Time for Everything

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (NIV)

I turned 30 few days ago and what a milestone birthday it has been. Turning 21 was big but turning 30, it was even bigger. There were moments before I turned the big 3-0 when I felt panic coming up but I kept reminding myself that it's just a number and with age comes more wisdom and life experiences. I learned so much and grown a lot as a person. I look forward to what God has in store for me this coming year. As I reflect on my life this far, I feel like there is so much that God is still working in my life and preparing me. I think I am still in the season of preparation and even though I am not sure where I will eventually be, I will follow His lead. Trust in a God who knows the best for my life and God who loves me far more than anyone in this world. 

God's timing is just right and I need to have faith that God is doing something in my life for His glory. Take a leap of faith and run the race with God. Persevere and see it to the end. Not give up and keep my eyes on Christ.Be okay in my own skin and be confident knowing that God loves me no matter what. Not to worry about the little things and let God take care of me. 

April has been a month long celebration of my birthday and I am so thankful to my family and friends who made it extra special for me. I felt very loved by all the birthday wishes, surprises and gifts! THANK YOU! May love of Christ is showered richly in your life. Thanks for reading! 

PUSH

WOW, it's been more than a year since my last post. 2013 had its highs and lows. As always, I kept myself busy and well, that led to me lack of blogging. Sorry about that. 

This year is my 30th year and I am joyfully anticipating what God will do in and through my life. I feel like with each year I gain one more life experience and that excites me. Don't get me wrong, turning thirty is scary but exciting at the same time. Scary because it's one of the milestones in life but also exciting because I am not in my 20s anymore! 

A lot has happen since my last blog. Condensed highlights of 2013: I moved in with another amazing roommate who challenges and pushes me to grow, I was in Chicago for a work conference, I was in Northern Ireland for a mission trip with my church last July (thank you to all the supporters!), I got a new car (with lots of help/advices from my family and friends!). 

So, this year, my word is "intentional". I felt like last year I was keeping busy and sometimes missed the intentional part. It's still a learning process as I try to be more intentional with my time, relationships, money and all aspect of my life. So far, I think I am not doing too well with being intentional with my time. I over committed this winter/spring but thank goodness there is grace in that I still have time to be more intentional. 

The other day I was driving home and the car in front of me had a bumper sticker with "PUSH". It stands for 'Pray Until Something Happens' and that struck a chord with me. I think it's so easy to give up on prayer and forget that God is so much bigger than us. I haven't been good about praying as much as I want or need to but I think Holy Spirit prays on behalf  and it's a comforting thought. One of my favorite quotes from Pastor Mark Batterson's The Circle Maker:  "There comes a moment when you must quit talking to God about the mountain in your life and start talking to the mountain about your God. You proclaim His power." That's powerful that God already knows about the mountain in my life and I can't let the mountain put fear or control over me. By proclaiming to the mountain about God, it puts God in control and that is so awesome! Right now, I am trying to figure out what God's calling for me and it's hard to wait patiently for His leading. I want to jump into my next adventure but I sense that God is telling me to wait. Wait on Him and trust Him. To be intentional about praying and not giving up. 

May Christ's love dwell in you and know that He loves you more than you know! Thanks for reading and I hope to be better about blogging this year!

I thought I repost my narrative I wrote when I was in high school since it's new year and I hope it's encouraging to you as much it is encouraging to me. 


