Reflection of 2008

Wow, 2008 is already over and 2009 is approaching. I can't believe it's going to be 2009. As I reflect upon 2008, there's been good times and then there were hard times. God has been with me throughout and I am thankful. As I approach 2009, I want live a life that reflects Christ and love more. Happy New Year! Thanks for reading! 

Thoughts When Walking the Dog

Past two days, I walked my dog since I won't be able to when I return to DC. While walking my dog, I had lot of time to think especially about what I read in the Bible these past two days. I was reading the parable of the Sower and ponder about what kind of seed am I. I don't want to be a seed that falls on the ground and not produce. I want to be a seed that grows and produces crop. Jesus said "But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop." (Luke 8:15). So last blog, I wrote about loving my neighbor and I been thinking about that a lot. I have been re-reading what I wrote and try to really get it. I don't want to just write or talk about it but actually live out what I write in the blog. It's been a struggle for me to live out the love my neighbor and I have been praying that I may really live out what Christ instructed us to love our neighbor. Faith in Christ and not rely on myself to do something that's a struggle for me. In Luke 9:22 - 25, "Then He said to them all: 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?' " So, this one is a tough one. To deny myself and to take up my cross daily and follow Jesus. I can imagine myself, before I became a Christian, I would have objected to what Jesus is saying to us. Sometimes, I think it'll be easier to live a life that the society consider as a norm but then I realize what's the point of life if it's about me. I rather have Christ in me then have all the worldly riches. To have my focus on Jesus and think about what He has done for me. "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." (Hebrews 12:2-3) What encouragement! Gaze upon Jesus and not get discouraged when I face hardship from the world. Being at home in Houston has been a great time of reflection for me and as we enter 2009, I pray that Jesus will be our center in our lives and follow Him wherever He leads us in life. Thanks for reading! 

Love My Neighbors...

Jesus commanded us to "Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these." (Mark 12:30-31) This morning I went to two worship services. One at my parents' Korean church and the other at the English church that I grew up here in Texas. I think God was trying to infuse the message of loving my neighbor as myself for this last Sunday in 2008. Who exactly is my neighbor? I was pondering about this as I listened to the sermons. Both of the sermons was about letting go of myself and loving my neighbors. Thinking and considering others before I even have chance to pity or think highly of myself. To deny myself the opportunity to think of myself and serving others without analyzing the people I am serving. When I researched the definition of 'neighbor', the Merriam-Webster's dictionary defined the word as one living or located near another and second definition was a fellow man (or human as indicated on the free dictionary online). I think of neighbors as those living next door to me or live in the same city or state but considering people outside my proximity as my neighbor, I don't know about that one. However, as I read in the Bible, Jesus had broader definition of what my neighbors are and He says in Luke 6:27-28, "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." I think it's so much easier to love someone who loves me back but Jesus further tells us "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful." (Luke 6:32-36) Lately, I had moments when it was hard to love one of my 'neighbor' or fellow men/women. I know, Jesus told us to love even our enemies; yet, it has been a struggle for me. It's so much easier to be nice to someone who do the same and it's so much easier to be friends with someone who wants to spend time with me. However, God was trying to tell me the whole time that I need to love my neighbors, not just people I am friends with but even my enemies. It's hard to love rude customers who are mean to me because the coffee wasn't made fast enough or it's hard to love people who discourage or are mean to me just because. I strive to love on people as much as possible and this love is not from me but the overflowing love of Christ who loved me first. In Ephesians 4:29-32, Paul tells the Ephesians "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." It's easier said than done. This year, I had people hurt my heart by being mean or not keeping promises. I am human too and I make mistakes; however, I try my best not to be mean or make promises I can't keep. The hurts has been building up that lately I get irritated when people are mean or make promises I know they would not keep. Throughout the Bible though, forgiveness and love are two concepts that it wants to portray as lifestyle we should strive for. Forgiving people who hurt me and loving them even despite what they did to me. I can't do it on my own for sure but through Christ I can love and forgive. Paul further emphasizes to Philippians "If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from His love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Philippians 2:1-4) In a self-centered society, Jesus is instructing us to think not of ourselves but of others. To love fellow humans just as He loved us first. In John 15:12-13, Jesus says, "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." What radical ideas! It's so much easier to love oneself then loving another human being. It's so much easier to love my family and friends than loving the people who don't like me. It's so much easier; however, being a Christian is not about having it easy. I am learning daily that being Christian is one of the hardest things in life. I get angry when I see someone who says they are Christian but treat people like dirt because Christians should treat people with respect and with love. I get angry when these people who say they are Christian but don't do anything about caring for the people who are poor or sick. I know I shouldn't get angry but I think it's more of holy anger that fumes me when I see injustice toward my fellow men/women. As I write this blog, I have realized how human I am and how vulnerable I am. Without Christ, I wouldn't be the person I am now and I would not have the joy or the peace that only Christ gives. To love my neighbor, not just when he or she love me back but loving my neighbor, 24/7, 365 days. It's a tough road but isn't that what Christ commanded us to do? I hope you'll love on people who may not deserve it or just love on someone that may not expect that love from you. Thanks for reading! Jesus loves you! 

