Waiting...

God answers prayers and I truly believe He is constantly at work. God's answer can be immediate or sometime least expected. Right now, I am waiting on the LORD on many aspect of my life and as someone who is impatient, I want to know right away. I am amazed by Him who has answered a lot of my prayers and there are some prayers that I am still waiting on. Being patient and trusting in Him. Having faith in Him rather than worrying about my circumstances right now. Having hope in Christ rather than being negative or even pessimistic about life. To have my focus be on doing the will of God and fixing my eyes on Christ. To take the narrow path than the broad. To wait rather than wanting to know right now. God is teaching me much and continues to discipline me as I wait on Him. I pray that in this season of waiting, I won't lose heart and give up. 

"Yet I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me. You are my help and my deliverer; O my God, do not delay." -Psalm 40:17

Not a Good Day...

So here's me raw and human, I am optimistic and positive person most of the time but I do have bad days just like everyone else. I am not perfect in anyways and still a working progress as Pastor Mark talked about in his sermon past Sunday. I think lately I am being trapped in the "prison of negativity" and as I said, I am usually positive person who have a optimistic view of life. It's just right now, I feel like my life is slowly falling apart. Don't get me wrong, God is holding me together and He is the one reigning in my heart; however, I just feel like without Him, I would be completely a mess. Juggling three jobs is not easy as it looks and I am very thankful for having these jobs; however, it would be nice if I had a permanent job so I don't have to worry about where my next paycheck will come to pay the bills and also have some leftover for myself. Financial managment is something I will work on a lot this year and also budgeting since I am not in school anymore, loan payments are due and also paying my rent/bills at the same time. It's going to be very tight monetary year; yet, I hope that this won't keep me from going on the Ethiopia trip. It's coming up soon and right now, I feel discouraged not because of the finance but just things going on in my life. I am having second thoughts about going; however, I believe and feel strongly this is where God is calling me to do. I mean I am not at all worry about the financial aspect of the trip because He is providing as I write this blog; but I am more worry about taking time off from work and there's so much to do at work right now that I don't know how I am going to make the hours up. Then there's people who are sharing with me that maybe this may not be a good time to go, but when is a good time to go? I just feel down lately and I shouldn't be. Please keep me in prayer and I know that God will grant me peace and joy if this is what He wants me to do. Thanks!

Prayer Request

I am going to keep this blog short so here I go. Would you please pray for the Ethiopia trip and all the details to come together? Also, for me that I will be less worry and stress about trying to coordinate a fundraising event for this trip and juggling multiple jobs. I know that God will provide and everything is going to work out for His glory but as someone who is worrier in nature, I am little bit worry and stressing about the trip. I appreciate any prayer, small or big. Thank you!! 

Random Act of Kindness

So, I love when people do random act of kindness. My week has been hectic and busy with work and trying to recover from all the fun-ness of the week. On Thursday evening, I worked at Ebz (coffeehouse) and I was having one of those days but then, this lady who was there gave me this really cute big plastic ring to me. Little background story, so about a month ago, this same lady came into the coffeehouse and she was wearing this big plastic ring that I admired. I asked her where she got it and she told me where she got it. And then, she told me that she was going to get me one and I told her it was okay, I will try to go buy it sometime (which I was't able to go by the place to buy the big plastic ring because I have been so busy). So, I forgot all about this until I saw her this Thursday evening. And guess what? She remembered and gave me the ring. She made my day! When I was in college, I was in a Christian sorority and we had this thing called random acts of kindness where we encouraged people by doing something like baking cookies and giving them to a individual or group. I love it when people are kind to each other and not because of self-interest but just because. I think it's crucial that we as Christians are kind to each other but also to other people who may not be Christians. I have days when I want to be rude or mean back to someone who is being rude or mean to me especially at the coffeehouse. There are days when people try my patience and I just want to shut down. However, I remember what Jesus went through and how He commanded us to love one another and show mercy. Forgive and forget. Turn the other cheek. Christianity sure is not for the weak hearted. I hope that there are more random act of kindness in the world. Thanks for reading! 