Beautiful Accident
By Min Kim


I’m not glamorous or gorgeous like the girls on TV or in magazines, but I’m proud of the way I look now, even with burn scars. Most girls think appearance is everything, yet from my own experience, appearance isn’t everything. It is just a myth that people say on TV’s and in magazines. I didn’t always look the way I do with my burn scars. When I was five, before the tragic beautiful accident, I was like the other little girls, cute and perky. I wore an adorable little pigtails tied with pretty radiant ribbons on my raven black hair and wore darling little dresses like the princesses in fairy tales.
When I was five and my brother was four, my parents sent us to a private school to get ahead of the other little kids in education. The first private school was run by Buddhists and my parents didn’t find out until my brother and I prayed a Buddhist prayer. My grandfather was a pastor and both of my parents grew up in a Christian family. I can remember their shocked and startled faces when they heard the prayer. The next day, my parents enrolled us in a respectable private Christian school. Fear and nervousness ran through my mind making me less excited about going to the brand new private school. Just for the occasion, my mom bought my brother and me new clothes and shoes. I remember wearing a new long sleeved shirt, new long blue jeans and new pair of tennis shoes. On the first day of going to the new school, the weather was gloomy and windy. My brother and I had a fit and we even argued with my parents about going to the school. Little children, without doubt, always obey what their parents say and we dragged ourselves to the new school. The church ran the school and many teachers teaching at the school were members of the church. The school building had three floors that contained different classes and different teachers on each floor. Each grade had one teacher and one class. The pre-kindergarten class was on the first floor. On the second floor were the kindergarten class and first grade class. The third floor was reserved for the second and third grade class.


My first day of school was an unusual one. For some odd reason, my kindergarten teacher had the flu that day and a woman in her early twenties took her place. The substitute teacher was like a statue that was for decoration purpose and no one cared about. Everyone in the class knew each other well. I didn’t really care about being alone. I was still too young to understand the meaning of loneliness, and so to pass the time, I entertained myself with the toys in the classroom. My new classroom reminded me of my two-story dollhouse with many windows and doors. For amusement I wanted to go peep out the window, but lunchtime came along and everyone sat glued around the table. I didn’t eat much as usual and I swallowed the food one bite at a time. While eating lunch, a young boy, a little older than us came dashing into the kindergarten class and told us that there was a fire in the building. The substitute panicked immediately after hearing the news. My classmates, including myself, didn’t really comprehend what was going on. Suddenly, the substitute shut all the windows and doors in a hurry. The substitute became a bee, busying herself from one place to another trying to do many things at one time.


So what happened to my brother’s pre-kindergarten class? My brother’s real pre-kindergarten teacher was in a good mood because she had a new outfit. So, she took her pre-kindergarten class out to the playground to play.


The fires slowly crept into my kindergarten class and the substitute went insane. Then she hollered that she was getting help and escaped, knowing she would not come back. After she left, everything around me went pitch-black like a night with no moon or stars. I was afraid, and I felt like a prisoner wanting freedom. When the fire died from the building, the firemen realized that the kindergarten class was not outside. They immediately went to my kindergarten class and rescued us. Before the fire ever reached other classes, all the other grades except the kindergarten class came out of the fire safely. The fire burned down the kindergarten classroom. Of the fourteen children in the class only seven survived the fight with the fire. I’m one of the lucky seven who survived. No one really knows the main cause of the fire; yet, there are many theories on how the building caught on fire. The main theory is that a little kid in pre-kindergarten class went inside to keep warm. When he played with the stove, it blew up. But, some people claim that the young adults who used the building once were mad at the church for making the building into a private school, and so they set the building on fire.


I don’t really care who set the fire and I am not angry with anyone. I thank God for saving me from the fire and letting me live. God turned something people made terrible into something beautiful. Not many people had hope for me when I was in the hospital. I survived and showed the people around me that anything is possible through God. I woke up few days later from a long sleep like Sleeping Beauty. Everything changed in my life after the day I woke up from almost dying. Most little kids don’t go through the treatments I went through, but I did without complaining. Through this life changing accident, I realized I want to be a doctor like the doctors who treated me. I went through lots of teasing and mocking from my peers after I came out of the hospital, about six months later. The teasing and mocking didn’t hurt me emotionally, but made me stronger a person. I don’t see my burn scars as something to grieve about, but they are a reminder of a beautiful tragic accident that changed my life for the better. Beauty is only skin deep in appearance; beautiful is when someone does something beautiful for other people.

