Loving God, Loving Others

What does it mean to truly love my neighbors as myself? How can I be the person that Jesus would be proud of being His follower? What does love look like? How can God love us when we are so undeserving? There is so much questions I been thinking about. These are just few questions I have been reflecting upon. I have yet to completely answer the questions I been thinking about but one day I hope my questions will be answered completely. So, I am returning to help out with Alpha in leadership team capacity and I thought last semester was my last one; however, I felt that I needed to be part of Alpha again this semester. I hope that I can walk along side each individual in my group whoever they may be. I pray that God will break my heart for what break His heart and open my eyes to being aware of what He is doing in and through Alpha. Alpha is 10-week course that outlines basics of Christianity. I started out in Alpha as a guest and since then, I been involved almost every semester. I am not great with words and I get nervous speaking within a group setting but being in Alpha has helped me break out of my comfort zone. Although I have been a leader of Alpha small group for two semesters, going into it a third time, I am still feeling nervous. Each group is unique and each person in it brings something different to the group discussions. I have insecurities and one of them being speaking to people. I fear that I will say the wrong things or something stupid and sometimes I just end up being silent within a group setting. I need to break out of my insecurities and just trust God for the words I will speak within my group. I am not sure why God has led me back to being in Alpha; however, I trust Him completely that He has me there for a reason whether that be encouraging someone further in their walk with Christ or plant a seed in some one's life. Whatever it may be, I am excited and scared at both times. I pray that Alpha will bring individuals to knowing Jesus and he or she may embrace the perfect relationship that is in Jesus. Human relationships are messy and difficult; however, relationship with the Heavenly Father is perfect and He demonstrates the perfect love. I do not understand what love truly means but as I walk deeply with Christ, I hope one day I will come to comprehend what true love is. I pray that I will embrace that true love that is in Jesus and that love will overflow to loving people. I am ashamed to say that there are days I do not love my neighbor as myself and I seek out Jesus that He will love through me. He can do more and be greater if I become less. I want Christ to be my center and He may be glorified in every aspect of my life. I struggle and I fall when I try to live on my own but with Jesus, my life has meaning beyond what I have imagined. I look to Him and raise my hands that I need Him daily. I surrender.

New Name

This morning I read first few chapters in the Book of Revelation since I am following the reading plan for From Garden to City (www.fromgardentocity.com) and one thing that really stuck out was about getting new names mentioned in the passage. I love names and meaning of names. I love to assign nicknames and love getting nicknames from my family and friends. Whenever I hear my name being called, I love it. I love that I am being acknowledged by someone. I wonder if God loves it whenever I say His name in my prayers? I wonder if God can't wait to hear His children call on Him? For me, I can't wait for the day when God gives me a new name that I will only know when He calls me. Some people hate their names but for me I love my name. My name is special to me because my paternal grandfather named me and although my brother also has the same first name, we have different middle names and that makes it unique. My name may be old-fashioned and simple but for me, I regard my name with pride. My first and middle name means pure and mild precious stone. What does that look like? For me, it means that I try to live my life with pure mild heart and like a precious stone, I try to live my life as a treasure that was bestowed onto me. I strive to uphold my name and carry the legacy that my ancestors passed on to me. Christ in me and may His life radiate in every aspect in me. This is just what I was thinking about at this moment. Thanks for reading & may Jesus overwhelm you with His love!

Thoughts

I dislike being this way but sometimes I care way too much about something that's not worth my time to care about. I am disappointed at something that happened and really, it's not something I should feel offended about. I should not care about what men do but I should truly care about what God does in my life. I think I take what people do so seriously that I take it too personal. I wonder who my true friends are and who I can trust. Although I was with my family not too long ago, I am longing to be with my family who truly accept me for who I am. I so desire for the God's unconditional love and hunger for what is true. I thirst for what is right. My spirit is low but I am seeking the LORD to fill it up. I don't know where to turn other than to Jesus. I do not want to feel this way toward my brothers and sisters in Christ. Who are my friends? What does it mean to love my neighbor as myself? Thoughts that are running through my mind.