What Do You Believe?

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead." -Philippians 3:7-11 

It's been pretty crazy and busy week. So, I meant to write this blog but every time I motivated myself to write the blog, I was either too tired to think and write or  I just had more to think about. This past Sunday, Pastor Mark preached a sermon about "Prison of Good Deeds" and "Prison" of remembering the past mistakes. What a challenging sermon for me! I think there are times I am tempted to pat myself on the back for doing a good deed but really, it's not me who spurs me to do something good rather it's Christ in me who tugs at my heart to do something good for someone. I know what it's to keep doing and feeling not good enough. Pastor Mark made a comment that really hit me hard when he said that good deeds is always keep doing to achieve being good enough while Christianity is being done in Christ. Wow, what encouragement! As someone who is a perfectionist, that statement releases me from the prison of trying to be perfect in whatever I do. I know I am not perfect and I know that I am far from being perfect. For a long time, I thought I had to be perfect especially so the focus would not be on my appearance.  I thought that if I was perfect in what I do, then people would not really see the outside. How wrong I was! Some people still treat me differently because of my appearance but it's okay, I rather be beautiful inside rather than be beautiful outside. Then there's prison of remembering the past and while I don't have the greatest memory, I do tend to keep remembering my past. I think this sermon was tailored to me because a. I used to be a perfectionist and b. I tend to remember what I have done in the past (usually more mistakes I done or hurts rather than what I done right or kindness someone shown me). Hearing the sermon gave me encouragement that I need to forgive and forget, let go of the past and it's okay not being perfect. I agree with Pastor Mark that I rather be a working progress than trying to be 'good enough'. So, you are wondering how does what I just explained relate to the title of this blog but it does because in the following story it relates to the title. :) One night this past week when I was working at the coffeehouse, a regular customer came in to get her usual coffee drink and somehow the topic of religion came up. She asked about my Christian beliefs and what was the difference between Protestant Christians and Catholic Christians. I told her what I believed and yes, I believe there are differences between the Protestant Christians and Catholic Christians. I have relatives from my mom side who are Catholics and have friends who are Catholics so I am somewhat familiar with what they believe. One thing that makes my heart break is that some Catholics pray to saints and devote a lot of time to praying to Mary. I say this because I have relatives who pray to saints and to Mary rather than to God. I believe that we as Christians can pray directly to God and Christ paid for the price of our sins. We are saved by the Amazing Grace of God through Christ. There is no greater love that can be compared to what God did for us. Saints are just humans who lived their lives for God and I think if they were alive today, they would tell Christians that they are just human and they are not gods. I think the concept of praying to saints have something to do with the saints interceding for the person praying but isn't Jesus our intercessor? I got frustrated when I was with my Catholic relatives and the difference of beliefs we had. First of all, everything I own is God's and if I lose everything, then who's to say that was mind in the first place? Second, I believe in a God who is all knowing and all powerful. Lastly, I believe in a God who is Love and Justice. I believe that if the focus is not on Christ then it's pointless and I believe Christianity (hence Christ in the name) is all about following Christ in all circumstances. That's why I believe that being a Christian is not easy at all, actually it's a hard and tough road. Don't get me wrong, there are good times; however, I feel like there are times where I struggle and experience hard things in life. What keeps me going? Jesus Christ, my Savior and Lord. God who loves the world so much that He would come down to earth as a man and experience what we go through and then being victorious over death. Overcoming death so that we can truly live. What a Great God we serve! I don't know about you but I rather have Jesus than all the worldly riches or pleasures. That said, there are days when I wish I had millions of dollars so my life would be easy and I can help millions of people but then I remember that it's better to have less. I think if I had lot of money and had an easy life, I wouldn't be the person I am now. I wouldn't be the person I am now if I did not have Christ in my life. I feel blessed and very thankful that I know Christ. I pray that more people will come to know Christ and have the joy that only He can give. So, do you know what you believe? I strive to know Christ each day better and follow hard after Him. And also be firm in what I believe. I pray that you will know Christ and know your beliefs. Thanks for reading! 

