Learning to Trust

Lately, I been learning a lot about trusting in God's timing and following Him wherever He leads me in my life. Year ago, I would have just went ahead and took action because I was impatient but now, I feel that God's timing is the best timing. I could have went ahead and took the temporary job that was offered to me but I know that God is going to open a door (or a window :) ) some time when I least expect it and maybe it's not right now, but I know He knows me by name and knows my heart. Waiting on the Lord and trusting Him in all that I do. In little things. In big things. All of me I put it in His hand (the best way to be). May God pour His love on you and may you experience His love today! Thanks for reading!

Loading Up on Vitamin C

I am not sure what's going on with me physically but I am not feeling very well today and decided to take the day off from work to rest. I think part of it is due to being stress and just letting whatever stress that I had go. So, yes, I am in-taking whatever Vitamin C I can take hold of and hoping I don't get really sick since if I get sick, I am in big trouble. Anywho, I got a phone call from the hiring manager that offered me the job and the offer I did not accept. I guess the hiring manager was wanting to know the reason why I declined and I am not sure but I had the words to tell her (which rarely happens with me). I think God gave me the words to say and I ended the phone call with the hiring manager in good terms. One struggle I am facing is self-doubting myself even though I have peace about declining the job. I am human and I tend to beat myself up a lot of times when it's not necessary. So, I am praying that I will stop doubting myself and go forward. When God closes a door, He opens another door or maybe a window (alternative to a door...nothing wrong with that. :) ) My hope is in the Lord and I believe that God created me for a reason I am still trying to figure out. Whatever I do, I hope that God will be glorified and His love shine through me. May God bless your day abundantly and may He put joy in your heart that only He can put in your heart! Thanks for reading! 

Hard Decision

I was thinking lately that I don't like this grown-up business of making decisions especially one concerning money and working. I rather depend on someone else to make my decisions - God. However, God gave us the mind and intellect to make our own decisions plus freewill somehow all mixed in there. So, I been really struggling about what to do about a job offer and prayed to God for an direction and guidance. Ever since I was offered the job though, I had this heavy sense of unrest and burden to decline the offer. It would been very practical and easy if I took the job right away; however, I asked for few days extension and had much time to pray and think about what I should do with the job offer. I was hoping God would give me clarity right away and some random person would tell me that I should or should not take the job. Well, how wrong I was, there was no such person and there was no strong clarity. So, over the weekend, I just sought out the Lord and prayed over the decision I was going to make on my own. I was hoping my parents would help with the decision making but they just told me to seek the Lord and whatever my decision, they were happy either way. Pressure, yes. Knowing that if I took the job, it would be temporary once again but it was a security and safe to have a job awaiting for me when I was done with my consultant jobs. Sigh. Well, after much prayer and talking with various people, I have decided to decline the job offer and pray that God will bring other job interviews/offers. I been applying for other jobs but have not heard back except the one I interviewed and was offered the job. I was hoping I had more options before making the decision but that did not happen. So, here's me taking a risk and putting myself out again for an employment unknown. Maybe, I will have a permanent job before my consultant positions that is ending end of May or maybe I will be unemployed. Whatever the case, my hope and trust is in the Lord who gives and takes away. I pray that God be gracious and pour His love over you! Thanks for reading!

Retreat

This weekend, I had the great opportunity to attend Alpha Get-Away retreat as a small group leader. Last time I went on this retreat, I was the guest but being there as leader, I felt I got a lot of it as the last time. I think I needed this retreat to just get away from the city and all the worries that was looming around me. Right now, I have to make a decision that will impact my life. Every decision will affect some aspect of my life but this one I think will be ranked up in the top. I enjoyed the fellowship with my small group and rest of the Alpha guests and leaders. I feel exhausted though coming back even though we didn't stay up very late as compared to other retreats I been on. It was good to be away from the familiar surroundings and be in a new place. As the deadline for my decision draws near (very soon), I pray that I won't take the easy way but one that will glorify Christ and be on the narrow road. I pray that you will find peace in Christ and have a beautiful day! 

Heart to Heart Talk

So yesterday, I had an amazing conversation with my friend who not just encouraged me about my passion but also challenged me about looking at my life in different perspective. I love having deep conversations and look outside my comfortable box. After talking with her, I had lot to think about and realized that God has great things in store for my passion. God gives the passion and directs the path. What an Awesome God we serve! May God bless your day and love shine upon you!

