Loading Up on Vitamin C

I am not sure what's going on with me physically but I am not feeling very well today and decided to take the day off from work to rest. I think part of it is due to being stress and just letting whatever stress that I had go. So, yes, I am in-taking whatever Vitamin C I can take hold of and hoping I don't get really sick since if I get sick, I am in big trouble. Anywho, I got a phone call from the hiring manager that offered me the job and the offer I did not accept. I guess the hiring manager was wanting to know the reason why I declined and I am not sure but I had the words to tell her (which rarely happens with me). I think God gave me the words to say and I ended the phone call with the hiring manager in good terms. One struggle I am facing is self-doubting myself even though I have peace about declining the job. I am human and I tend to beat myself up a lot of times when it's not necessary. So, I am praying that I will stop doubting myself and go forward. When God closes a door, He opens another door or maybe a window (alternative to a door...nothing wrong with that. :) ) My hope is in the Lord and I believe that God created me for a reason I am still trying to figure out. Whatever I do, I hope that God will be glorified and His love shine through me. May God bless your day abundantly and may He put joy in your heart that only He can put in your heart! Thanks for reading! 

Hard Decision

I was thinking lately that I don't like this grown-up business of making decisions especially one concerning money and working. I rather depend on someone else to make my decisions - God. However, God gave us the mind and intellect to make our own decisions plus freewill somehow all mixed in there. So, I been really struggling about what to do about a job offer and prayed to God for an direction and guidance. Ever since I was offered the job though, I had this heavy sense of unrest and burden to decline the offer. It would been very practical and easy if I took the job right away; however, I asked for few days extension and had much time to pray and think about what I should do with the job offer. I was hoping God would give me clarity right away and some random person would tell me that I should or should not take the job. Well, how wrong I was, there was no such person and there was no strong clarity. So, over the weekend, I just sought out the Lord and prayed over the decision I was going to make on my own. I was hoping my parents would help with the decision making but they just told me to seek the Lord and whatever my decision, they were happy either way. Pressure, yes. Knowing that if I took the job, it would be temporary once again but it was a security and safe to have a job awaiting for me when I was done with my consultant jobs. Sigh. Well, after much prayer and talking with various people, I have decided to decline the job offer and pray that God will bring other job interviews/offers. I been applying for other jobs but have not heard back except the one I interviewed and was offered the job. I was hoping I had more options before making the decision but that did not happen. So, here's me taking a risk and putting myself out again for an employment unknown. Maybe, I will have a permanent job before my consultant positions that is ending end of May or maybe I will be unemployed. Whatever the case, my hope and trust is in the Lord who gives and takes away. I pray that God be gracious and pour His love over you! Thanks for reading!

Retreat

This weekend, I had the great opportunity to attend Alpha Get-Away retreat as a small group leader. Last time I went on this retreat, I was the guest but being there as leader, I felt I got a lot of it as the last time. I think I needed this retreat to just get away from the city and all the worries that was looming around me. Right now, I have to make a decision that will impact my life. Every decision will affect some aspect of my life but this one I think will be ranked up in the top. I enjoyed the fellowship with my small group and rest of the Alpha guests and leaders. I feel exhausted though coming back even though we didn't stay up very late as compared to other retreats I been on. It was good to be away from the familiar surroundings and be in a new place. As the deadline for my decision draws near (very soon), I pray that I won't take the easy way but one that will glorify Christ and be on the narrow road. I pray that you will find peace in Christ and have a beautiful day! 

Heart to Heart Talk

So yesterday, I had an amazing conversation with my friend who not just encouraged me about my passion but also challenged me about looking at my life in different perspective. I love having deep conversations and look outside my comfortable box. After talking with her, I had lot to think about and realized that God has great things in store for my passion. God gives the passion and directs the path. What an Awesome God we serve! May God bless your day and love shine upon you!