Power of Prayer

21 Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. 22 If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."
-Matthew 21:21-22

Growing up, I was surrounded by prayer. My parents prayed for me, church members prayed for me, pastors prayed for me, my friends prayed for me and even strangers I never met prayed for me. I am amazed by the prayers I received and the power it had on me. If my family did not prayed as hard as they did for me when I was in the hospital right after the fire accident, I believe I would not be living right now. I think God had a plan for me to live all along and live out what He wants me to do in my life; however, I believe God wanted my family to pray hard, having faith in Him rather than relying on medicine (by the way, the doctors thought I was going to die due to inhaling so much smoke from the fire and they did not know how to recuperate me from the coma.) So, my whole family prayed. They prayed that I would get out of the coma and be able to live. And, He answered that prayer. Little background about what my parents' lives were like prior to the accident, my parents lived a secular life even though they were sprinkled in the church. Technically, they were "Christians" since they got sprinkled; however, their lives were far from living the Christian life. My dad used to drink alcohol heavily and smoke a lot, that's what most Korean men do. My mom was comfortable staying home and raising us kids, that's what most Korean women do after they get married. My parents were content with their lives, living out the "Korean dream" you would say. However, that all changed when there was a fire accident and it was on the private school that my brother and I happened to attend for the first time. You can read about my story in the second blog I wrote in December '08. So, getting back to how I woken up from the coma I had for few days and relating to prayer, at that time, my mom and a church deacon (one from the church that sponsored the school) was in my ICU room. I do not remember this part because I probably was still out of it when I woke up but my mom told me that I told her that God told me to tell my parents to pray more and worship Him more in their lives. Oh goodness, this gives me the chill. I mean, I was just five years old and I knew about God but not necessarily did not know who God was. Ever since then, my parents have sold out their life for God and they serve the church faithfully. My parents dedicated their lives to the LORD and got baptized again believing that the first time they were not sincere. Prayer is powerful. My great grandmother (from my dad side) prayed to God that her son (my grandfather) would become a pastor and my grandfather became a pastor. How amazing is God answering prayers! Even though, at times, not all prayers are answered immediately or at all. I have an example of my prayer being redirected. So, I wanted to be a doctor and I prayed to God that He would allow me to be a doctor; yet, God already knew I was not going to be a doctor and He had another plan for me. I was pretty stubborn, okay, a lot and I thought that if I prayed harder about being a doctor, I would find peace about studying to be a doctor. Nope, I was wrong. I felt more uneasy and more depressed about being a doctor as I studied toward getting into medical school. And, I did not feel I was called to be a doctor. I still do not know what I am called to do in life. Perhaps, I am called to be an advocate for people who are weak, vulnerable and powerless or maybe I am called to be a missionary in a foreign country. I do not know and I pray that God will let me know, you know, soon, since I am getting impatient. Okay, so I am still working on the impatience and it's better than before but still needs lot of work. There is so much power in prayer. A example of how God answered my immediate family's prayer involves getting our Green Card (Permanent Resident to live in US) and also for getting our U.S. citizenship. Let me tell you that obtaining the Green Card was a very long and very rough road; however, God was faithful and He answered just in time. So in time, that I was able to travel with my church in Texas to various mission trips to foreign countries. Also, God answered the numerous prayers that my parents petition to Him regarding numerous surgeries I had for my burns. So, the surgeries I had were somewhat risky and dangerous since there was a lot of blood involved and also long durations I had to be in the surgery room. Also, there was the infection issue after the surgery and the treatments that go along the post-operation that were no fun. However, through all this, God gave me the courage to go into the surgeries and recover from the post-operation through healing process. God is so good and faithful! Like the hymn "What a Friend We have in Jesus", we have a great friend in Jesus! And yet, at times, I discount myself from bringing everything to God in prayer but I am learning to give everything in prayer to God and not withholding anything. It's a working progress, my prayer life, but I hope that I can have a strong prayer life.

