself. Well, I am going to keep this blog short for today since last few blogs were pretty long. Happy Monday and may God bless your day abundantly! Thanks for reading!

Hope

2008-12-14T11:37:00.003-05:00

"And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us." Roman 5:5

I love the word and the concept of hope. This year, I had some rough times and then there were good times as well. Just trying to graduate with a Master's was hard enough but graduating and not having a job was really tough. To be honest, I don't think I would be still in DC unless the hope knowing that God will work out everything for His glory. I considered going back to Texas and letting my parents spoil me as they always do; however, I don't think that's what I am suppose to be. I believe strongly that God wants me in DC for a reason and that in time, I will work in the field that I studied in grad school. There is so much hope that Christ gives and I hope that I live each day following hard after Him.

Today at church, the pastor gave a sermon about gift of hope and what encouragement it was to listen to that message. As I return to Texas to see my family and friends, I was stressed about what I was going to say about not having a permanent job or why I am still single while most of my friends are already married or engaged or in relationship. I am okay with being single and I feel like that I can serve the LORD more while I am single rather than being preoccupied about the other person. Don't get me wrong, I hope one day I will get married and serve alongside my husband whoever he may be. I think it's funny though that my core friends here in DC are either engaged or in a relationship. I sometime feel like I am the third wheel or the seventh wheel who tag along to activities or events. Oh well, being single is fun actually and I am going to enjoy it as much as possible! :) Anyways, back to the sermon, a comment that the pastor made really struck me. He said that we sometime focus too much on people or events that makes us unhappy yet when we zoom out like what happened 2000 years ago, there is hope and that hope that tomorrow will be better than today. I think I zoom in sometimes on the small things such as being unhappy about a situation or feeling left out when friends don't include me in some activity or another. But, I really need to zoom out and look at what Jesus did 2000 years ago. Celebrating salvation on a daily basis rather than just on Easter. Celebrating Jesus 365, 24/7 rather than just during Christmas time. I strive to live each day like Jesus;yet, I fail at it each day. However, there is hope and Christ gives us hope that even though we fail, He will succeed through us. Thanks for reading! :)

True Meaning of Christmas

2008-12-13T12:28:00.003-05:00

So, I had my second babysitting job of the week last night and it was nice just watching TV the whole time while the baby slept so peacefully. I watched "The Chronicle of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe". I wasn't watching it consistently because I was also simultaneously reading this book about Christmas songs and the meaning behind the songs. I knew few of the song's history and how it came to be but this book had a lot more. Even though, the music that accompanied that book wasn't on, I sang the songs to myself and read the stories behind the songs. I loved the Christmas songs and it showed me that the true meaning of Christmas is about birth of a Savior, Jesus. And seeing the movie also helped me realized that the Light has come to this dark world yet people did not recognize the Light. I love stories and I love the story of Jesus. I love the fact that Jesus who was God came to this world as a human being to show us what Love is all about. So this Christmas, I am going to be more of a minimalist and ask people to refrain from giving me physical gifts rather I would love to spend time with people and create Christmas time memories. One of the things I already gave myself was splurging on my hair. I got new highlights and I am explaining to myself that rather than shopping for clothes or accessories or other unnecessary stuff, I am going to treat myself by getting my hair done so if you happen to see me, my hair is different but I love the change and it fits with Christmas color. That being said, the true meaning of Christmas is about Christ and I think it's not about giving and getting more stuff. Thanks for reading!