Love

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.  Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other." Galatians 5:22-26

I was reading through my previous blog posts and recurring theme that comes up is love. Love is one of the fruit of the Spirit and one of the hardest for me to live out. I am realizing each day that I am a selfish human being and I fail at love. I say I love my family but am I really loving them? I say I love my friends but do I show it? I say I love my neighbors but do I stop to talk to them? To be honest, I am no good at loving people all on my own. It's only through God's love and seeing how Jesus loves that I get a glimpse of what love really is. I am amazed at God's love. His love is so big that I cannot fathom how a God can love a small person like me. Some days I feel unlovable but I soon realize that I am lovable and need to affirm that. Reading through the Word, God points to His love for us and I am in awe. Knowing that God loves me should produce an overwhelming joy but I forget and soon I am flooded with what world tries to tell me that I am not lovely. I am thankful that Holy Spirit tugs at my heart and says to me God loves me and thinks highly of me. Who am I? I am daughter of most high God and God chose me to be His child. I am follower of Christ, disciple striving to be more like Christ. I fail but He picks me up and tells me to keep going. Life is not about being happy or gaining more material possession but it's about bringing God the glory in my life and living out the love that He gives me. It's still a hard concept to grasp but I know one day God will reveal it to me. While I struggle with what I am suppose to be doing with my life, I know that in God's timing, He will show me and guide me. So I wait for my Lord to direct my paths. May God's presence be with you and my love of Christ overwhelm you today! 

Loving My Enemies.

What did Jesus mean when He said, "But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for He is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful." (Luke 6:35-36)? How does that look like? To turn the other cheek and giving to those who take away the very clothes on myself. To pray for those who persecute and mock me. Did Jesus mean what He commended? I completely believe He meant what He said. Jesus' commend is impossible to obey on my own but by having faith and trust in Him, only then can I truly love my enemies. Who are my enemies? It's the person who hurt me and mock me. It's the individual who lies and cheats to get their own ways. It's the one who betrays and turn his or her back on me. I am realizing more and more these days that people I think are my friends will eventually fail, disappoint and give up when circumstances are too hard. God never fails, He never disappoints and He never lets go. His love is overwhelming and extravagant. How do I love my enemies as myself? How can God love a person like me when I struggle each day to love people? These days, I feel discouraged and it's harder to love. Only way I love is following Christ and striving to live like Him. He loved His enemies even when they killed Him on the cross and rejected Him. He forgave those who hurt Him and asked His Father to forgive them. What a wonderful Savior! I think one way to love my enemies is denying myself and taking up my cross each day. To seek and run to Jesus when I can not love on my own. To read the Bible and pray. To be in intimate conversation continually with Him. To become like Christ. I do not have it all figured out about loving my enemies but one thing I know, I want to obey Christ's commend and live a life that glorifies Him. My life is not my own. I was given this life for His glory and I pray that He will use me. I pray that He will teach me daily to love like Him. Thanks for reading what's happening in my heart and head! May love of Christ overwhelm you and give you peace!

Loving God, Loving Others

What does it mean to truly love my neighbors as myself? How can I be the person that Jesus would be proud of being His follower? What does love look like? How can God love us when we are so undeserving? There is so much questions I been thinking about. These are just few questions I have been reflecting upon. I have yet to completely answer the questions I been thinking about but one day I hope my questions will be answered completely. So, I am returning to help out with Alpha in leadership team capacity and I thought last semester was my last one; however, I felt that I needed to be part of Alpha again this semester. I hope that I can walk along side each individual in my group whoever they may be. I pray that God will break my heart for what break His heart and open my eyes to being aware of what He is doing in and through Alpha. Alpha is 10-week course that outlines basics of Christianity. I started out in Alpha as a guest and since then, I been involved almost every semester. I am not great with words and I get nervous speaking within a group setting but being in Alpha has helped me break out of my comfort zone. Although I have been a leader of Alpha small group for two semesters, going into it a third time, I am still feeling nervous. Each group is unique and each person in it brings something different to the group discussions. I have insecurities and one of them being speaking to people. I fear that I will say the wrong things or something stupid and sometimes I just end up being silent within a group setting. I need to break out of my insecurities and just trust God for the words I will speak within my group. I am not sure why God has led me back to being in Alpha; however, I trust Him completely that He has me there for a reason whether that be encouraging someone further in their walk with Christ or plant a seed in some one's life. Whatever it may be, I am excited and scared at both times. I pray that Alpha will bring individuals to knowing Jesus and he or she may embrace the perfect relationship that is in Jesus. Human relationships are messy and difficult; however, relationship with the Heavenly Father is perfect and He demonstrates the perfect love. I do not understand what love truly means but as I walk deeply with Christ, I hope one day I will come to comprehend what true love is. I pray that I will embrace that true love that is in Jesus and that love will overflow to loving people. I am ashamed to say that there are days I do not love my neighbor as myself and I seek out Jesus that He will love through me. He can do more and be greater if I become less. I want Christ to be my center and He may be glorified in every aspect of my life. I struggle and I fall when I try to live on my own but with Jesus, my life has meaning beyond what I have imagined. I look to Him and raise my hands that I need Him daily. I surrender.