Passion vs. Practicality

I am in a crossroad in my life. At one hand, I am passionate about human rights issue in North Korea but on the other hand, I obtained a graduate degree in speciality in counseling dealing with employment and people with disability. One is a passion and the other is practical that is I seek out a job that will allow me to use my degree. I mean I received a grant to complete the degree and way to payback for the grant is by paying back by working in the field for time I spent in my graduate program. I think going into the graduate program, I really was passionate about serving the population with disability and counseling vocational issues; however, after I have completed the program, I have this bad taste in my mouth from the graduate program. I enjoyed meeting my colleagues and learning about the speciality but what made me less passionate was just the situations I had to go through to get the degree and graduate from the program. I confess if I had to do it over again, I would not attend that graduate program and would have chosen to pursue another study of concentration. I know now that when the passion comes out of enthusiasm then it's not really a passion. God did not put the passion in my heart to serve the people with disability dealing with employment issues. I was the one who thought I was passionate about the matter not listening to what God was saying in my heart. God did however put a passion in my heart about human rights issue in North Korea. I think for a long time God has been tugging at my heart about North Korea and how He cares about the people in North Korea. As I have learned more about the human rights issue in North Korea, I get so angry and so sad that there is such an inhumane condition going on over there. I have been reading books and attending events; however I want to do more than that. I don't know how that looks and how I am going to do it but I know that God will provide a way. I think God is still preparing my heart and even though I am not working in a job that I am passionate about. Through each experience, I know that I am getting closer to God's will. So, I am debating what to do. To follow my passion or be more practical and get a job that I may or may not enjoy. It's easier said then done. Right now, all I can do is give it to God and pray for His guidance and wisdom. In few days, I will know but for now I put my trust and hope in the Lord who is faithful and all-knowing. He knows the plan for my life and He will direct my path. I pray I don't pick the easy road and I pray I seek His face daily. I pray that God will show you love and grace today. Thanks for reading!

Healing Process

Scars. I'm going to be honest. I have lots of them. Burn scars. Relationship scars. Situational scars. Yeah, it's tough having scars but by the grace of God, some of my scars are healed or in the process of healing. My burn scars probably is the most visual and I see my scars as not ugly but God's reminder of His great love for me. I would not be living right now if it wasn't God's purpose for me to live. Most people do not know this about me but I had various moments when I should not be living; however, God has a plan for my life and I am alive. Out of 14 kids, I was one of the seven who lived. God prevented my aunt from taking her life and my life (by the way, I was blinded for a short period of my life due to reconstructive eye surgery) and God is using my aunt for His glory. With each surgery, I had high chance of not living but I came out of the surgery alright. So yes, I am very grateful to God who has allowed me to live and follow hard after Him. I cannot imagine my life without Christ and I would not be the person I am now. For me, I think one of the hardest scars is relationship. Today, pastor Heather delivered a message on relationship scars and it was a hard one to hear. Challenging yet just what I needed to hear. Ever since I got burned, people of all ages either mocked, teased or stared at me for my appearance. Friends who I thought were my friends betrayed me and I was hurt by these relationships. However, through Christ, I have come to forgive and live in love. Don't get me wrong, there are times I have much difficulty in loving someone who does not love me back or hurt me profoundly. God is continuously working on my heart and He gives me the love when I do not have love to give to someone who is difficult to love. Going to Ethiopia, God taught me about loving my neighbor as myself in many situations. Loving the beggars, loving the orphans, loving those who do not look or talk like my friends or me. I am human and I have times when I just do not want to love my neighbors; however, Christ commanded His followers to love our neighbors as ourselves. There are days when I just want to give up on loving people because just like everyone, I want to be loved back but God has been putting on my heart to love people even though I may not get the love back in return. Sigh. Tough challenge. In my present circumstance, I have relationships/friendships that I just want to give up on and not give of myself so much. However, God whispers in my heart that I should not give up and that He will give me the strength to love. Watching the video and hearing pastor Chris' story, I was very much moved and his story inspired me a lot. God can turn a hardened heart into something so beautiful! I am just amazed and awe at God who loves us so much He would be one of us and experience what it's like to be a human. What a God we have! Even though I am weak, He is so strong and I put my trust in Him. God is healing my scars and it's not easy, least to say. I still have moments when I want to be healed immediately; however, I believe God is revealing His power with longer time to heal for a reason I may not know right now but maybe I will know later. Even though I may not be beautiful outward, I strive to be beautiful inward and want to be beautiful for my Lord. One day, I will come before Christ and He will completely heal me of all the scars. What a day it will be! I pray that you will experience God's love each day! Thanks for reading! 

Ethiopia and Back...