Before, I end the blog, here's the lyric to "What a Friend We have in Jesus", the first verse:

What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear! What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer! O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer. (Text: Joseph M. Scriven, 1820-1886 Music: Charles C. Converse, 1832-1918)

What's keeping you from giving everything to God in prayer? I pray that you will experience the power of prayer and know that He listens! Thanks for reading!

Hero

"This is what the LORD says: 'Maintain justice and do what is right, for my salvation is close at hand and my righteousness will soon be revealed." -Isaiah 56:1 

I was wondering about what it means to be a hero. Does being a hero mean a person has to be famous? Or does being a hero mean having qualities that other people do not have? What makes a hero a hero? To me, a hero is someone who loves the LORD with all of his or her heart, soul, mind and strength, who advocates for those who do not have a voice, act justly, love beyond him or herself, promote welfare of others, give generously not just financially but with time and effort, do something beautiful for someone, forgive more than one can count and strive to be the best he or she can be each day. Jesus is my ultimate hero. He demonstrated what it means to be a hero and yet, He humbled Himself and served others. Jesus could have exalted Himself and have fame during His time; however, He spent time with people who were the least and He even washed His disciples' feet. What a perfect example of a hero! As human, I am not sure I can be a hero like Jesus. I strive to follow Jesus in every way; however, I fail at it without Him. I consider my grandfather my hero because he lived his life for Christ and followed hard after Him. My grandfather radiated Christ love toward people and sought out justice whenever possible. Don't get me wrong, my grandfather was just a human too and I am sure he had his flaw, but stories I have heard about my grandfather only points to the love of Jesus that made my grandfather the way he was toward people. Another heroes are my mom and dad. My parents used to live a secular life before my accident and now they are sold out for Christ. My parents loves the LORD and serves His church with passion and enthusiasm. So, when I am home in Texas, I feel like I do not get to see them much if their church has revivals or events that they may be serving at whether that be prayer meetings or singing in the choir. Yes, my parents are in the church choir and I think that's why I love to sing especially hymns. I also consider my mentor my hero. I have a mentor whom I look up to and every time I see her, I can see Christ love in her life. That being said, hero does not have to be famous to be a hero or even be a celebrity. I see a hero when that person act in a way that radiates Christ love and love people even when they are not lovable or cannot return the love. I see a hero in a someone when he or she fights for the weak, defend those who are vulnerable and demand justice. I think that most heroes I know would not consider themselves as heroes and with humility would tell me that they are just following Jesus' example.  I have a lot of heroes in my life who love the LORD and serve Him with their lives. I am very thankful that God has given me heroes in my life who love Him and serve Him in their lives. What makes me the person I am now? Heroes who believed in me and invested in my life. The love of Christ that overwhelms me each day. Without Christ, I am nothing and I do not have a meaning to my life. However, Christ lives in me and fills me with His love. What a Savior we have! I hope that you can be a hero to someone as my heroes were to me. Thanks for reading! 

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." -James 1:27

Self-Control

So, this morning, I realized that I am on the Facebook, way too much and I decided that I need to take a break/fast from the Facebook until the weekend starts (Friday evening). I think I spent a lot of time being on the Facebook instead of reading books or even relaxing for that matter. I was so tempted to get on the Facebook when I returned from work; however, I am going to resist and I am going to control myself from signing into the website. One of my New Year's resolutions/goals was to use my time more wisely and I think that being on the Facebook is not a great way to spend my time. I am usually spending my time either at work, with hanging out with friends and I make sure I spend time with God daily. So, my day is pretty full and what time I do have for myself I feel like I spent it on the Facebook. With that said, I really am going to try hard to stay away from the website even if I get email notifications. I know that I can do this especially since I can use the time to read, pray and be still in the Lord. I have to say though that this is going to be hard for me; however, I will restrain from giving into temptation of getting on the Facebook. Happy Monday! 