Word

One of things my family do when we get together is to do a family worship/bible study time. When I was younger, we did it more frequent; however, since I live away from my family, we usually try to have this family worship/bible study time when I am in town. For Christmas, my dad delivered a message that he felt he wanted the family to remember as we approach the new year. In Luke 4, Jesus is tempted by the devil while Jesus has been fasting for forty days. The devil tempts Jesus three times; yet, each time Jesus responds by quoting the Word of God. Jesus has so well hidden the Word of God in His heart that even though He was human like us, He was able to succeed in resisting the temptations. Of course, the devil only went away temporally to scheme what he could do to hinder Jesus. I was also reading this passage during my morning devotion and I was amazed that my dad, not knowing that I read this earlier on the day would come back to this passage. I think God wanted me to really get the point that I need to be well-armed with His Word and when the world tempts me with all kinds of temptations, I too can resist by having His Word in my heart. In Joshua 1:8-9, the Bible says, "Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." What an encouragement! Even though each book of the Bible was written a long time ago, it still is living and active. When I read the Bible, I feel like God is speaking to me through the Word and tug at my heart when I come to specific passage or verse. To live in the Word and not by what this world tells me to live by or for. My foundation is Christ alone. What is your foundation look like? Thanks for reading! 

Merry Christmas!

I'll keep this blog short....Happy Birthday to Jesus Christ, Savior of the world! I hope you and your family will have a peaceful and joyful Christmas! 

Being Present

I love to spend quality times with people especially my family and friends. Since I been home for the holiday, I have had quality times with my parents and my little brother. I define quality times as being present and giving the attention to the person I am with at that moment. Today, I had great privilege of spending quality time with my dad. As someone who is working toward being more patient, one thing I love to do with my dad is go fishing. I love to fish with my dad because I get to have deep conversations with him while getting to the place to fish and then when we do fish I feel so calm and being present where I am with my dad. I learn so much from my dad about myself through the stories he tells me about my history through knowing more about my family or what it means to be a Christian or we just talk about the current events that is going on at the moment. Growing up, I went to visit the hospital a lot and my dad was the one who drove me to the hospital visits. I love the times we had together even though it was only driving back and forth from the hospital visits. When the hospital visits stopped my junior year of college, I missed driving with my dad; however, that soon was replaced with going fishing and I love it! Spending quality time with my mom includes cooking, my mom has a cooking license from Korea and she is an amazing cook (at least I think she is.) My mom is teaching me how to cook Korean food these days and I am attempting to make Korean food when I am DC. Of course, it doesn't come out as how my mom would cook it and I am better at following instructions from my mom when cooking then me trying to cook myself. I think my brother got the cooking gene and he is wonderful cook. When I am "cooking" and my mom is instructing me about how to cook, I feel present with my mom and we get to spend quality time together. For my little brother, we have conversations whenever we are in the living room or driving in a car and I learn so much from my little brother. He is so insightful and wise in his age. He is in law school and just the other day, he was telling me about criminal law and the process it involved. Of course, it went over my head since law is not my specialty but I love the conversations we have! As much as I love having quality times with my family and friends, I think God wants to have quality times with me. I think I get so busy into what is going on in my life that sometimes I neglect having quality times with God. Being present in presence of God. How does that look like? In Psalm 46:10, the verse says, "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." To be still and be in awe of presence of God that is everywhere. While driving to get to the location of the place my dad and I was going to fish, I saw the remnant of what Hurricane Ike did to the coast land. It was sad sight to see and I was amazed at the force of natural disaster. If a hurricane can cause such disaster, I am utterly amazed at what God can do more than that of a disaster if He wanted it to occur.  Being present before God, I think for me that's giving all of myself to Him. "Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." Deuteronomy 6:5. Being Present. I hope that you'll spend quality times with people you love and be present this Christmas time. Thanks for reading! 

Best Friends

Today, I had the great honor of hanging out with one of my best friends in Texas and I love hanging out with her. Every time I come back to Texas, there's no ifs about it, I have to hang out with my best friend. I known her since freshmen in college and was roommates for three years in college. We had our good times and our bad times. We had times we liked each other and times we did not like each other very much. Through it all, we're still best friends. It's funny how life changes after college. Just two years ago, we were still in college doing random road trips and being silly. While I hung out with her, I noticed how we matured and realized that we were not in college anymore. I still like to be silly and be random but there are times when I can be serious and be grown-up. I wanted so much to remain childish but those days are gone and the day has come where I have to be an adult but I can still be child at heart, right? I consider myself still relatively young and sometimes feel so intimidated by people I work with in the office or people who are older than me in general. I mean there's so many smart and experienced people in DC, I wonder what can I possible do that can measure up to the people in DC? However, a verse that always encourages me is I Timothy 4:12 when Paul instructs Timothy: "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." What an encouragement! I sometimes give myself such an hard time about my age and experiences that I become down on myself; yet, I can demonstrate the love of Christ through how I speak and how I act. So back to hanging out with my best friend, I realized that I get excited about almost everything and I need to tune down on my excitement. I think I make myself so excited about something I will do or hanging out with someone that I forget that it may annoy someone or I may get disappointed when the excitement is not returned. I still probably will be excited about an activity or hanging out, it's just part of my personality and I am not going to change unless someone confronts me that I shouldn't be so excited. Hanging out with my best friend was like taking a fresh breath of air. It was so relaxing and I didn't feel like we had to rush through the time we were spending. I love to spend quality time with my friends and I rather hang out with friends than receiving gifts from people. I am a giver more than a receiver. I love receiving, don't get me wrong. I will probably thank you and show my appreciation for the gift but I would rather spend quality time with you more. I love hanging out with my best friend today and I will miss hanging out with her when I go back to DC. I hope you will have great opportunities to hang out with your best friends this Christmas time. Thanks for reading! 