New Name

This morning I read first few chapters in the Book of Revelation since I am following the reading plan for From Garden to City (www.fromgardentocity.com) and one thing that really stuck out was about getting new names mentioned in the passage. I love names and meaning of names. I love to assign nicknames and love getting nicknames from my family and friends. Whenever I hear my name being called, I love it. I love that I am being acknowledged by someone. I wonder if God loves it whenever I say His name in my prayers? I wonder if God can't wait to hear His children call on Him? For me, I can't wait for the day when God gives me a new name that I will only know when He calls me. Some people hate their names but for me I love my name. My name is special to me because my paternal grandfather named me and although my brother also has the same first name, we have different middle names and that makes it unique. My name may be old-fashioned and simple but for me, I regard my name with pride. My first and middle name means pure and mild precious stone. What does that look like? For me, it means that I try to live my life with pure mild heart and like a precious stone, I try to live my life as a treasure that was bestowed onto me. I strive to uphold my name and carry the legacy that my ancestors passed on to me. Christ in me and may His life radiate in every aspect in me. This is just what I was thinking about at this moment. Thanks for reading & may Jesus overwhelm you with His love!

Thoughts

I dislike being this way but sometimes I care way too much about something that's not worth my time to care about. I am disappointed at something that happened and really, it's not something I should feel offended about. I should not care about what men do but I should truly care about what God does in my life. I think I take what people do so seriously that I take it too personal. I wonder who my true friends are and who I can trust. Although I was with my family not too long ago, I am longing to be with my family who truly accept me for who I am. I so desire for the God's unconditional love and hunger for what is true. I thirst for what is right. My spirit is low but I am seeking the LORD to fill it up. I don't know where to turn other than to Jesus. I do not want to feel this way toward my brothers and sisters in Christ. Who are my friends? What does it mean to love my neighbor as myself? Thoughts that are running through my mind.

Good-bye 2010, Hello 2011

Can't believe 2010 is ending and 2011 is entering. What a year it has been! God has done so much this year in my life. Looking back, I am grateful for all that He has done. There were good moments and bad moments. Memories that I will treasure and situations I want to forget. On one hand, I experienced the joy of new and continuing friendship through road trips and various social activities. I look forward to having many more fun-filled memories in 2011. On the other hand, I dealt with moments of low point when I felt I was distant from God. God was always there for me, it was just me who felt that I was so far away. I thought if I just try hard enough to be closer to God then maybe I would not feel so distant but God accepts me just as I am. God loves me, silly naive me. In 2010, I learned more about patience and love. I am still working progress and some days, I don't quite understand myself. God wired me uniquely and I am trying to figure out how does God want to use my potential for His glory. It's been frustrating and there were times when I want to just give up but at those times, God encourages me somehow through people or situations that I don't quite comprehend. I treasure the learning opportunities and I hope I will actual take them to heart. As for 2011, I want to live the word "simplify" and I want to make the effort to do less. I want to have time to reflect and really dive into God's Words rather than keeping myself busy with one activity to another. It's going to be a challenge since a) I have a hard time saying 'no' and b) I enjoy being around people. I don't want to completely cut off from the activities I am doing but I want to be a good steward of my time. I don't know what 2011 will hold but with the unknown, I hand over my trust to God and believe that He knows the best. In the high and in the low, whatever it may be, may my life bring glory to God. Happy New Years friends and may 2011 be filled with overwhelming love of God in your life!