Thankful

2008-12-12T08:40:00.005-05:00

Yesterday I babysat two fun and cute kids from church after I got off work at the office. It was really nice hanging out with kids and seeing their creative minds as I try to entertain them or they entertained me with telling me about their favorite activities and such. So, I had the great opportunity to watch two Veggie Tales and part of Lion King. I enjoy watching kids movie and reminiscing what it was for me growing up. I grew up as normal as possible but on the other hand, I did have an unusual childhood going to hospitals more than I can remember. Back to watching Veggie Tales, so one of the kids wanted to see the "Toy that Saved Christmas" and oh my goodness, I loved it! This little town comes to think of Christmas as getting more stuff or at least for the kid veggies to get more toys then this toy (somehow wired differently than the other toys) come to find out the true meaning of Christmas - birth of Jesus and how God loved us so much that He sent His one and only son. I think it reminded me that sometimes I get so into Christmas decorations, buying gifts or volunteering my time that I forget that it's all about Jesus. Christmas also is a time to be thankful and to give rather than to receive. I was pondering over this ideas and realize that I am so thankful for the God's gift of salvation and thankful for my family and friends. I am thankful for all the people that I encounter each day whether they are nice or mean to me. I just am thankful. I think that people shouldn't be thankful just once or twice a year but 365 days, 24/7. As for giving, I love to give, both presents and my time. I love to give encouragements and cheer people on. I wanted to be a cheerleader when I was younger but I didn't get to be in a cheer squad due to hospital stays or visit. So, in saying all this, I want to propose something that my church is doing during this Christmas time. Instead of giving presents (or at least for me :), how about donating the money toward buying something for someone in another country. For example, I really want to buy a goat for someone in Ethiopia so I think I am going to donate the money toward purchasing of a goat and tell my friend that I am giving that goat in behalf of her/his name. What a radical idea, right?! I don't need more stuff and looking around my room, I am always in the lookout for opportunity to give away my stuff that other people might find useful. So, here's the website where you can do just this: http://aoneeight.org/marketplace/ . I am thankful to be alive and see the beauty around me. I probably should have introduced myself on the first post but it's still the second so all good. Here's a personal narrative that I wrote in high school. It's not very good but I hope you find it encouraging that God can use something that is awful to make it beautiful.

Beautiful Accident
By Min Kim
I’m not glamorous or gorgeous like the girls on TV or in magazines, but I’m proud of the way I look now, even with burn scars. Most girls think appearance is everything, yet from my own experience, appearance isn’t everything. It is just a myth that people say on TV’s and in magazines. I didn’t always look the way I do with my burn scars. When I was five, before the tragic beautiful accident, I was like the other little girls, cute and perky. I wore an adorable little pigtails tied with pretty radiant ribbons on my raven black hair and wore darling little dresses like the princesses in fairy tales.
When I was five and my brother was four, my parents sent us to a private school to get ahead of the other little kids in education. The first private school was run by Buddhists and my parents didn’t find out until my brother and I prayed a Buddhist prayer. My grandfather was a pastor and both of my parents grew up in a Christian family. I can remember their shocked and startled faces when they heard the prayer. The next day, my parents enrolled us in a respectable private Christian school. Fear and nervousness ran through my mind making me less excited about going to the brand new private school. Just for the occasion, my mom bought my brother and me new clothes and shoes. I remember wearing a new long sleeved shirt, new long blue jeans and new pair of tennis shoes. On the first day of going to the new school, the weather was gloomy and windy. My brother and I had a fit and we even argued with my parents about going to the school. Little children, without doubt, always obey what their parents say and we dragged ourselves to the new school. The church ran the school and many teachers teaching at the school were members of the church. The school building had three floors that contained different classes and different teachers on each floor. Each grade had one teacher and one class. The pre-kindergarten class was on the first floor. On the second floor were the kindergarten class and first grade class. The third floor was reserved for the second and third grade class.
My first day of school was an unusual one. For some odd reason, my kindergarten teacher had the flu that day and a woman in her early twenties took her place. The substitute teacher was like a statue that was for decoration purpose and no one cared about. Everyone in the class knew each other well. I didn’t really care about being alone. I was still too young to understand the meaning of loneliness, and so to pass the time, I entertained myself with the toys in the classroom. My new classroom reminded me of my two-story dollhouse with many windows and doors. For amusement I wanted to go peep out the window, but lunchtime came along and everyone sat glued around the table. I didn’t eat much as usual and I swallowed the food one bite at a time. While eating lunch, a young boy, a little older than us came dashing into the kindergarten class and told us that there was a fire in the building. The substitute panicked immediately after hearing the news. My classmates, including myself, didn’t really comprehend what was going on. Suddenly, the substitute shut all the windows and doors in a hurry. The substitute became a bee, busying herself from one place to another trying to do many things at one time.
So what happened to my brother’s pre-kindergarten class? My brother’s real pre-kindergarten teacher was in a good mood because she had a new outfit. So, she took her pre-kindergarten class out to the playground to play.
The fires slowly crept into my kindergarten class and the substitute went insane. Then she hollered that she was getting help and escaped, knowing she would not come back. After she left, everything around me went pitch-black like a night with no moon or stars. I was afraid, and I felt like a prisoner wanting freedom. When the fire died from the building, the firemen realized that the kindergarten class was not outside. They immediately went to my kindergarten class and rescued us. Before the fire ever reached other classes, all the other grades except the kindergarten class came out of the fire safely. The fire burned down the kindergarten classroom. Of the fourteen children in the class only seven survived the fight with the fire. I’m one of the lucky seven who survived. No one really knows the main cause of the fire; yet, there are many theories on how the building caught on fire. The main theory is that a little kid in pre-kindergarten class went inside to keep warm. When he played with the stove, it blew up. But, some people claim that the young adults who used the building once were mad at the church for making the building into a private school, and so they set the building on fire.
I don’t really care who set the fire and I am not angry with anyone. I thank God for saving me from the fire and letting me live. God turned something people made terrible into something beautiful. Not many people had hope for me when I was in the hospital. I survived and showed the people around me that anything is possible through God. I woke up few days later from a long sleep like Sleeping Beauty. Everything changed in my life after the day I woke up from almost dying. Most little kids don’t go through the treatments I went through, but I did without complaining. Through this life changing accident, I realized I want to be a doctor like the doctors who treated me. I went through lots of teasing and mocking from my peers after I came out of the hospital, about six months later. The teasing and mocking didn’t hurt me emotionally, but made me stronger a person. I don’t see my burn scars as something to grieve about, but they are a reminder of a beautiful tragic accident that changed my life for the better. Beauty is only skin deep in appearance; beautiful is when someone does something beautiful for other people.