Waiting

"For nothing is impossible with God." Luke 1:37 

This morning, I began reading gospel of Luke today as I continue reading through the Bible from Old to New Testament. What a Soverign God we serve! I am amazed by what God does throughout the Bible.  In the Old Testament, I am reading Ezekiah and in the passage I read up to this point, it points to coming of a Savior who will redeem the Israelites. I am not a Bible Scholar by any means and each day I read the Bible, there's something new that God puts on my heart. Days I don't read the Word, I feel like there's something missing in me the whole day and like food, I need to be filled by the Word. Today, the verse that's been really on my heart is the verse above. For those who know me, I am impatient and don't like to wait very much. If a project needs to be done at work, I get on it and get it done by the deadline. If I am meeting a friend or someone, I get to the place early so that the other person doesn't have to wait for me but I don't like the wait then either. I don't like waiting to hear back about a job I applied to months ago. I like to have it done quick and right away. I know I need to be more patient and wait. That's the lesson I am learning a lot these days. Waiting on the LORD. Not jumping to conclusion or taking charge of a situation. I think God is showing me daily that He needs to be the LORD of my life and give the control over to Him. In a society that promotes getting what ones want right away and not wait, I think I got stuck into that message it was sending. From mail delivery to fast foods, a person can usually get what they want in five minuets or less. I know I should know better working at a coffeehouse where some customers think their coffee drink such as lattes will be ready by the time they walk up to the bar and just a side note, lattes take a minute or two to get steamed and plus if there is a long line with customers wanting different kinds of milk, it is going to take a while for that drink to be made. As much as I should know better, I forget the lesson of waiting and being content in waiting. God can do all thing possible; yet, me, an impatient girl starts to worry about the future or anything related to waiting. Jesus tells us not to worry and says, " Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:34) What's to worry and stress about? For me, I think I get so focused on what is going on right now that I stress and worry about that even though if I just zoom out and look at what Christ did for me two thousand years ago, I should not be stressing or worrying about the little things. In Colossians 3:12, Paul tells the Colossians, "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." If we are chosen by God, what's keeping us from clothing ourselves with above mentioned traits? I know for me, patience is hard and that's a constant struggle for me. I think I don't like to wait because I feel like I waited all my life. From waiting to get a surgery or waiting to be seen by a doctor for a checkup, I just don't like how I have to wait but patience is what I need most in my life these days. I am no better than someone who is more impatient and who are not follower of Christ if I cannot be patient myself. So, I am going to strive to be more patient and be satisfy with waiting. In Psalm 40:1-4 demonstrates waiting and patience well:"I waited patiently for the LORD; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD. Blessed is the man who makes the LORD his trust, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods." I hope that we can be more patient and wait on the LORD. Thanks for reading! 

Family

As I reflect on my life these days, I am so thankful for my family. I think it's so easy to take my family for granted and treat my family not as nicely than I should treat them. Coming back home for the holiday, I am realizing how much I appreciate my parents and my little brother. I am thankful that my mom cooks me home-cooked meals and in a motherly way tells me not to eat out so much as I do. I am thankful that my dad tells me not to worry about the financial and gives me allowances to spend. I am thankful that my little brother and I have conversations that really challenges me personally and he points out from every angle rather than looking at it in a one perspective. I am utterly grateful that God gave me such great family! And I can't forget my dog and I am thankful my dog likes me enough to get excited whenever he sees me even if I haven't seen him for a long while. I feel so welcomed and accepted that I am not sure I want to go back to DC. Okay, so I probably would be ready to go back in about a week or so but for right now, I am comfortable say the least. As much as I feel comfortable, I feel like this is not the place God wants me in my life right now. Maybe, God will lead me back to Texas someday but I have this tugging at my heart that I am where I am for a reason that I don't really know very much. Leaving Texas for the first time was really hard. I mean, my family and my closest friends are in Texas. Texas culture is different from the DC culture and I was culture shocked when I arrived in DC. Nevertheless, I have grown to love DC and the people I have met there. I consider my church family as my second family away from home. I feel like the church is like this big family with many different types of people who constitute the family.  I love teaching my 4-5 year old or kids who are in Kindergarten at church and even though they are not my children, I call them my kids because I learn so much from them as much I may teach them about love of Christ. I love serving in my church and I try to get involved as much as possible whether that be volunteering or  to be a member or leader in a small group. I consider my closest friends in DC as also my family and I love spending time with them. I feel like I have so many brothers and sisters that I love having a 'big family'. Someday, if God is willing, I hope to have a family of my own. That being said, I do not want a family anytime soon because I feel like there's so much I need to learn about life and following Christ. I grown much in past few years but I think there's still much room for growth. I can't wait to go to Ethiopia and be surrounded by sisters and brothers in Christ there as well as loving people just as Christ loved us first. Just thinking about that makes me happy. I hope that you will be able to spend your time with your family or 'family' today and thanks for reading! 