Miracle

Hard to believe but it has been 21 years ago this time of the year when I was in a school fire accident. Doctors in capital city of South Korea at the time didn't think I would make it but here I am 21 years later, living in capital city of the United States of America, alive. God did what was impossible with man into something possible. Miracle. I didn't deserve that miracle. There were 7 other kids in my classroom who could take my place, instead God wanted me to have this miracle. I am so grateful for what God has done in my life thus far. I am amazed by God's grace and love. I have to remember that during the hard periods of life that God will be with me no matter what. People will come and go in my life but God will always be there for me. Some days, I feel so alone even when I am surrounded by my friends and other days, I feel so energized being around my friends. Lately, I been in this funk and I want to desperately get out of it. I am not content and maybe it's a wake-up call. I just don't know if this means I need to initiate something in my life whether that be starting to think about my future or just wait little longer. I need discernment from God and I need to get out of this funk. I want the joy of the LORD to be my life. Starting now, I commit to seek out the joy of the LORD and have it be part of my life each day. Thanks for reading and may God overwhelm you with His love!

Becoming to Be...

Who am I becoming? This is the question that is running through my head. I do not want to conform to what society stamps as the norm. I do not want to be identical to someone I admire. What do I want to be? I do want to be follower of Christ and radiate His love to a broken world. I want to help an individual to become the person he or she wants to be. I want to be influential not in a controlling way but I want to empower a person to be better. I think I love cheering for people because that makes me so happy knowing that God created that person with so much potential possibilities and abilities that maybe if I gently push him or her, just maybe he or she will have the courage to go forward instead of being stagnant or go backward. In my current state, I do not feel like I am making a difference very much. I strive to be active and engage in people's life but am I encouraging or empowering someone? I wonder if I am using my potential to God's glory and if not, what is keeping me? I just have this sense that I could be doing more but maybe I am being impatient again. I think there's still a lot more lessons to be learned and God is molding me each day. How am I becoming the person that God knows I can be? I think I need to start praying more and listening to Him rather than trying to figure it out on my own. Just thoughts I been pondering about. Thanks for reading and may God bless you abundantly!

Word

Words really affect me. When someone praises or criticizes me, I take it to heart and I accept or I think about it for while. There was point in my life when I could not take criticism or compliment very well. I came to realize that I can learn from criticisms and I can take hold of compliments by not letting it become prideful in my life. I am learning that I cannot allow words to affect me so much. For example, when someone tells me I am doing a job well done, then, I need to just thank him or her, instead of not owning to the accomplishment. On the other side, when I receive criticism, I tend to think poorly of myself and I need to stop beating myself up mentally but learn from it.

What is it about a word that affect me in a such powerful or impacting ways? Growing up, I heard words that were hurtful about my appearance and even now, I cringe whenever I hear certain words. I love to listen to the lyrics of the music and it's usually determines if I like that song or not. I think the words in a speech can inspire or discourage the audience. Words in a book can change some one's life or be an entertainment when all others fail.

I value the words that's spoken and I try to say only what I mean. Sometimes it's so hard to say the word and I fumble when I talk but I hope I am genuine when I speak. I think actions can speak louder than words some days. There are so many instances when I feel like I have just the right words but then I do not have the words at that moment.

What would it be like if people used words that would build each other up rather than tearing each other down? How can words be used to bring life into a person who needs it? This is glimpse of what I am thinking these days. Thanks for reading and may the love of Christ radiate your day!