Passion vs. Practicality

I am in a crossroad in my life. At one hand, I am passionate about human rights issue in North Korea but on the other hand, I obtained a graduate degree in speciality in counseling dealing with employment and people with disability. One is a passion and the other is practical that is I seek out a job that will allow me to use my degree. I mean I received a grant to complete the degree and way to payback for the grant is by paying back by working in the field for time I spent in my graduate program. I think going into the graduate program, I really was passionate about serving the population with disability and counseling vocational issues; however, after I have completed the program, I have this bad taste in my mouth from the graduate program. I enjoyed meeting my colleagues and learning about the speciality but what made me less passionate was just the situations I had to go through to get the degree and graduate from the program. I confess if I had to do it over again, I would not attend that graduate program and would have chosen to pursue another study of concentration. I know now that when the passion comes out of enthusiasm then it's not really a passion. God did not put the passion in my heart to serve the people with disability dealing with employment issues. I was the one who thought I was passionate about the matter not listening to what God was saying in my heart. God did however put a passion in my heart about human rights issue in North Korea. I think for a long time God has been tugging at my heart about North Korea and how He cares about the people in North Korea. As I have learned more about the human rights issue in North Korea, I get so angry and so sad that there is such an inhumane condition going on over there. I have been reading books and attending events; however I want to do more than that. I don't know how that looks and how I am going to do it but I know that God will provide a way. I think God is still preparing my heart and even though I am not working in a job that I am passionate about. Through each experience, I know that I am getting closer to God's will. So, I am debating what to do. To follow my passion or be more practical and get a job that I may or may not enjoy. It's easier said then done. Right now, all I can do is give it to God and pray for His guidance and wisdom. In few days, I will know but for now I put my trust and hope in the Lord who is faithful and all-knowing. He knows the plan for my life and He will direct my path. I pray I don't pick the easy road and I pray I seek His face daily. I pray that God will show you love and grace today. Thanks for reading!

Healing Process

Scars. I'm going to be honest. I have lots of them. Burn scars. Relationship scars. Situational scars. Yeah, it's tough having scars but by the grace of God, some of my scars are healed or in the process of healing. My burn scars probably is the most visual and I see my scars as not ugly but God's reminder of His great love for me. I would not be living right now if it wasn't God's purpose for me to live. Most people do not know this about me but I had various moments when I should not be living; however, God has a plan for my life and I am alive. Out of 14 kids, I was one of the seven who lived. God prevented my aunt from taking her life and my life (by the way, I was blinded for a short period of my life due to reconstructive eye surgery) and God is using my aunt for His glory. With each surgery, I had high chance of not living but I came out of the surgery alright. So yes, I am very grateful to God who has allowed me to live and follow hard after Him. I cannot imagine my life without Christ and I would not be the person I am now. For me, I think one of the hardest scars is relationship. Today, pastor Heather delivered a message on relationship scars and it was a hard one to hear. Challenging yet just what I needed to hear. Ever since I got burned, people of all ages either mocked, teased or stared at me for my appearance. Friends who I thought were my friends betrayed me and I was hurt by these relationships. However, through Christ, I have come to forgive and live in love. Don't get me wrong, there are times I have much difficulty in loving someone who does not love me back or hurt me profoundly. God is continuously working on my heart and He gives me the love when I do not have love to give to someone who is difficult to love. Going to Ethiopia, God taught me about loving my neighbor as myself in many situations. Loving the beggars, loving the orphans, loving those who do not look or talk like my friends or me. I am human and I have times when I just do not want to love my neighbors; however, Christ commanded His followers to love our neighbors as ourselves. There are days when I just want to give up on loving people because just like everyone, I want to be loved back but God has been putting on my heart to love people even though I may not get the love back in return. Sigh. Tough challenge. In my present circumstance, I have relationships/friendships that I just want to give up on and not give of myself so much. However, God whispers in my heart that I should not give up and that He will give me the strength to love. Watching the video and hearing pastor Chris' story, I was very much moved and his story inspired me a lot. God can turn a hardened heart into something so beautiful! I am just amazed and awe at God who loves us so much He would be one of us and experience what it's like to be a human. What a God we have! Even though I am weak, He is so strong and I put my trust in Him. God is healing my scars and it's not easy, least to say. I still have moments when I want to be healed immediately; however, I believe God is revealing His power with longer time to heal for a reason I may not know right now but maybe I will know later. Even though I may not be beautiful outward, I strive to be beautiful inward and want to be beautiful for my Lord. One day, I will come before Christ and He will completely heal me of all the scars. What a day it will be! I pray that you will experience God's love each day! Thanks for reading!