Divine Meeting

I am finally in Texas and it's so good to be home to people who love and welcome me with open arms. Coming home was not easy since my flight was delayed and I didn't arrive to Texas until late yesterday night. While waiting at the airport, God gave me the great opportunity to meet people He has planned for me to meet. First encounter was when I got my dinner at this Chinese place in the airport and one of the worker noticed that I was burn. So when I sat down to eat at a table, the worker came by the table and sat down next to me. She began to tell me that she had a friend who was burn and was telling me that there was this certain makeup I should use to hide my scars. At this point, I didn't want to be rude and just smiled and nod. Then she called another person to get the name of the makeup brand and she gave me the phone to talk to this person. I wanted to get away as soon as possible and politely as I can. I thanked her and went to my departure gate to wait for the flight. Man, I was so discouraged from hearing about how I need to hide my scars even more and I was pretty down. The airport was crowded and there was no where to sit until seats open up. I sat down to this lady who was approachable and thought I was with this guy. So, we began to talk and I was so glad to meet another Christ follower, a sister in Christ. We began to talk about how God changed our lives and we ended up sitting together in the plane. She encouraged and ministered to me so much, more than she would ever know. When I shared my story about my burns and how Christ has so filled my heart, she also shared her story and told me that I was beautiful and she thought I looked young like being twenty. I love divine meetings and I love how we connected as family in Christ. Not only did I meet this lady but also I met another lady who sat by us. We had conversation about almost everything and what seemed like a long trip home was short due to talking with these great ladies. I think I underestimate myself and like most girls I know, I am self-conscious about my appearance. I don't really care about my burn scars but I do care that I look presentable and not get weird looks from people . I don't like to wear makeup and rather go natural all the time if I could but it's fun to wear makeup and look nice. Back to divine meeting, God has a funny way putting me at a place at the right time for me to meet certain people. I met my best friends that way and I am very thankful that He would put great people in my life. God places all kinds of people in my path. Some people are nice and other people are mean; however, I am glad I met them. I just hope that when people meet me, I can be a blessing to them, not detrimental to them. I have a great legacy from my grandparents. On my dad side, my grandfather who was a pastor met all kinds of people and from the stories I hear, he showed Christ love to people he met. I am sure my grandfather wasn't perfect but I know that he strive to follow and live for Christ daily. My grandfather was the founder/president of Korea World University Service and this nonprofit organization provided scholarship to low-income college students with tuition and housing. To get the funding for the scholarship, he traveled around the world so that there would be scholarship money for the college students. Also, he went to Princeton University as a researcher and I hope to find out what he researched while he was in America. I want to be well-traveled like my grandfather and be a blessing to people.  I feel so blessed and I am so excited about going over to Ethiopia to meet the people God has planned for me to meet. Divine meetings. I am amazed and love the surprise that comes with it. During this holiday season, I hope that you'll have divine meetings. Thanks for reading! 