Being Teachable

I been thinking a lot about what makes me alive and motivates me to go forward. After much pondering, one that came to mind is learning. I love to learn and digest what I have learned. I love the feeling of learning and coming to understand what I have been taught. I was not always teachable. I used to be stubborn and set in my ways. I think I learn to be teachable when I went to college and from there I just wanted to learn as much as possible. I am lifelong learner and I hope I continue to be teachable. When I was younger, I did not want to learn or try new ideas or actions. I wanted to walk in the old ways and stay clear of the new ways. With time, I came to appreciate learning new ideas or actions. In my Christian walk, I strive to be a disciple of Christ and I feel like I am continuously learning about what it really means to have a Christ-centered life. Learning excites me and I wish I can be a lifelong professional student but I remember I still need to pay my bills so I have to make a living by working in a job. Deep inside me, I want to learn and take the challenges that come with learning. Currently, I feel stuck and I do not know if I am being challenged enough in my life as whole. I kind of wish I was back in college or graduate school and learn about some subject that may interest me. One of my favorite hobby is sports. I feel like I have so much to learn and understand certain sports. For example, I love baseball and cheering for my teams but secretly, I want to understand how to keep count and mark it down on the scorecard. I just find it fascinating when fans at the ballpark write on the scorecard. All I do is cheer for the team and try to follow the game much as possible. To be honest, I think I would love baseball even more if I understand the game much better. Another example, the Bible. I love the Bible and there is so much to learn about in the Bible. I think sometimes I just merely read the Bible and miss the lessons or points that God may be teaching me at that moment. There's so many other examples and I want to continue to learn. I believe that if I was not teachable then I would not be the person I am right now. I learned to take care of myself when I had to move away from my family. I learned to enjoy variety of food and eating new types of food. I learned to speak another language other than my native language. I learned to appreciate being photographed and taking photos to capture the moments. I am slowly learning to say no when appropriate and learning to rest. Life is full of lessons I need to learn and I hope I continue learning even when I am very old. All this to write, I want to be teachable and learn as much as possible.Thanks for reading and may Christ love fill you up today.

"Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name." -Psalm 86:11

Rest

I learned my lesson today and it's a repeated lesson. Past week, I was doing activities non-stop and this morning I felt the effect of it all. My body was telling me that I need to stop and rest. I stayed at my apartment and took my sick leave today from work. My friends were having a get-together but I had to forgo on that. As much as I like to do stuff with my friends, I am realizing that if I don't care for my body then no one else will. I am not a robot that can function continuously, even robot will stop if it's energy source is gone. It was nice to just rest and recharge. I think I need to seriously look at what all I am doing and have a time when I can rest. May you find rest and peace in Christ today!

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." -1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Joy in the LORD

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

Where does my joy come from? The hope of Christ. Lately, I feel like I have been lacking in the joy department. Circumstances surrounding me have detract me from having that joy that it has made me feel down and discouraged. However, my close good friend prayed over me via email today & almost brought tears in my eyes as I read the words she wrote with encouragment to my heart. She prayed in her email that God will restore the joy in my life and that really struck my heart. I think I let the world suck me into thinking that I need to worry rather than trust in Jesus only. Whatever situtation I am, I just need to give it to the LORD rather than thinking it over in my head and leading to unnecessary stresses. I think I need to spend more time in the Word and prayer. Hope in Christ. Joy in my heart. Thankful that this life is not about what I do but the glory of His name. May Christ fill your heart with joy and peace! Thanks for reading!

Season of Learning

"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." Psalm 27:14

It's been a while since I last wrote an blog entry and I feel like it was just yesterday when it was the start of the new year. Last month was my one year anniversary working in my current position at my company. I am getting in the work routine and slowly what I am doing at my job is not as challenging as I first started. I am grateful to be working especially in this economy but I just feel like I could be doing something more with my skills, talents and gifts. However, in my heart, I feel a tug that saying I need to wait. Although, I may not know the role that my current job position will play in the future, I will continue to learn much as possible until I am called do something else. A phrase that really stuck out to me in this weekend's Pastor Mark's message was 'every opportunities is a preparation for the future.' Right now, I feel like I am stuck and wish I knew what exactly God is calling me to do in life. I have this sense of wanting to jump into something new but I also have this conflicting side of me that says I need to learn to be patient. I think learning to wait is a constant lesson I am faced with since I graduated from college. I think God is trying to teach me to trust Him and rely on Him more than anything else in this world. I am learning that I may work hard and strive to give it 200% in my job; however, I need to let God direct me rather than me trying to take action on my own. I am stubborn and independent when it comes to asking for help. These days, I feel like I ask God for help so much. Part of me want to hold on to being stubborn and independent but I know that I need to let go and let God work within and through me. I am also learning that I am human being and I cannot constantly keep myself busy. I need to stop and breath. I am learning to take one day at a time and not try to finish everything that day. God is so gracious and patient with me. He demonstrates His love over and over again but I seem to need that reminder over and over again. My prayer is that I will learn to wait for the LORD and patiently learn the lessons He has for me. Also, I pray that He will teach me to love people as He loves us first. So much to learn and so much to soak in all the lessons. I am very thankful for the opportunity to learn and all the people who are in my life to help me with the lessons. May God give you the opportunities to learn and give you joy in your life! Thanks for reading!

