Feeling Small

I realized that I live in a city where there's a lot of well-known big time names and my name does not come close to any one of them. As I am applying to various permanent jobs, I look at the job titles and I hesitate to apply to them because A) I fear that I do not have much experience or qualification for the job and B) I just underestimate myself in my God-given abilities. If someone asks me my role in the Kingdom of God, I would respond by saying that I am part of His family and I am the smallest of all of my brothers and sisters in Christ. I try my best to love people but I fail at that by myself but somehow Jesus gives me the love I need to love my neighbors as myself. I am not particularly sure what my role in life but I know that I am good at encouraging people or I hope I do a good job at the gift God has given me. I know that I am not good with words but when encouraging someone, God gives me the words either from the Word or words He puts on my heart. I recently read an article in The Review of Faith & International Affairs (one of my favorite journals ever!) entitled From Bible Bombardment to Incarnational Evangelism: A Reflection on Christian Witness and Persecution by Robert Seiple. I thought the article made an good point about evangelism should focus on the Kingdom of God rather than having the message of "it's all about me". I strongly believe in mission and spreading the good news of God's love to all people but I think that some zealous people out of duty or some other reason, go into the mission field with the "it's all about me" ideas or scare people when there's really no reason to do that other than maybe grabbing the attention of the people who may just need a reality check. I love missions and going on mission trips. I believe that if God is willing, I would like to spread God's love to people in North Korea; however, I feel that God may be saying that I am not ready to go into North Korea yet and I need to be more prepared for what's to come in North Korea if that's where God is calling me to be His messenger of hope, love and joy. I think I have a tendency to jump into something before waiting for God's lead. I do this also with relationships with people as well. I think with friendship, I tend to give more into it rather than waiting to receive from the other person. I know this is my weakness, waiting on the Lord and waiting for development of relationship. I am an impatient person and I am learning to be more patient. It's so hard though! Anywho, to be honest, I think I am impatient because I feel like it's my responsibility to go for it rather than waiting for some kind of response. I realize that I just need to step back, breath and wait. So, why do I feel small because I know that I have a big God who loves me for who I am and believes in me when sometimes I don't trust myself. Knowing that He loves me just overwhelms me and my life is turned upside down. Do you feel that way too or is that just me? Thanks for reading and may God pour His love into your life today!