Home

Yesterday, I had the day off from my office work and it was really nice just to relax. I did some laundry, reading, shopping, packing and not think about work. I did work at the coffeehouse and closed; however, I worked only few hours. Working at the coffeehouse has its advantages and disadvantages. For instance, one advantage of working at the coffeehouse is the people I get to meet and make tasty coffee or non-coffee drinks. Disadvantage of working at the coffeehouse is the rude or picky customers who want their drink right away or make not nice comments about the drink that I just made. Another advantage is all the coffee and/or non-coffee drinks I get to make myself. I usually experiment flavors of lattes or adding flavor to non-coffee drinks and sometimes I get hyper from the caffeine too much for my own good. Seeing me really hyper is really funny actually. I get really jumpy and I talk really fast. Another disadvantage is after I work at the coffeehouse for few hours, I smell like coffee and I personally do not like the smell. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like the smell of coffee little bit at a time. Last advantage is the co-workers and I have the great honor of working with them. I love to learn about people and their stories so I look forward to working with great group of co-workers. So, advantages outweigh the disadvantages and I love working at the coffeehouse. Starting next year though, I will be working three jobs. Two positions at the office and being a barista. It's going to be craziness and I just hope I will make time to hang out with my friends still. So I bet you are wondering how this has to do with the title of my blog today. Well, it does. I was thinking about home and realized that home is where my heart is. I have two home actually. One in Houston where my family lives and the other here in DC. Depending on the circumstances I am in, home is a place where I can feel like I can be myself and not worry about what people think of me. Right now, home is Houston and I am leaving DC for two weeks. As mentioned in my few blogs back, I had some tough time in DC and it'll be nice going home to my family who will welcome me back with open arms. Don't get me wrong, DC is my home since I have lived here more for two years than in Houston; however, I feel like I have to put this front right now and I hope starting next year, I can be more of myself. I am myself around my core friends in DC; however, I feel like I compromise myself with some people here and I don't want to do that anymore. This year, I was a Yes girl and it was exhausting trying to juggle so many things. Another resolution for next year is to stand up for myself and try not to be that Yes girl. I would rather spend my time with friends or people in general than busying myself with errands and other tedious tasks that I can do without. As much as I love kids and babysitting, my goal next year is not to babysit more than I can handle. Maybe like once a week will probably work but I am going to refrain from babysitting twice or more a week. So back to the topic of home, I love the verse where Jesus comforts us by saying "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going." (John 14:11-4) How awesome is that promise! I can't wait to be with Jesus; however, I know that my work here on earth is working progress and I think He would want me to live for Him while I am here. Life is hard and most things are not easy. In Matthew 7:13-14, Jesus says to us, "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." I don't know about you but sometimes I just wish I was not going through the narrow gate in life rather I want to blend in. However, what good is it if I go on a wide road that leads to destruction and lose my life? Hands down, I would follow Jesus than following the lifestyle that the society says that I should live by. People may think I am foolish for following Christ and living my life that goes against the norm of society. I am content and yes, I am a fool for Christ. In a "me" centered society, I try to think about other people and share the love that Christ has given me. The love overwhelms me and I can't help but to share them with other people. With that being said, I learned this year that I need to also take care of myself before I can serve other people. For a while, I think I just focused so much on other person that I forgot what it was like to treat myself to a good haircut or not being the one who makes all the effort to hang out with a friend. I learned this year that it's okay for my friend to initiate a hang out time and it's okay to take the time to treat myself to a good haircut. I also learned that it's okay to say no to a person and not overload myself to do things that will make me exhausted. I think I was afraid that people will dislike me if I say no but so far, I don't think there's many people I have offended or dislike me because I said no to them. I usually will say yes unless I have too many on my plate. So, I am so excited to be in Texas and get spoiled or at least I think I will be spoiled by my parents. I am so excited to see my friends in Texas and hanging out with them. I am excited in general about Christmas and celebrating the birth of a Savior. For me, I strive to celebrate Jesus every single day and it makes me happy to know that God loves me for me not for who I will be or need to be. Hope you have a wonderful day and thanks for reading!

Mistakes

I make mistakes and I try to learn from those mistakes so that I don't make them again. For example, I need to be more careful when I am xeroxing a document at work or not be overly friendly so I don't give the wrong impression to people. I like to take risks and I am learning that even with that I make mistakes; however, I can learn from them, right? I like to try new things and part of that also can mean that I can make mistakes while doing whatever new thing I am trying. For a long time, I was afraid of making mistakes and that is part of my perfectionism that I put on myself. I know now that it's okay to make mistakes and part of making mistake is learning from it rather than blame myself that I made a mistake. Also part of being perfectionist for me is being people-pleaser. I try to make everyone be happy or be so flexible to accommodate the other person so they will be pleased. I know now that there are people who will like me and there will be people who don't like me for reason unknown. As Christmas and the New Year approaches, I am making a resolution to strive to be less of a perfectionist and people-pleaser. Maybe then, I will be less stressed and be more content about myself. Hope you have a great day and thanks for reading!

Friendships

"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13

I been thinking a lot about my friends lately and how much I love my friends. I don't use the L word very much because I consider words to be sacred and I really mean what I say. That's why I don't use profane words unless I am really really sad or angry but that's hardly the case for me I think (ask my friends :). So, I was pondering about what friendship means to me and came up with this. Friendship means love, respect, caring, compassion, kindness, patience, trust and other positive attributes such as loyalty and honesty. Friendship can also mean drama and conflict resolution whether through arguments and compromises. Friendship does not mean taking advantage of the other person or just being nice to that person. So with that said, I realized that I have three levels of friendship and then another category for acquaintances. To be acquaintance to me, it means that I know this person through friend or just met them once or twice but I probably won't see them for a long time or for that matter never again. Also, this is where most of my professors or co-workers would be if they are in good terms with me but I don't contact them or vice versa unless otherwise. Then there's the friendship level of being acquaintance friend who I meet at a event of some kind or through a friend who I will befriend and be in social network website friend but that's the extent of the friendship. The next level is being a friend who I may hang out once or twice; however, due to circumstances such as distance and/or other reasons we may not hang out much. At this level, I will put the effort to hang out with this friend or make plans so that we can go the next level which is being a good or a best friend. In this level, a good friend is one  that I want to hang out and spend time more;however, due to scheduling conflict we may hang out once a month or once every year. Then there's my best friends who I hang out consistently more than once a month and be in communication as much as possible. I make the most effort to spend time with my best friends and try to be flexible as possible to hang out or talk on the phone. I consider my best friends like a family and I hope they think of me that way too. So with this said, I do have my limits on how much I make the effort toward a friendship. I will give it my best effort to be friends with someone but there are times when I will put less effort when the other person does not make the effort to be friends with me. I would love to spend time with all my friends; however, due to scheduling or some other circumstances, somehow it doesn't happen the way I want. So, I have a bad experience with being friends with boys (college age guys) and I am now very cautious about being friends with guys in general. The bad experience involved two guys who misunderstood my intention of friendship and thought I wanted a romantic friendship when I did not want that kind of relationship at all! It's resolved now and I think I am friends with these guys but these experiences really hurt my feelings. I don't know if most people know but I am traditional when it comes to being in a relationship. I want the guy to pursue me not the other way around. I am old-fashioned I guess but I think man to take charge and pursue the woman he is interested to be in a relationship. Okay, I know it's the turn of the century where it's okay for woman to initiate and pursue but really I rather have the man be the pursuer. That's my thoughts though and you don't have to agree. Back to the topic of friendship, so this reminded me that God wants to be friend with me and it is crucial that I spend time with Him each day. I love spending time with God and each day He teaches me something new through His Word, the Bible. These are my thoughts about friendship and if you would like to comment, please do. What does friendship mean to you? Thanks for reading! 

