Lent Season

I'm sorry I haven't written in my blog for some time. Life just been crazy busy and I was stressing more than I should have these past weeks. Now, I feel like I can somewhat breath and not stress about the small stuff. In a week, my team (1st trip group) will be heading over to Ethiopia. I can't believe we'll be actually be there in a week! God has been so good and provided so much for me since I said 'I will go'. The hardest part in preparation for this trip has been spiritual warfare. There were lots of people who were questioning why I was going to Ethiopia and even my parents was wondering if this was the right time to go. Fear has been constantly been put into my heart; yet, God has taken that fear out and put in peace. God has continually reminded me that if I go, He'll take care of the rest. Even though I may not have enough love to give, God overwhelms me with love that I can't help loving on people. Don't get me wrong, there are days when I don't want to love someone who has made my life more difficult than they should or treat me in a way that hurts my feelings. However, I remember that Jesus loved everyone and He commanded His disciples to love your enemies. What a challenging commandment! 

Yesterday, I had the great opportunity to attend an Ash Wednesday worship service at a church with two of my favorite people! I am so glad I went to the service because I was able to learn more about what Lent was all about. In the bulletin, it said "Lent begins with a solemn call to fasting and repentence as we begin our journey to the baptismal waters of Easter....During Lent the people of God will reflect on the meaning of their baptism into Christ's death and resurrection." That challenged me about my fasting for Lent and what I will add into my life. For Lent, I am giving up Facebook and Twitter. I was just going to do one or the other but due to both features being connected, I wanted to give up both so I will not be tempted to check one or the other. My reasons for giving these up is simple. Facebook and Twitter has consumed me with spending a lot of time when I could be doing something more productive. Since I am subtracting Facebook and Twitter, I am adding more time of prayer in my life. I was talking to a friend about prayer and he pointed out that he talked to God while he's walking to places. I absolutely agree with that and I do that too. I don't think prayer should be just one time deal for the whole day but I see prayer as continually being in communication with God. However, I am setting a time of prayer for myself just to seek His face and have a time of self-reflection. I especially need this time of prayer with upcoming trip to Ethiopia. While I feel confident in the Lord about going, I still have moments when I struggle if I really should be going or should be in states, trying to find a permanent job. I am so weak, yet He is so strong. I trust and pray that God will use both of our teams in Ethiopia for His glory. I pray that you all will draw closer to Christ in this Lent season. Thanks for reading! 

God-Ordained Passion

Recently (by that I mean this week), I picked up reading my pastor Mark's book "Wild Goose Chase" again. When I first obtained the book, I started reading it and stopped because I was not ready to soak in what pastor Mark was writing in the book. This week, I don't know why but I felt led to read the book again. And wow, each chapter has challenged me so much. One chapter that really captured my heart was when pastor Mark challenged the reader about having and pursuing God-ordained passion. Right now, I am not chasing my God-ordained passion. I mean, I am a consultant (more like glorified intern) that make more copies and putting together packets rather than using my talents, skills and training I received all the years I was in school. I felt very discouraged and down these days and reading the book I felt like God was telling me through the book that I need to start chasing my God-ordained passion. But what is my God-ordained passion? I have an idea relating to human rights issue and justice; however, that's far as I got so far. I believe that each individual deserve the right to live where he or she desire, learn as much as possible, work in whatever he or she wants to, be free to travel and pursue his or her passion whether that be God-ordained or not. Lately, God has broken my heart for North Korea and it makes me sad and angry to see the injustice over there. I believe I will be glad when people in North Korea experience the same freedom that I experience here in United States. Another country that God has broken my heart for is Ethiopia. I will soon be going over to Ethiopia and I do not know what God has in stored but I know that He will be glorified. I have the great opportunity to work at a NGO that promotes democracy around the world; however, I would rather be working somewhere that I can directly help with human rights issue and eliminating injustice around the world. Is that too crazy of an idea? So, right now, I am trying to figure out if I should continue working at my current employment location because there's opening in a permanent position or apply somewhere else where I can develop my God-ordained passion. It's a dilemma because on one hand, having a permanent job will get my mom off my back about having a permanent position and on the other hand, I don't want to make any more copies and putting together packets. Sigh, what to do? I put my faith in God and trust that He'll give me an epiphany soon! :) Thanks for reading! 

In God...Greater Things

This past weekend, I had the great privilege of attending NCC leadership retreat and its theme was Greater Things. The retreat was so challenging and inspiring for me. To be frank, I wasn't sure I was qualified or had second thoughts about leading a small group; however, I realized that God uses unexpected people such as Moses, Joseph, Mary, Peter and Paul, just to name a few people in the Bible. So, I am really not great with words and I get nervous talking to people if I don't know them very well. I have a fear of speaking front of people and I can't talk to multi-people at one time. I am more of an one on one or small group person. Yes, I am social but to certain extent. I am only social around people I already know or people at church but other than that, I am really shy around people I don't know very well. I get fumbled when I am speaking to someone I may not know very well or I talk really fast due to nervousness. I think I still have a tendency to please people and try to say the right things but I realized that some people are going to like me for who I am and some people will dislike me no matter what I do. So, this weekend at the retreat, I had a conviction confirmed from God and He has placed in my heart that in 2009, He wants me to love people more without any expectation of receiving that love back. I think God really wants to drill this concept of love in my heart and really live it out. I can't do this by myself but with God, anything is possible and I am praying that He will give me the love to love people and be okay with not getting the love back. To love without strings attached and to love knowing that I may not receive that love back. To put my faith in Him rather than doing it on my own. To set my eyes on Christ and not giving up when it's hard. God will do greater things and I am excited that I get to be part of what God wants to do through me. I feel like I do not have much but God will use my skills, talents and gifts. One of the way I show my love is through my giving not just financially but with time and effort. That's how I say to my friends that I care about them and I make effort to hang out with my friends or send them encouragement or support them financially if they are going on a mission trip. I know that God will provide and what I have will go toward investing in some one's life for His Kingdom. God will use the little I give for greater things. How amazing is that! We have a big God. God who loves us so much that He would show the greatest love of all by sending His Son, Jesus, to die for our sin and Jesus overcame death so that we may live. We have Holy Spirit who is our Counselor and Guide. What a Great God we serve! Lately, I have times when I felt discouraged and down; however, I keep going because of Him who gives me joy and peace. Without Him, I am nothing and what I have is His. Thanks to Him who is Everlasting and Eternal! 

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me." -John 14:1