What's to Come ...

First off, Happy New Year!!!!

Now that's off my chest, so far it's been a good few days into 2010. I don't know where God is leading me but this I know, I eagerly wait for the LORD. It's been three years in Washington, DC and how time flies. There's a lot I am thankful for but there's a lot of questions of my future. I feel restless some days with what I am doing in DC. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for what I have in my life so far but I get this sense that there's got to be more to what God wants to do through and in me. I feel like maybe I am selling myself short or maybe, I am suppose to just wait. Right, waiting. Did I mentioned that I am not good at being patience? Outwardly, I may seem patience but inwardly I am not patient. As I go into this new year, I want to work on being more patient and wait on Him. I desire to become more like Christ in everything I say, act and do. I want to love God like Jesus did. I want a heart that reflects my heavenly Father and bring Him glory. This seems impossible but with Christ, everything is possible. I want more Spirit of God to live in and through me. I want to listen more and talk less when I pray to Him. In the silence, He is there. I want to put Him first and get rid of the idols in my life. What are the idols of my life? What controls me? What do I serve? How can I remove the idols in my life and put Him first in my life?

There's a lot to pray and think about. I am excited about what's to come but also scared about it too. I should not be afraid. I am going to be bold and courageous in Christ who believes in me when everything may seem confusing and chaotic. Peace of Christ. May the peace that only Christ can give be with you today and know that He loves you more than you can imagine. Thanks for reading!

Eve of New Year's Eve ...

"Praise the LORD. Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; His love endures forever." Psalm 106:1

Here I am again since I have lots of down time at work due to finishing my workloads plus some workloads of my coworkers who are on vacation.

I can't believe 2009 is almost over and 2010 will be here in no times! What a year it has been! There were good times and bad times in 2009. Most people I talked to are ready for 2009 to end and 2010 to begin. I have mix feelings about it. I think I am ready for 2010 and what it will bring but I also enjoyed what I did in 2009.

Although I will somewhat miss 2009, I am looking forward to what 2010 will bring. I am waiting on the LORD and what He will do in and through my life. I been thinking a lot about going to law school or even start thinking about a new job or even a promotion to my current job. In all this thoughts though, I am grateful for what God has done in my life thus far. I am so thankful that God has provided for me time and time again. I am thankful that I am working and have a church family. I am thankful for my family who prays and thinks of me constantly. I am thankful for friends who encourage and challenge me pretty much daily encounters. If I can come up with what 2009 means to me it would be being thankful.

What are you thankful for this year? I want this next year to be filled with thanksgivings and new adventures. I wait eagerly for the LORD and I hope He will fill you with peace and love beyond words. Thanks for reading my blog! Cheers!

Reflection

I can't believe it's been a while since I last wrote on my blog. Sorry. Life has been crazy busy. New friends, old friends. Busyness of life.

With everything going on, people would say I am happy and content. Am I? I feel like there's more to life than what I am doing right now. I am content with my job but it's not what I am passionate about. To be honest, I have been in this funk these past months and I desperately want to get out of it. I want to feel alive and live the life that God has created me to do. I want to go and do His will. As much as I want to just take the risk, I feel like God is telling me to wait. Wait and pray.

Patience is not one of my strengths, actually it's a weakness of mine. I do not like waiting so I try not to be late so that the other person will not wait on me. However much I hate waiting, I think that I just need to wait. Wait on the LORD. Where is He leading me?