Patience

Okay, I am going to be upfront and honest. I am an impatient person and even if I appear patient, I probably am being impatient inside or talking myself into being more patient. Lately, I been noticing that I want things to be done more quickly even if I just have to wait five or less minutes. I know, it's sad, but it's one of my flaws. Yet, God calls us to wait on Him and not be haste, rather follow His lead. I am getting to a point where I want a permanent job right now but I know that God has something great for me and I just have to wait. Waiting to catch a train at the metro station, just have to say, I am glad ipod/mp3 player was invented to keep the time going. I strive to be more patient each day;yet, somehow I manage to fail at that. Sigh. So, yesterday evening, my friend had her birthday dinner at the Melting Pot. Good company, good food and good conversations, all great; however, the dinner lasted almost four hours and I was pretty impatient to get home by the end of the dinner. I mean I should have been enjoying my time at the dinner and I did to some capacity but once again, my impatience got the best of me. Maybe, starting right now, I need to practice patience and be content at where I am in my life. I also need to learn how to relax more rather than stress about every little thing but another story in itself. Well, I am going to keep this blog short for today since last few blogs were pretty long. Happy Monday and may God bless your day abundantly! Thanks for reading!

Hope

"And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us." Roman 5:5 

I love the word and the concept of hope. This year, I had some rough times and then there were good times as well. Just trying to graduate with a Master's was hard enough but graduating and not having a job was really tough. To be honest, I don't think I would be still in DC unless the hope knowing that God will work out everything for His glory. I considered going back to Texas and letting my parents spoil me as they always do; however, I don't think that's what I am suppose to be. I believe strongly that God wants me in DC for a reason and that in time, I will work in the field that I studied in grad school. There is so much hope that Christ gives and I hope that I live each day following hard after Him. 

Today at church, the pastor gave a sermon about gift of hope and what encouragement it was to listen to that message. As I return to Texas to see my family and friends, I was stressed about what I was going to say about not having a permanent job or why I am still single while most of my friends are already married or engaged or in relationship. I am okay with being single and I feel like that I can serve the LORD more while I am single rather than being preoccupied about the other person. Don't get me wrong, I hope one day I will get married and serve alongside my husband whoever he may be. I think it's funny though that my core friends here in DC are either engaged or in a relationship. I sometime feel like I am the third wheel or the seventh wheel who tag along to activities or events. Oh well, being single is fun actually and I am going to enjoy it as much as possible! :) Anyways, back to the sermon, a comment that the pastor made really struck me. He said that we sometime focus too much on people or events that makes us unhappy yet when we zoom out like what happened 2000 years ago, there is hope and that hope that tomorrow will be better than today. I think I zoom in sometimes on the small things such as being unhappy about a situation or feeling left out when friends don't include me in some activity or another. But, I really need to zoom out and look at what Jesus did 2000 years ago. Celebrating salvation on a daily basis rather than just on Easter. Celebrating Jesus 365, 24/7 rather than just during Christmas time. I strive to live each day like Jesus;yet, I fail at it each day. However, there is hope and Christ gives us hope that even though we fail, He will succeed through us. Thanks for reading! :) 

True Meaning of Christmas

So, I had my second babysitting job of the week last night and it was nice just watching TV the whole time while the baby slept so peacefully. I watched "The Chronicle of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe".  I wasn't watching it consistently because I was also simultaneously reading this book about Christmas songs and the meaning behind the songs. I knew few of the song's history and how it came to be but this book had a lot more. Even though, the music that accompanied that book wasn't on, I sang the songs to myself and read the stories behind the songs. I loved the Christmas songs and it showed me that the true meaning of Christmas is about birth of a Savior, Jesus. And seeing the movie also helped me realized that the Light has come to this dark world yet people did not recognize the Light. I love stories and I love the story of Jesus. I love the fact that Jesus who was God came to this world as a human being to show us what Love is all about. So this Christmas, I am going to be more of a minimalist and ask people to refrain from giving me physical gifts rather I would love to spend time with people and create Christmas time memories. One of the things I already gave myself was splurging on my hair. I got new highlights and I am explaining to myself that rather than shopping for clothes or accessories or other unnecessary stuff, I am going to treat myself by getting my hair done so if you happen to see me, my hair is different but I love the change and it fits with Christmas color. That being said, the true meaning of Christmas is about Christ and I think it's not about giving and getting more stuff. Thanks for reading! 

