Quarter-Life Crisis???

"Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD!"Psalm 27:14

Since I had my birthday not too long ago (a week to be exact), I have been questioning myself on what I am doing with my life and how is my life advancing the Kingdom of God. It's been quite a struggle, least to say. I feel like there's more to life than being in the office and attending events that related to my passion. I want to get out and do something about my passion. I don't want to be mediocre and be safe. I want to be extraordinary and be in adventures. I hear about what other people are doing with their lives and I am amazed by what they are doing with their lives. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy living my life but I feel restless and antsy about being too comfortable. For most people, having routine and schedule are normal; however, for me, I like being thrown off my routine and schedule once in a while to keep me on my feet. I am realizing that more I read about what is going around the world and around the nation, more I am repulsed by what the world says to do. Success is measured in monetary term or the status in society as viewed by the world. As for me, I don't want to be successful by the worldly standards, rather, I want God to say "Min, you are my good and faithful servant" who lived my life for Him. My life motto is to love God and love people. By the way, loving people is hard especially when there are times when people refuse my love or hurt me in one form or another and also I have hard time loving someone who may annoy or make me upset from words or actions. Jesus said to love God with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength and second to love my neighbors as myself. Who are my neighbors? I ask myself that a lot lately and Jesus went further and said to love my enemies. Now, it's getting more difficult. I don't mind loving my sisters and brothers in Christ and I don't mind loving my friends and family; but, to love my enemies. Wait a minute, I don't know, it's not what the world says to do. The world and the society tells me to get revenge and it's okay to dislike someone. However, that's not what Jesus told us, He said to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. I think about all the brothers and sisters in Christ who live in various parts of the world and the persecution they receive because they are followers of Christ. I look at my life and see how it's pretty easy to be a Christian here in United States. By no means, being follower of Christ is not easy to say the least. More I strive to live by following Christ, the more difficulty I run into in my life. The world says to have financial security and high positions in your career field. As a young child and even now as young adult, I was not obsessed with obtaining the 'American Dream'. I want to get married someday and have a family; however, if being single is what God wants me to be right now, I am okay with that. I want to have job security; however, if that is not in God's will, then I am okay with that too. God is teaching me lesson in waiting and being patient with my life. He is teaching me to be content with whatever situation I am in right now whether that be in work or social life or church. As someone who is recovering people-pleaser and impatient person, the lessons I am learning are hard to apply in my life and I constantly struggle with what I am learning from God. I am thankful that even though I struggle, He picks me up daily and whispers to me to never give up. Constant reminder I get my heart is that I am daughter of most High King and I need to act like it. Even though I may not be beautiful outwardly, I want to be beautiful inwardly and be beautiful for my God who loves me even with all my flaws. Jesus didn't died on the cross because He wanted to to die. Jesus died on the cross to reconcile us to God and showed the greatest act of love that ever was in this world. I am in awe of the Grace and Mercy He demonstrates to us daily. Unfailing Love without strings attached. Unconditional Love that we can't comprehend. What a Amazing God we have! Amazing Grace! Thanks for reading and may love of God overwhelm you today!

Thankful :)

On the eve of my birthday, I am so thankful to God for all He has done in my 25 year life. I would not be the person I am right now if it hasn't been for God. I am also thankful to my parents who loved me and disciplined  me to follow Christ by their own life examples. I am thankful to my little brother who challenged and encouraged me in brotherly way. I am thankful that I have the great honor of being a follower of Christ and living for Him. I am thankful for being filled with the Holy Spirit and that my life is not my own. I am thankful for my brothers and sisters in Christ who push, inspire and love me even with my faults. I am thankful for my friends who have been with me through the tough times and good times. I am thankful that I am alive and I am thankful beyond measures. I am thankful to my Creator that He created me and allowed me to dream big and not to give up when life throws all kinds of situations. God is so good, all the time! So far so God. I pray that I will live only for Him and I will fix my eyes on Him. May Christ fill your heart with overwhelming love and may you be blessed abundantly from the Creator! 

Stressed or Worried or Both?