As end of the year approaches and new year begins, I want to make a covenant with God and strive to live a life that is pleasing to Him. I desire to be in His will and help others come to relationship with Him.

What am I doing with my life? Who am I becoming to be? I think there's going to be a lot of reflection and evaluation in my life these coming days.

Thanks for reading! May God grant you peace and love in your life. :)

Rest....

Rest. Simple word; yet, I don't do it enough. My favorite day of the week is Sunday. I love Sundays because I consider that day to be my sabbath. Day of rest. Do I actually rest though? Not really. I somehow manage to do something or other and do not get the rest I need or want. Recently, I been desiring rest more than ever. I have been sick with allergies/sinus or possibly a cold. What does it mean to rest? I need to chew on this some more...more to come later.

Salt and Light

"You are the salt of the earth...You are the light of the world." Matthew 5:13-14

I finally had the time to watch the webcast of sermons I missed past two weeks for A1:8. I am co-leading a group called Nightingale NE and this group is about 'reaching out to those who can't reach us with love, comfort and basic needs.' The desire to minister to patients and hospital staffs grew out of passion that God placed in my heart and my co-leader's heart. I have experience being the patient in the hospital and there were times when I felt lonely when people did not come visit me while I was recovering from some surgery I had for my burn scars. I got my fair share of hospital stays and going to check-up visits when I wasn't an inpatient. Even amidst being at the hospital a lot, I also had fair share of being at school or trying to catch up on assignments I missed by staying after school. I did not get to do a lot of sport activities due to limitations from surgeries I was recovering at that particular time; however, I was active in various extra-curricular activities. I did not exactly fit in at school because I guess I strive to live a life that radiate Christ. Don't get me wrong, I have my struggles and failures in my life. I think from a young age, my family placed great importance of having Christ in my life and living out my faith. I still try to figure out what it means to be a 'salt' and 'light' for Kingdom of God. Me, smallest and least in the Kingdom of God if there ever be one, loved by the Creator God for being me. How can a Big God love me? And, how can God love this world so much that He would send His One and Only Son, Jesus? Why did Jesus make a huge sacrifice and give us gift of grace? How come Holy Spirit lives within us when we accept Jesus in our lives? There are so many questions and I am forever a student desiring to know Him better. I was very impressed to learn that there is 14,000 uses for salt and light is basis of everything. How could I ever be the 'salt' and 'light' in this world? I am not sure. This year God put a challenge within me to love my neighbor as myself and to love someone even if that person does not love me back or love someone who least expect it. Progress of this challenge, let's just say, I am struggling and trying to figure out what loving my neighbor looks like. Jesus made it look easy to love people; however, I think that it was lot harder than I imagine for Jesus. I mean, Jesus loved all kinds of people even people who did not love Him back. Jesus loved, loves and will love people and He does not care who that person is or was or will be. Agape, unconditional love. I think as humans, it's not very possible unless that person has Jesus in his or her life. Whether we like it or not, there's always some kind of condition to being loved or giving love. For instance, parents expect their children to do well in school and grow up to be something worthy to the society. Friends expect trust, honesty, love, loyalty and other qualities depending on that friend. There's condition that's visible and invisible. However, God's love, it's unconditional. Amazing Grace! Amazing Love! What I cannot do by myself, God can. God can use me to love people when least expected. God can encourage someone by giving me the words or listening ears for that person. God can. What is impossible with me, it's possible with God. Being 'salt and light', I am not sure I can be just that but with God, I can be just that. I am excited about what God will do through and in my life. I am so excited about what God will do through and in the lives of my brothers and sisters in Christ. I am super excited about what God will do in the present and in the future. I am thankful for the followers of Christ before me who lived their lives to be the 'salt and light' in this dark world. I desire to be more like Christ and walk with Him wherever He leads me. I want to be His 'salt and light' in this world. I am little and small but I have a great and big God who can do more than I can imagine with my life. Thank you LORD for who you are and what you have done, is doing and will do. May Christ radiate in your life and lavish His love upon you! Thanks for reading!