Thankful

Yesterday I babysat two fun and cute kids from church after I got off work at the office. It was really nice hanging out with kids and seeing their creative minds as I try to entertain them or they entertained me with telling me about their favorite activities and such. So, I had the great opportunity to watch two Veggie Tales and part of Lion King. I enjoy watching kids movie and reminiscing what it was for me growing up. I grew up as normal as possible but on the other hand, I did have an unusual childhood going to hospitals more than I can remember. Back to watching Veggie Tales, so one of the kids wanted to see the "Toy that Saved Christmas" and oh my goodness, I loved it! This little town comes to think of Christmas as getting more stuff or at least for the kid veggies to get more toys then this toy (somehow wired differently than the other toys) come to find out the true meaning of Christmas - birth of Jesus and how God loved us so much that He sent His one and only son. I think it reminded me that sometimes I get so into Christmas decorations, buying gifts or volunteering my time that I forget that it's all about Jesus. Christmas also is a time to be thankful and to give rather than to receive. I was pondering over this ideas and realize that I am so thankful for the God's gift of salvation and thankful for my family and friends. I am thankful for all the people that I encounter each day whether they are nice or mean to me. I just am thankful. I think that people shouldn't be thankful just once or twice a year but 365 days, 24/7. As for giving, I love to give, both presents and my time. I love to give encouragements and cheer people on. I wanted to be a cheerleader when I was younger but I didn't get to be in a cheer squad due to hospital stays or visit. So, in saying all this, I want to propose something that my church is doing during this Christmas time. Instead of giving presents (or at least for me :), how about donating the money toward buying something for someone in another country. For example, I really want to buy a goat for someone in Ethiopia so I think I am going to donate the money toward purchasing of a goat and tell my friend that I am giving that goat in behalf of her/his name. What a radical idea, right?! I don't need more stuff and looking around my room, I am always in the lookout for opportunity to give away my stuff that other people might find useful. So, here's the website where you can do just this: http://aoneeight.org/marketplace/ . I am thankful to be alive and see the beauty around me. I probably should have introduced myself on the first post but it's still the second so all good. Here's a personal narrative that I wrote in high school. It's not very good but I hope you find it encouraging that God can use something that is awful to make it beautiful.