To be honest, I am stressed about all that is going on in my life especially trying to figure out what God wants me to do with my life. I think people notice when I am stressed even though I try to mask it as much as possible. One of my sister in Christ asked me how I was doing and that I looked stressed. I admitted I was stressed but also tried to detract from this and said it will be okay. Then, she didn't let me off the hook and told me that I should not worry. She got to the heart of the matter...I was stressed because I am worried about the outcome of the job interview I had last week and I am worried about losing friendships. Lately, I feel drained and exhausted from doing so much; yet, I want to do all of them because I want to be spend quality time with my friends. I think the best way to know someone is spending time with the person and I try to do just that but it's so hard with every one's schedule and also I have my role in being busy as well. I get so consumed by what I am doing at the moment that sometimes, I forget the reason behind what I am doing. Today at work, I got to talk with a co-worker that I usually don't talk to very much. Listening to her stories, I was honored to hear what all she had to say and I listened more than I talked because I felt like there was so much I could learn from her. I think hearing my co-worker tell her stories was the best part of my working today. Here I am stressed and worrying about a job and here is my co-worker who tells me that she lived through being hungry and poor when she was younger. I am so focused on the little things in life that I forget that this life is not about the little things but what God has in stored for my life. So, I came into Alpha pretty stressed and top it off with trying to set up for the dinner; however, I realized that I do not need to worry as my sister in Christ has told me tonight. One final thing before I end this blog, my co-leader for the small group for Alpha, has blessed me so much with her encouraging act of inviting a customer at the church coffeehouse to Alpha. Due to being stressed, I didn't want to deal with the customer coming down to the basement where Alpha occurs and my co-leader started talking to the customer. And the customer not only watched the video but participated in the discussion afterward. How awesome is our God! I am amazed and awe of Him who can do all thing, even the ones that is humanly impossible becomes possible. I mean, look at me, when I was burned and the doctors thought I was going to die, God took me out of the coma and gave me life. I am living proof of what Christ has done through me and I am so grateful for all that He has done in my life. So far so God. Without Him, I would not be here in DC and I want to live for Him with all of my being.  Everything I once held dear seems meaningless if Christ is not in it. Thank you for reading and may Christ dwell in your heart abundantly! 

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." -Matthew 6:33

Am I Being Real?

After small group tonight, this question kept on popping up in my head: am I being real? Furthermore, am I being a real Christ follower or am I just doing the motions? Some days, I wonder if I am truly following Christ or acting it all out. I hope that I am living for Christ and following hard after Him; however, I feel like I fail daily. I fail in loving people when I should and I fail reaching out to someone when I should. I question my actions and wonder if I loved the way Christ would love the person I encountered or interacted that day. I don't want to be just "nice" Christian but I want to be fired-up Christian and I don't mean being on temporary spiritual highs after coming back from a retreat or camp. I want to be a follower of Christ that radiate His love and shine for Him. I want to be the light that Jesus was telling His disciples to be to the world. I don't want to be a stumbling block to my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I want to encourage, empower and edify my spiritual family. I want to just be real and authentic in whatever I do. I want to really love someone beyond myself. I want to stop being judgemental and start living like it doesn't matter who the person is because that person is son or daughter of Most High King. Sigh. I fail so many times; however, Jesus picks me up and shows me grace, mercy, compassion and patience. Loving people on my own is hard but with Christ, loving people comes natural. I want to love like it's part of my identity. I don't want to fake loving someone and I pray that people will experience true love whether word or action. I want to reflect His love because my love can only go so far. How can a big God love a little person like me? I am so small yet He still loves me for me. Words can't describe how awesome and amazing the feeling of being love by the Creator. "We love because He first loved us." (1 John 4:19). May you experience love of Christ beyond words! Thanks for reading! 

Christ has Risen!

Happy Easter! Christ has risen! O Happy Day! May God bless you with abundant life and may love of Christ overflow in your life! 