Wow, can't believe I spent 9 amazing days in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia with team of 20 great people from NCC! I am very grateful for an opportunity to go and experience little part of Ethiopia in Addis Ababa. It seems like I just left for Ethiopia two Fridays ago and time flew by. God has definitely broken my heart while I was in Addis Ababa and I believe He is continuing to teach me what I learned in Ethiopia. One of the values for NCC is expect the unexpected and there were lot that I did not expect out of the trip. For instance, I am a workhorse and I give 120% or more to what I do but God convicted me that I need to be okay with not having plans and that plans change. God does not expect me to give so much of myself that I eventually break down. I believe that what I think is best may hinder my walk with Christ if I do it with the wrong attitude, wrong intention and/or wrong execution. There was time in the trip when I finally broke down (Monday evening to be exact) and I had to give what was upsetting me all to God. With prayer and talking with a friend on the trip, I came to realization that I just have to go by the flow. Rest of the week was challenging but great. God gave me such peace about everything that was going on in the week that I did not care I was going out of my comfort zone for rest of the week. Every experience I had on the trip I will treasure and remember but here's some of my highlights of the week:

*Visiting home of family who lives on Entoto mountain and drinking delicious Ethiopian coffee(roasted, ground and specially brewed in coffee pot over fire) and eating delicious food.
*Teaching/tutoring ESL
*Co-leading Self-Help group with two fantastic group members
*Designing jewelry and getting it approved to be sold
*Volunteering at a feeding center
*Eating dinner with street kids
*Seeing baptism

There's so much that occurred while we were there and I feel overwhelmed by what I experienced. I need to process what I experience more and I will try to blog more about it as I try to understand what I experienced in Ethiopia. Thank you for all the prayers and may God pour His love over you!

Encouragment

I'll be honest. Lately, I just been facing a lot of discouragements and disappointments. It's just not from people bring me down but it's also from myself. Remember, I am a recovering people-pleaser (maybe still am) and when I don't meet the expectation of giving the best to my work or to people, I just get discouraged knowing that I failed even though usually I am just underestimating myself and this usually leads to self-disappointment. However, I am learning that it's not about what I can do but what God can do through and in me. Denying the self from being the center of attention and putting Christ the focus of my life. While I have been having this season of discouragements and disappointment, God has been so faithful in refilling me with encouragement through His Word and His people. Just the other day, this man showed me kindness by going out of his way to do something that he didn't have to do. Or when one of my favorite friend from church in the whole world helped with cooking dinner. And then I love when I see my friends whom I have not seen for a long time! One of my favorite friend came to visit and is staying for few days in DC. I love staying up (I wish I could have stayed up longer though) and we had a great conversation that encouraged me so much! I am realizing it's the simple act of kindness and word that really encourage me. As I prepare my heart and get ready for Ethiopia, I pray that I can be encouragement for someone who need it right now in his or her life. Thanks for all your prayers and may you experience God's great love! Thanks for reading!

Getting Closer...

I can't believe in two days, the first team is flying over to Ethiopia! Time flow by and wow, what adventure it has been preparing for Ethiopia. I think after I come back from Ethiopia, I decided I am going to take a break from anything related to organizing an event of some sort that includes my birthday. I think I need to recharge and be in solitude. Don't get me wrong, I think it's important to be in fellowship with my family in Christ; however, Jesus went into solitude to refuel by praying and being with the LORD. I need that so much! To be alone with God. Not running around like a chicken without an head. Jesus said to come to Him and He will give us rest (Matthew 11:28-30). So after the trip, I think I am going to have a time when I do absolutely nothing. That's right, you can hold me accountable. I am not going to think about work or anything related to doing something. I may even take naps during my free time and actually watch TV in my living room. All seriousness, I am looking forward to going over to Ethiopia and I am so excited to see what God will do through and in us when we are in Ethiopia. So, I am also excited to be rooming with one of my favorite people when we are in Ethiopia!!!! She has challenged and encouraged me so much. I hope I will give the same encouragement to everyone in the group. Thank you for praying for me and my team (both 1st and 2nd trips). May God give you peace and bless you today! Thanks for reading! 

Thankful!

What a day! I love what the Lord is doing in my life and excited to see what He will do in my life. Today, I had the great privilege of being part of Ethiopia fundraiser event and I am so thankful to God for all that He has done thus far and will continue to do for His glory! Event was great! It was more than I expected to be and I enjoyed the event so much! I loved seeing all the people who attended the event. I am thankful for the generosity of people and their willingness to support the Ethiopia team. I love serving alongside my Ethiopia team (both 1st and 2nd team...actually we're one with two trips!) I am thankful and all the glory to God who has surpassed everything I imagined for a fundraiser event. I am just thankful and I am in awe of Him who is in control. I am thankful to all the people who are praying for me and my team to Ethiopia. Thank you! I appreciate all the prayers and as days draw near for our team to go over to Ethiopia, it is crucial that we are covered in prayer! May God bless you more than you can imagine! Thanks for reading!