Beautiful Accident
By Min Kim
I’m not glamorous or gorgeous like the girls on TV or in magazines, but I’m proud of the way I look now, even with burn scars. Most girls think appearance is everything, yet from my own experience, appearance isn’t everything. It is just a myth that people say on TV’s and in magazines. I didn’t always look the way I do with my burn scars. When I was five, before the tragic beautiful accident, I was like the other little girls, cute and perky. I wore an adorable little pigtails tied with pretty radiant ribbons on my raven black hair and wore darling little dresses like the princesses in fairy tales.
When I was five and my brother was four, my parents sent us to a private school to get ahead of the other little kids in education. The first private school was run by Buddhists and my parents didn’t find out until my brother and I prayed a Buddhist prayer. My grandfather was a pastor and both of my parents grew up in a Christian family. I can remember their shocked and startled faces when they heard the prayer. The next day, my parents enrolled us in a respectable private Christian school. Fear and nervousness ran through my mind making me less excited about going to the brand new private school. Just for the occasion, my mom bought my brother and me new clothes and shoes. I remember wearing a new long sleeved shirt, new long blue jeans and new pair of tennis shoes. On the first day of going to the new school, the weather was gloomy and windy. My brother and I had a fit and we even argued with my parents about going to the school. Little children, without doubt, always obey what their parents say and we dragged ourselves to the new school. The church ran the school and many teachers teaching at the school were members of the church. The school building had three floors that contained different classes and different teachers on each floor. Each grade had one teacher and one class. The pre-kindergarten class was on the first floor. On the second floor were the kindergarten class and first grade class. The third floor was reserved for the second and third grade class.
My first day of school was an unusual one. For some odd reason, my kindergarten teacher had the flu that day and a woman in her early twenties took her place. The substitute teacher was like a statue that was for decoration purpose and no one cared about. Everyone in the class knew each other well. I didn’t really care about being alone. I was still too young to understand the meaning of loneliness, and so to pass the time, I entertained myself with the toys in the classroom. My new classroom reminded me of my two-story dollhouse with many windows and doors. For amusement I wanted to go peep out the window, but lunchtime came along and everyone sat glued around the table. I didn’t eat much as usual and I swallowed the food one bite at a time. While eating lunch, a young boy, a little older than us came dashing into the kindergarten class and told us that there was a fire in the building. The substitute panicked immediately after hearing the news. My classmates, including myself, didn’t really comprehend what was going on. Suddenly, the substitute shut all the windows and doors in a hurry. The substitute became a bee, busying herself from one place to another trying to do many things at one time.
So what happened to my brother’s pre-kindergarten class? My brother’s real pre-kindergarten teacher was in a good mood because she had a new outfit. So, she took her pre-kindergarten class out to the playground to play.
The fires slowly crept into my kindergarten class and the substitute went insane. Then she hollered that she was getting help and escaped, knowing she would not come back. After she left, everything around me went pitch-black like a night with no moon or stars. I was afraid, and I felt like a prisoner wanting freedom. When the fire died from the building, the firemen realized that the kindergarten class was not outside. They immediately went to my kindergarten class and rescued us. Before the fire ever reached other classes, all the other grades except the kindergarten class came out of the fire safely. The fire burned down the kindergarten classroom. Of the fourteen children in the class only seven survived the fight with the fire. I’m one of the lucky seven who survived. No one really knows the main cause of the fire; yet, there are many theories on how the building caught on fire. The main theory is that a little kid in pre-kindergarten class went inside to keep warm. When he played with the stove, it blew up. But, some people claim that the young adults who used the building once were mad at the church for making the building into a private school, and so they set the building on fire.
I don’t really care who set the fire and I am not angry with anyone. I thank God for saving me from the fire and letting me live. God turned something people made terrible into something beautiful. Not many people had hope for me when I was in the hospital. I survived and showed the people around me that anything is possible through God. I woke up few days later from a long sleep like Sleeping Beauty. Everything changed in my life after the day I woke up from almost dying. Most little kids don’t go through the treatments I went through, but I did without complaining. Through this life changing accident, I realized I want to be a doctor like the doctors who treated me. I went through lots of teasing and mocking from my peers after I came out of the hospital, about six months later. The teasing and mocking didn’t hurt me emotionally, but made me stronger a person. I don’t see my burn scars as something to grieve about, but they are a reminder of a beautiful tragic accident that changed my life for the better. Beauty is only skin deep in appearance; beautiful is when someone does something beautiful for other people.

*Note: So the narratives ends here; however, my story is longer than this. God had another plan for me and being a doctor was not one. Ask me about what happen to the dream of becoming a doctor and how God has shown me that my plan was minuscule to what He has planned. Thanks for taking the time to read this narrative and hope it is an encouragement to you!

Love for Ethiopia

I'm not good with words, but here's me trying.

For a while, I wanted to go on a mission trip with National Community Church. I love mission and spreading love to people who are culturally, economically, socially, politically, and/or religiously differ in view from me. I love the concept of mission and being 'hands and feet' for Christ. I think what kept me from going on a mission trip is the financial aspect. Not having a permanent job makes it hard for me to go even though God always provides the money. I been to mission trip to Europe, Eurasia, Mexico, and various US cities but I have yet to go on mission to South America, Asia, and Africa. Yes, I was born in South Korea and visited my great birth country but I would love to go to other Asian countries other than South Korea. Even though I don't have much to give, I want to share the love that God has shown me through and through. So, I debated and talked to my family and friends about going on a mission trip. I did not know where or when or how I was going to raise the money but I trusted God that He will work out the details. When NCC announced the A1:8 (Acts 1:8) mission trips, I was so excited that there were many opportunities to go whether here in US or out of the country. After that, I started praying and asked God to put a passion in my heart for a country He wants me to go to. And He did. I originally wanted to go on the Thailand mission trip; however, I just started a new job and the timing was not right so I did not get to go on this mission trip (See "Girl" documentary, forever changed my view). One of my life goals/dreams is to go to Africa and love on people who may not receive the love I have received all my life. I know what it's like to be on the outside and be mocked and teased because of my appearance. I do not think I would be who I am now if I did not have Christ in my heart. So, Africa. Where to? I started to read up on the different mission trips that NCC was planning to do and I saw Ethiopia. Ethiopia. I heard much about this country from the news and love the food but I do not know much about the people. So, I began looking up information about Ethiopia and went to the informational meeting for the Ethiopia mission trip that is occurring March 2009. Initially, the focus for this mission trip was to work with people with AIDS/HIV who live in Entoto Mountain; however, due to the size of the group (two groups now!), there may be other projects we will be helping Beza in Addis Ababa. I am so excited about what God will do there! Going back to informational meeting, after hearing the potential for this trip, I knew that this was where I was going. I am nervous about going but I will not fear because if God is for us, who is against us? Since there are two groups, I am in the earlier group that is going March 6-16th, 2009 (or tentatively scheduled). It's coming up soon and I am having multiple emotional states these days from being excited to being stressed about the job situation. God is good, all the time and I know that He will work out everything. So, would you pray for me? I need all the support I can get and I really appreciate your prayers. I will try to keep up with this blog and update you on Ethiopia. Thanks for reading!