Becoming like Christ through Humility

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted Him to the highest place and gave Him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is LORD, to the glory of God the Father." -Philippians 2:5-11 

Today at church, pastor Chris preached on the topic of humility as we continue the series of "Prison". He said that we can be imprisoned by our emotional and circumstantial prisons and provided three essentials for having humility in our lives. First was to elevate other people, second was to exalt Christ and the third was to experience joy in all circumstances. What challenged me most was the third essential. The first two I work on daily to strive for but third one sometimes I fail to experience joy in every situation I may be going through right now in my life. These past two years has been hard for me and I do not like to ask for help if I can do it myself. I do not like to burden other people with my troubles and also make someone feel uncomfortable or inconvenient by asking them for favors or help. I think I struggle also with some aspect of pride. Not the pride of elevating myself but pride of not asking for help when I need it or sharing my prayer requests with other followers of Christ. I dislike telling my parents when I am going through rough times and my parents only find out when I break down when I cannot keep it inside me anymore. So elevating other people is second nature to me because that's what I saw in my parents', grandparents' and other followers of Christ exemplified in their lives. I strive each day to exalt Christ through my actions and words. So, the joy part, well, that's a tough one and I try to be joyful in all circumstances but really I am no good at it. I usually put on a smile and not let anyone really know what is going on in my life by saying that everything is going fine but really everything is not okay and I want my situations to be better than what it is right now. However, through it all, the joy does not come from myself but through Christ who gives me the joy in my life. If I was not a Christ follower, I do not think I would be joyful in my life. My life was not easy and everything I do seems to be hard to obtain. For example, getting my Masters, not an easy gain and still not having a permanent job is making me worry but I trust that God has a job out there for me in time. I feel embarrassed at times when I talk to another person about my life because I want to tell them that life is great and I am living the "American Dream". Yet, I think the hard times develop more character in me and God is teaching me each day to rely on Him rather than on myself or other people. What hard lessons I have learned these past two years and my stubbornness to go my way when really it's His way that's most important. So, I am learning that what I want is not always what God has in mind for me. One clear example is me wanting to be a doctor so bad that it did not hit me until my senior year in college that being a doctor is not what God was calling me to do. I think I felt obliged to give back by becoming a doctor but there are so many other ways to help people not just by treating someone physically but also emotionally and mentally. I received much from the doctors who treated my burns and I just felt like I needed to become a doctor. I think my intention was good but I was not passionate about what I was going to do as a doctor. Another example is me wanting to get a permanent job in Vocational Rehabilitation Counseling field right away after I obtained my Master's; however, that has yet to be true and I desire to be in that field soon. But, I am learning that my experiences at my current employment is invaluable and I love what I do right now. I am learning so much about democracy and human rights issue. I am learning so much about the injustices around the world and I also have the opportunity to get involve with organizations that is fighting the injustices in foreign countries such as North Korea which I have a heart and passion for this country to have the freedom that each human has the rights to. Looking back these past two years, I feel like God is breaking me down and humbling me in every aspect of my life. I am not the person I was just two years ago who was at Baylor trying to get into medical school and realizing that I did not have the passion to be a doctor that I originally thought all along. Not being a doctor really hurt me and it took a long time for me to come to a realization that God has a better plans for my life than just being a doctor. I do not know yet what God wants me to do with my life especially career wise. Yes, I have a Master's degree in Vocational Rehabilitation Counseling; however, I do not know if that is a career I will have for a long term. I have other dreams such as working for the UN and also working in political setting such as congress possibly. Also, I would love to continue working at the Democracy Resource Center as a librarian possibly. I am so confused about where I am going in my life but I am so glad that God is in control and I do not have to worry about my life. My life is not my own and only through Christ I am alive. Through grace of God, I am living and striving to become more like Christ each day. So, here's me going against my pride and asking for your prayer. My dad has diabetes and he also has bad liver problem. Due to both of the condition, my dad's health has not been optimal lately. He was on medication that made him drowsy and tired all the time. Recently, through answer to a prayer, my dad was able to change his medication and also got testing done on his liver. And the test results showed that my dad needs this certain treatment for his liver since it's getting worst. This scares me a lot. I mean I see my dad as head of the household and he is the one who holds the family together. Don't get me wrong, my family serves Christ first in everything and God is the Head but I believe that God has given my dad the role of being the head of my family. That being said, I want my dad's health to be restored and be healed from the conditions he is going through. So, my parents were waiting and praying to God that the hospital would grant my dad the treatment for his liver. And praise God!  He answered that prayer by giving my dad the opportunity to receive the treatment from the hospital. Thank you God! :) So, my prayer request is that the treatment will be effective toward my dad's liver and that his new medication will help with his diabetes. I did not want to share this in my blog but after listening to the message today, I am not letting my pride getting in the way of being more humble like Christ. I do not have much to offer and I have my flaws that I am working on; but, I know this for sure that the love of Christ has so captivated me to become more like Him each day. So, here's me asking would you pray for my dad and also for me that I will be more joyful in my circumstances? Thank you for reading and I hope that love of Christ will overwhelm you today! 