*Note: So the narratives ends here; however, my story is longer than this. God had another plan for me and being a doctor was not one. Ask me about what happen to the dream of becoming a doctor and how God has shown me that my plan was minuscule to what He has planned. Thanks for taking the time to read this narrative and hope it is an encouragement to you!

Love for Ethiopia

2008-12-11T08:49:00.000-05:00

I'm not good with words, but here's me trying.

For a while, I wanted to go on a mission trip with National Community Church. I love mission and spreading love to people who are culturally, economically, socially, politically, and/or religiously differ in view from me. I love the concept of mission and being 'hands and feet' for Christ. I think what kept me from going on a mission trip is the financial aspect. Not having a permanent job makes it hard for me to go even though God always provides the money. I been to mission trip to Europe, Eurasia, Mexico, and various US cities but I have yet to go on mission to South America, Asia, and Africa. Yes, I was born in South Korea and visited my great birth country but I would love to go to other Asian countries other than South Korea. Even though I don't have much to give, I want to share the love that God has shown me through and through. So, I debated and talked to my family and friends about going on a mission trip. I did not know where or when or how I was going to raise the money but I trusted God that He will work out the details. When NCC announced the A1:8 (Acts 1:8) mission trips, I was so excited that there were many opportunities to go whether here in US or out of the country. After that, I started praying and asked God to put a passion in my heart for a country He wants me to go to. And He did. I originally wanted to go on the Thailand mission trip; however, I just started a new job and the timing was not right so I did not get to go on this mission trip (See "Girl" documentary, forever changed my view). One of my life goals/dreams is to go to Africa and love on people who may not receive the love I have received all my life. I know what it's like to be on the outside and be mocked and teased because of my appearance. I do not think I would be who I am now if I did not have Christ in my heart. So, Africa. Where to? I started to read up on the different mission trips that NCC was planning to do and I saw Ethiopia. Ethiopia. I heard much about this country from the news and love the food but I do not know much about the people. So, I began looking up information about Ethiopia and went to the informational meeting for the Ethiopia mission trip that is occurring March 2009. Initially, the focus for this mission trip was to work with people with AIDS/HIV who live in Entoto Mountain; however, due to the size of the group (two groups now!), there may be other projects we will be helping Beza in Addis Ababa. I am so excited about what God will do there! Going back to informational meeting, after hearing the potential for this trip, I knew that this was where I was going. I am nervous about going but I will not fear because if God is for us, who is against us? Since there are two groups, I am in the earlier group that is going March 6-16th, 2009 (or tentatively scheduled). It's coming up soon and I am having multiple emotional states these days from being excited to being stressed about the job situation. God is good, all the time and I know that He will work out everything. So, would you pray for me? I need all the support I can get and I really appreciate your prayers. I will try to keep up with this blog and update you on Ethiopia. Thanks for reading!