Good Friday, Great Friday or Black Friday

So, I was curious about the reason for the name behind Good Friday and decided to do some research on the website. When I typed it in, Wikipedia was the first on the list so I decided to read the article. I know what Good Friday is all about but I wasn't so sure why it was named Good Friday. I mean why is it named "Good Friday"? I still am not sure because the article was not clear on the name rather it talked about the what. And then, other names are "Great Friday" or "Black Friday". Maybe it's name this way because Jesus, who is innocent and pure, laid down His life for everyone so that we may be sons and daughters of Most High King if we believe in Him that is. Or maybe, the day is good because Jesus turned a horrible act into something beautiful. I don't know why it's called "Good Friday, Great Friday or Black Friday" but I know the meaning behind the day but wish I knew who came up with the name. Maybe, I'll just have to ask Jesus when I go to heaven about the naming system. Anywho, I am so thankful for today and what Jesus did on the cross. I am looking forward to Easter and celebrating the resurrection! Have a wonderful "Good Friday"!

What is My Purpose?

So, lately, I been thinking about my purpose in life and what God is calling me to do in the phase of my life right now. On Tuesdays, I go to this amazing, thought-provoking small group called Look Closer and I love how we dissect the movies we watch prior to meeting together to discuss how the movie can be relevant in our Christian life. So tonight, the movie was Jarhead and we had a conversation about the movie. So premise of this movie is how this main character is a Marine who trains to be a sniper during the Desert Storm War in Iraq and theme that resonates in the movie is characters attempt to find his purpose in life. So before I go deeper into my thoughts, I have to be honest, I don't like violence especially when there's fighting and death involved. For most part, I was able to watch the movie without closing my eyes too many times so I was able to comprehend the movie more than looking away. So purpose in life, the main character joins the Marine because he is searching for his identity and his meaning in life or this is what I gathered from the movie and also from the discussion in the small group. I feel I can relate to the main character of Jarhead, Tony, somewhat because right now I have no clue what my purpose in life looks like or what I should be doing with my life. I know God has rekindled a passion in my heart but I don't know what I should do with my passion and how to use my passion in my life. On top of this, I am struggling internally about loving my "neighbors". Don't get me wrong, I love my family, friends and people I meet daily; however, there are times when I don't have the love in my heart toward certain people who may irritate or anger me. I don't get angry easily toward people because I am a recovering people pleaser and also if I get upset, I usually bottle them up. I am learning that when someone does make me upset, it's better to deal with that right away rather than storing that inside me, same goes with anger. Jesus knew that it was unhealthy and harmful for people to keep in the anger and He commanded us to reconcile with people before coming to the alter of the Lord. I love the concept of being reconciled with people and especially with God. Here I am, a human being who make mistake and bring grief to God; however, Jesus came to reconcile us with God. How amazing is that! I am so grateful to know that I am a daughter of the Most High King and be part of serving to advance the kingdom of God. I may not know what my purpose in life but I know I serve a Great God who put me on this earth for a reason I don't know right now or maybe find out when I go to heaven. One thing I know, I want to be where God is and if that means He wants me to stay here in DC or go overseas, I will do so wherever He leads me. I pray that God will bless you and keep you. Thanks for reading! 

Loving my "Neighbors"