Love

"He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." -Micah 6:8 

Injustice. It's happening around the world and even here in United States. There is violence and hatred that is unspeakable; yet, it is going on somewhere. Tonight I watched a powerful and intense movie called "Crossing". The film is based on a true story about a North Korea defector and the injustice that is occurring right now. I had many emotional state while watching the movie and one of them was anger. I became angry at the thought of how humans can treat another human being in such a detestable way. Images cross my mind as I reflect on the film and while I am very sad, I am also angry at the injustice. North Korea has a very special place in my heart and I am passionate about the human right issues. I believe that each person has the right to live in peace and right to be a human being, not be treated like dirt. Being human does not mean one can do anything to another person or take advantage of another person. For me, I believe that each person deserve the respect and love no matter what their race, religious belief, gender, culture and any status that person may be. The verse above really hit me lately and I been thinking a lot about what it means to love my neighbor, also loving my enemies and praying for them as Jesus commanded us to do as Christians. For me, North Korea really hits close to home since one of my grandfather's dream was to see the North and South be reunited as one country; however, he did not get to see that dream come true. Watching the film, my heart felt like it was ripped and broken apart into million pieces. I feel frustration, anger and sadness all at once. As I walked back to my apartment from the theater, I was thinking about what is my response going to be? I do not want to stop just here by watching the movie. I want to do more. I am torn between living here in United States where it's rich and plenty versus going overseas to help with human rights issues. I know there's a lot of problem even here in United States and injustice is going on right now. I feel overwhelm by what I am learning about the injustice that is going on and I just want to undo the harm that humans has caused against each other. It feels like there is no hope; yet, there is hope. Hope in Christ. When the world seems to come apart, Christ is the solid rock and foundation that will never falter. I love knowing that there is hope in this unsteady world. Yes, there is injustice but what can we do to stop this? It starts with loving one another and treating people with love and respect. To love not just with words but also with actions. To walk the walk and talk the talk. Not only loving those who love us but loving those who do not expect the love. To love those who are forgotten. To love those who are hurting. To love without caring what other people think about us. To be the sheep rather than the goat. 

"Then the King will say to those on His right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.' Then the righteous will answer Him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' " 

-Matthew 25:34-40 

So what is my response? To love and care for the 'least'. To show compassion and mercy. To demonstrate the love of Christ in my life. Not just one time but all the time. Don't get me wrong, I am human too and I am not perfect in anyways. I have my flaws and I make numerous mistakes. However, I strive to love even when it hurts to love and to love people like Jesus. It's hard to love this way. I mean, it is so much easier to love people who return the love and it's so much easier to not care but that's not what it means to be a follower of Christ. To follow Christ wherever He may lead me and to love from the overwhelming love He puts in my heart. 

"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgement, because in this world we are like Him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because He first loved us. If anyone says, 'I love God,' yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And He has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother." -1 John 4:16-21 

Jesus loves you more than you can imagine and I am going to start loving more, caring more and forgiving more. 

Thanks for reading! 

Social Networking

So, lately I have been on the Facebook way too much. I mean like I am signed on while I am working (I know, I should really not sign on at all during the day) but I like to be signed on and see the status changes from my friends. Really, that's a pathetic excuse and I should attempt to not sign on during the day as much as I am doing right now. I do have to say that I, for a long time, opposed the idea of being on a social networking website such as the Facebook. And then, I finally caved in and joined the Facebook. I actually am glad that I joined because I can re-connect with friends I have not spoken to in ages and also keep in contact with friends who I rarely see or friends who live far away from where I currently live. I also get to communicate with friends who I usually do not see during the week by writing on their wall or sending messages. There's many more reason I feel like social networking website such as the Facebook is effective; however, there's bad side to the social networking websites as well. For example, for a while, I had the privacy setting where all people who were in my network could view my profile and I had some awkward friend requests from people I have no clue how they found me and it's strange how people want to befriend me even though I never ever talked or met them before. Now, I have changed my setting so that random people cannot request to be my friend unless otherwise. That being said, the bad part of changing my setting is that if someone who I know want to befriend me cannot request for being friends unless they have a friend who is in my networks. I like befriending people and I rarely deny request; however, I learned that there's a point of denying access to my profile since some people have some wrong intentions of being my friend. Creepy, I know. Another con regarding social networking website is that it can consume a lot of my time and I tend to sign in and out throughout the day. I want to stay away from the website but when I get an email notifying me that I should check the website, I cannot resist very well from signing into the website. Sigh. The pro of signing into the website, other than wasting time is with the new feature of online chat, I can instantly chat with a friend who wants to chat with me and also prevent me from texting my friends during the day. So, I think social networking website is great idea and I probably will continue to use the website; however, I think I should sign on less often. Keeping in touch with friends is great but I do hate to waste time when I have other things to do. Thoughts?

Running Through the Rain

I love the feeling of running through the rain and feeling the rush of raindrops on my face. I do not like getting wet or getting rained on; however, when I run in the rain, I feel like I am trying to escape from getting completely wet. For some reason, I feel so refreshed and become more awake. It does not make sense to run in the rain but for me, I take pleasure in running in the rain. Trying to outrun the raindrop from getting me wet makes me somehow happy. I realize it's simple things in life that makes me happy. I do not like when things are complicated and confusing. Sometimes, I think I just make things complicated by analyzing something that's simple more confusing. I am learning that I should take each day with simplicity and cut out excess that will weigh me down. Stress is something I do really well and I want to stress less. Be more simple in my thinking and not analyzing more than I need to do. Running through the rain. Smelling the roses. Taking the time to just be. Simplicity in life. 