I love Sundays. I love going to church and being with my community (brothers and sisters in Christ). Even though I went to the worship service yesterday, I went to church this morning to teach little kids (4-5 year old) and then wait to meet up with small group that meets for lunch after church. So, after lunch, I strolled (walked) toward the Tidal Basin to check out the Cherry Blossoms since I lived around DC area for 2 and coming to 3 years this fall. Confession time, I don't like large crowds of people and I especially don't like when people block my way when I am trying to walk somewhere. I am clausophobic to a point and I need some space between people. I just don't like to be so close that people bump into me or touch me accidentally. So, I did make it to the Tidal Basin and saw the Cherry Blossoms. There was lots of people and I felt stressed getting out of the crowd. Instead of enjoying the Cherry Blossoms, I felt like I needed to just get away from the large crowd. I don't think I will be going anywhere near Tidal Basin until the Cherry Blossoms are no more.  I think this is dork coming out of me but I had this thought in my head...I went (to the Tidal Basin), I saw (the Cherry Blossoms), I am done (with being anywhere near Tidal Basin). After the Cherry Blossoms sighting, I sat on a bench around the National Mall and had time to read/ponder about who is my "neighbors"? Lately, I been agitated and easily irritated by people I encounter or interact in my everyday life. From my friends to the homeless people on the street to co-workers, I have to honest, some days I just want to respond in a way that I don't think is anywhere close to following the "love your neighbor" or "love your enemies"command by Jesus. Maybe I don't show it or maybe I do but I am striving my best to love the best that I know how but I fail miserably each day and I need prayers that I will love not out of myself but Christ will radiate His love through me. Why is it so hard to love my "neighbors" and especially my "enemies"? I am struggling with loving people like Jesus did and I just want to give up on this whole concept but I remember that my "neighbors" are not just my friends or the next door person but it's also my brothers and sisters in Christ, homeless people, roommates and people I encounter each day. I realize that I can't pick and choose who I love and there is no favoritism in Christ. Who did I loved yesterday? Who am I loving today? Who will I love tomorrow? I hope I say that I loved, love and will love people that Jesus loved, love and will love each and everyday. May love of God overwhelm you today and forever. Thanks for reading! 

Feeling Small

I realized that I live in a city where there's a lot of well-known big time names and my name does not come close to any one of them. As I am applying to various permanent jobs, I look at the job titles and I hesitate to apply to them because A) I fear that I do not have much experience or qualification for the job and B) I just underestimate myself in my God-given abilities. If someone asks me my role in the Kingdom of God, I would respond by saying that I am part of His family and I am the smallest of all of my brothers and sisters in Christ. I try my best to love people but I fail at that by myself but somehow Jesus gives me the love I need to love my neighbors as myself. I am not particularly sure what my role in life but I know that I am good at encouraging people or I hope I do a good job at the gift God has given me. I know that I am not good with words but when encouraging someone, God gives me the words either from the Word or words He puts on my heart. I recently read an article in The Review of Faith & International Affairs (one of my favorite journals ever!) entitled From Bible Bombardment to Incarnational Evangelism: A Reflection on Christian Witness and Persecution by Robert Seiple. I thought the article made an good point about evangelism should focus on the Kingdom of God rather than having the message of "it's all about me". I strongly believe in mission and spreading the good news of God's love to all people but I think that some zealous people out of duty or some other reason, go into the mission field with the "it's all about me" ideas or scare people when there's really no reason to do that other than maybe grabbing the attention of the people who may just need a reality check. I love missions and going on mission trips. I believe that if God is willing, I would like to spread God's love to people in North Korea; however, I feel that God may be saying that I am not ready to go into North Korea yet and I need to be more prepared for what's to come in North Korea if that's where God is calling me to be His messenger of hope, love and joy. I think I have a tendency to jump into something before waiting for God's lead. I do this also with relationships with people as well. I think with friendship, I tend to give more into it rather than waiting to receive from the other person. I know this is my weakness, waiting on the Lord and waiting for development of relationship. I am an impatient person and I am learning to be more patient. It's so hard though! Anywho, to be honest, I think I am impatient because I feel like it's my responsibility to go for it rather than waiting for some kind of response. I realize that I just need to step back, breath and wait. So, why do I feel small because I know that I have a big God who loves me for who I am and believes in me when sometimes I don't trust myself. Knowing that He loves me just overwhelms me and my life is turned upside down. Do you feel that way too or is that just me? Thanks for reading and may God pour His love into your life today!

Learning to Trust

Lately, I been learning a lot about trusting in God's timing and following Him wherever He leads me in my life. Year ago, I would have just went ahead and took action because I was impatient but now, I feel that God's timing is the best timing. I could have went ahead and took the temporary job that was offered to me but I know that God is going to open a door (or a window :) ) some time when I least expect it and maybe it's not right now, but I know He knows me by name and knows my heart. Waiting on the Lord and trusting Him in all that I do. In little things. In big things. All of me I put it in His hand (the best way to be). May God pour His love on you and may you experience His love today! Thanks for reading!