Exhaustion

Past few days, I have not been taking care of myself well. Physically, I have yet to sleep 7 or 8 hours a night. Emotionally, I feel overwhelmed by all the things I am doing or have to get done. Outwardly, I look fine but inwardly I am just exhausted. Even though I had two week of vacation in Texas, I feel like I did not get enough rest and relaxation that I should have taken advantage while at home in Texas. I am realizing that I perform much better when I feel well rested and also I think I will make more sense when I talk. I felt like I was just spitting out words when I was talking to someone today and I was talking little bit too fast. I think I need to just take a day off when I do absolutely nothing. I think I do a lot and while I try to do less of unnecessary activities, I cannot sit still without having to do something. I am learning to be okay with doing less and being still when needed. I think this is part of my impatience. I want to get whatever task or assignment completed even though I have plenty of time to get it done. I think my impatience also affects how much I want to spend time with my friends. I desire to hang out with my friends so much that I forget about having a time for myself. Self-care. That's something I need to do more since I tend to forget that my body and mind need to have some time to rest and relax. I admit I have workaholic tendency and I am trying to cut down on how much I work. I get so into my work that sometimes I just stay at the office longer than I should be or get to the office before anyone else is there. This is something I will continue to work on this year. I think I do more to fill the void of being alone and this causes me to fill up my time with some activity. What is my intention and motivation in doing? I hope that I have good intentions and motivations with my time rather than doing something for the sake of doing. I love spending time with people and I love to give of myself. But what good is this when I am not taking care of myself? As much as I want to do more, I think I will be better off if I do little bit less of doing and do more of what I can do to love like Christ. So I am going to be honest and say I feel exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally. I think I may have to take it easy and do less. To take care of myself so that I can love and serve better. Not get so caught up working and taking break during the day. Taking naps when I feel tired. Exercising and being more healthy with what I eat. To do less and be still in the LORD. I pray that you will find rest in Christ and not do so much like I do. Thanks for reading! 

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

Who Do You Live For?

"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." Philippians 1:21

At NCC, we are going through a series called "Prison" and studying the book of Philippians. I love Philippians because it is a letter to the church of Philippi that Paul writes with joy. Pastor Heather challenged us today especially I felt directed toward me with the question "Who do we live for?" We are imprisoned in our lives with so many things; however, what do we really live for? I was thinking about this question and my answer came to this: I live for Christ, my family and friends. But, what about other people? Going back to the few blogs back, I wrote about loving my neighbor and it connects even here. If I only love those who love me back, what's the use? Even people who are not Christian love those who love them back easily. Still in the 1st Chapter of Philippians in verses 9 through 11, Paul says to the church, "And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ - to the glory and praise to God." To love my neighbor as myself and loving those who don't like me. I try to love people as much I can but the love is not from me but from Christ. I do not think I can love those who does not love me back or mean to me because of my appearance or my personality if I did not have Christ in my heart. It's been really hard lately to love the way Jesus told us to love our neighbor. From friends to strangers, I feel like I give of myself but I don't see the fruits in the relationships. I want to withdraw and be private rather than be enthusiastic about seeing someone when that person does not express that same happiness in seeing me or even care enough to hang out with me. However, in Philippians 1:27 - 28, Paul tells the church, "Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you. This is a sign to them that they will be destroyed, but that you will be saved-and that by God." What an encouragement! Some days, I feel like I give encouragements but not necessarily receive encouragement; however, it is better to give than receive. I think I get encouragement when I see someone get encouraged and be blessed by what little words I say to them. In Luke 14: 13-14, Jesus instructs us by saying, "But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous." How awesome is that! I think Jesus was telling me through the word that what is done to someone that cannot give back will be noticed by God. I think I rather be noticed by God than by people. People can give compliments or praises to someone that are temporary but God is eternal. I love this verse: "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matthew 6:21) So, who do I live for? I live for Christ and all the people God has created from those who think they are least to those who think they are the greatest. I do not have much to offer but I know one thing that whatever I have I offer it to Christ. To live for Christ with all that I am and not care about what people think of me. I am not beautiful outwardly but I strive to be beautiful inwardly. I want to reflect Christ and love like He does past, present and future. Who do you live for? I pray that you find encouragement in knowing that we live for One that is sovereign and forever God. Thanks for reading!  

Happy 2009!

Hope you all had a great New Year's day! It's so nice to come back home to DC. While I had a blast and great time in Texas with my family and friends, two weeks staying there was plenty of time. I did feel sad I had to leave my family whom I love; however, I think God is wanting me to be in DC for the present. I love the fresh start of new year and I look forward to what God will do in 2009! Thanks for reading!